Do men feel more inclined to help women who share sad stories?
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I grew up in an ordinary family, so I don’t really have any sad stories to tell at the moment. I’m doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) without lying, but would men be more likely to think, “I want to help her,” if I lied about things like being estranged from my parents, having debts, caring for a family member, or being ill?
I can’t act out the whole “I need your help—you’re the only person I can rely on” routine based on a sad story.
I get the impression that many women who tell men stories like that—whether they’re true or not—end up being helped by them. Is this some kind of dark influence?
If a woman told you, “I can’t rely on my parents, and you’re the only person I have,” would you believe her? If I were a man, I’d find that scary, so I couldn’t say something like that myself.
The papa-katsu beginner I’m seeing seems to feel that he has to protect women who may be using this kind of “tragic backstory” approach...
With me, it’s more of a papa-katsu relationship where we meet up and have very candid conversations.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
That’s what you’d call “yami-ei” (using emotional distress to solicit support). There’s a column summarizing men’s psychology, so give it a read:
https://lab.universe-club.jp/column/ppjyoshi
One thing you need to be careful about is that if, for example, you claim you need money for tuition even though you aren’t attending school, or say you need it to repay a fictional debt and receive money based on that claim, it can constitute fraud—and there have actually been cases where people were arrested.
So, to avoid being sued for fraud, you need to gain a man’s sympathy with a story that isn’t a lie. It’s not easy.
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In my own experience, when I talked about what prompted me to get involved, some people would respond in a way that felt almost condescending, so I eventually started choosing not to mention it. I didn’t personally see myself as being all that unhappy, so that felt more natural to me.
So while it may be true that stories about hardship tend to draw out more sympathy, I think it’s important to consider what fits your own style. If you’re presenting it as part of your persona, you’ll need to keep the details consistent—what’s true and where the embellishment begins—or it will inevitably feel a little off. I also think lies tend to get seen through eventually.
Personally, rather than building things around hardship, I get the impression that relationships where the other person feels, “It’s fun and comfortable spending time with her,” tend to last longer in the end. I feel it’s healthier for both of you when they genuinely value the time you spend together.
You don’t have to force yourself to create a character—you can compete on your own appeal just fine. Please make sure to prioritize what feels comfortable for you.
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Personally, I’m looking for lighthearted, fun papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I don’t enter monthly arrangements with women who are too unhappy or carrying too much emotional baggage.
The risks are high, and I’m not capable of taking on someone else’s unhappiness along with them.
In the past, I did date a woman from a complicated family background—her father had changed several times, and her siblings all had different fathers. But she herself was cheerful and responsible. She worked part-time at a hostess bar to pay her tuition, graduated from nursing school, became a respectable nurse, and eventually got married. That’s why our monthly arrangement continued.
(By the way, even though she was only working part-time at the hostess bar, she was ranked No. 1 in customer nominations and featured on their website.)
I may have supported her in some way, but I never felt like I was “saving” her, and she never asked me to help her. I think that’s why it lasted.
I don’t think you need to force yourself to act unhappy.
I think what makes a papa (a male supporter) get hooked is how good the intimacy is. Put effort into being attentive and giving your best, offer your papa a fun time, and make sure the experience feels worthwhile for the allowance he’s paying.
Personally, even if a woman is a little difficult personality-wise, I can continue a monthly arrangement if she has a great body, we’re compatible, and being together feels good. lol
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If they said that, I think I would believe them.
If you asked whether I’d want to help, I think I would. Some people would probably end up giving them money, and I think there are people who were genuinely helped by it.
I’m sure there are people who lie, but I think you’ll find them in every walk of life.
> I’m doing this without lying, though.
I think that’s the best approach.
Even if you lie, it’s over once you’re found out.
Also, as Mac mentioned, deceiving someone into handing over money or other property constitutes fraud.
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I keep my distance from people who make emotionally unstable comments, because in the past, things have escalated into threats like, “I’m going to die now” or “Please die with me.”
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If it’s a genuinely tragic story, I feel deeply sorry for her and end up thinking, “I’ll protect you.”
Our queen had a life full of nothing but trouble because she’d been too popular with men since childhood. Her father was overprotective, while her mother neglected her. Then she took on debt and attempted suicide but survived. Right after that attempt, she joined Universe Club, met me, and I took over her debt and brought her under my wing. That’s how things stand now.
I do occasionally meet women who are emotionally troubled. Unless they’re very good at hiding it, I can usually tell—because eventually their stories stop adding up.
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>> Would saying something like being estranged from your parents, in debt, providing care for someone, or having an illness—even if it were a lie—make a man want to help you?
I can’t bring myself to act out some sob story and say, “Please help me. You’re the only person I can rely on.”
⇒ I’m extremely vulnerable to that kind of thing. My former favorite—probably not acting—was genuinely in that situation. I covered all her living expenses.
Still, I wonder if you could pull it off without getting caught. Big lies can even get you arrested. We’re not idiots either, so we’re not going to fully support a woman whose real name and address we don’t even know.
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