At my first meeting with a papa (a male supporter), he gave me ¥10,000, and afterward he invited me out to dinner. I know it was my mistake not to discuss the allowance over messages, but there was no allowance the second time—we just had dinner.
A few weeks later, he told me he wanted a somewhat deeper relationship. When I asked about the allowance, he offered ¥50,000. I agreed, and we had an adult relationship (intimate) on our third meeting, for which he gave me ¥50,000.
After that, he frequently messaged me saying he wanted to see me again soon. However, on our fourth date, we only had dinner—no adult relationship—and once again, there was no allowance.
After we parted, I messaged him on LINE: “I’d appreciate it if there were an allowance even when we only have dinner. What do you think?” He simply replied, “I understand how you feel about the allowance,” then changed the subject. He brushed it aside without agreeing to anything or clearly explaining his own position.
Of course, I understand that it’s important for both sides to discuss the terms of the arrangement after the second meeting. But are there really many papas who don’t want to pay an allowance for dinner only (no intimacy)?
He said he was looking for a pseudo-romantic relationship, but he never brought up allowances for an adult relationship (intimate) or dinner unless I asked first. So maybe he isn’t very willing to discuss these things—or to pay—in the first place.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
If they’re being vague despite already discussing the allowance for dinner only, I get the feeling they may be intentionally leaving that part unclear.
Rather than it depending on how you phrase it, it may be more about the other person’s attitude. If you see the relationship as being based on an allowance, it can definitely leave you feeling a little confused.
In my experience, there have been several times when I didn’t receive an allowance for dinner only. In those cases, I would give them a small pack of gum or some mints and casually say, “Thank you for today ☺️ This is from me. I’d be happy if I could receive something from you too, ◯◯-san ☺️”
Since it can be difficult to ask directly, having a small item gives you a natural opening and makes it relatively easier to bring up.
This is just one possible approach, but I hope it helps. Please value a relationship that allows you to feel comfortable, without pushing yourself.
P.S.
Mr. Makeotoko,
Thank you 😌
I was doing my best, putting my mind to work so I could express it properly 💪
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Are there really male members of Universe who don’t pay an allowance, even for dinner only (no intimacy)?
I’ve met around 100 people through Universe and Patro, and I’ve never heard of anyone not receiving one. You must have an incredible network of supporters.
If you met him through Universe, I can’t imagine him refusing to pay for a date, even if it was dinner only (no intimacy). I’d cut ties with him immediately.
Hope this helps.
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Since the question is whether it’s common, the answer is: “No, it’s not common. It’s actually rather rare.”
That said, I understand—and even sympathize with—that papa’s policy. I acknowledge that it’s a minority stance, but I don’t think it’s something others should criticize him for.
Ultimately, if the person asking isn’t satisfied, they should negotiate. If they can find another papa, they can end things; if not, they’ll have no choice but to compromise. Either way, I think it was good that they communicated their feelings. Even if that led to being dropped, it’s far less stressful than continuing to stew over something they weren’t comfortable with.
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It’s really unfortunate that some papas take an approach that makes women feel uneasy.
The allowance for the second meeting onward should be agreed on in advance.
There are probably a fair number of papas who don’t want to pay an allowance for dinner only (no intimacy), so with that kind of papa, I think it’s best either to meet only on the understanding that there will be an adult relationship (intimate), or simply move on to the next one.
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As you’ve already realized, if things continue to slide like this, you’re the only one who’ll end up feeling uncomfortable.
Why not tell him, “For dinner, I’d like an allowance of ¥___,” and if he refuses, end things?
You could also say that you’re not interested in being invited out for dinner only. If you want to continue seeing him, the message might come across as cold, so bringing it up in person could be a good option.
It’s difficult, but the beginning is crucial. If you accept things without saying anything at first, that becomes the default.
In Fuu’s case, when agreeing on the initial allowance, I say, “If it’s dinner only, there won’t be any allowance.” I only make offers for C to begin with, and there are already women who will go out for meals or drinks without needing to be paid. Once I make that clear, women who aren’t okay with it won’t accept dinner-only invitations, haha.
Not every papa (a male supporter) is as considerate as Fuu, though, so it really depends on you.
You could either continue if you’re happy with the allowance you receive for an adult relationship (intimate), even with nothing for dinner, or tell him how you feel while being prepared for the possibility of ending things.
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There are all kinds of people out there.
The first meeting is covered by the club’s rules, so you’ll always receive ¥10,000, even if it’s just dinner. After the second meeting, however, it’s up to the two of you.
Most male members believe in paying an allowance even for dinner only, but some won’t pay if that’s all it is. So, since you met through Universe Club, you should assume that the arrangement will involve an allowance, and then have a proper discussion about how much it will be.
Otherwise, you may end up receiving only ¥5,000 the second time. Of course, some men will pay ¥20,000–¥30,000 for dinner only without being asked, and some women receive ¥50,000 simply because they joined him for a date outside of dinner, such as golf.
Men like that do exist, but I think they’re in the minority, so it’s better to discuss the terms clearly in advance.
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The most important criterion for becoming an answerer on this Q&A site is receiving good feedback from women. Still, it seems that even among the answerers, quite a few people don’t—or don’t want to—give an allowance for dinner dates. I honestly find that hard to believe.
Universe Club provides a place to meet on the “understanding” that an allowance is part of the deal. Even if things become a matter of free choice after the first meeting, I’d still like people to observe basic manners and morals.
If giving money bothers you that much, please go use a dating app instead.
If people started saying, “Apparently, more and more of the papas at Universe Club don’t give money for dinner dates,” it would damage the quality of the women there and cause a huge problem for both me and the many papas who take this seriously.
Edit:
> In those situations, I would give them something small, like gum or a breath mint, and casually say, “Thank you for today ☺️ Here’s something from me. I’d be happy if I could receive something from you too, ◯◯-san ☺️”
>
> Since it can be difficult to bring it up directly, having a small item provides a natural opening and makes it relatively easy to start the conversation.
Genius...
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