I’ve been using Universe for about seven years, but recently I’ve noticed more women suggesting a specific date that happens to be available in the very near future when arranging a second meeting or later. If I reply that I can’t make it, they sometimes stop responding altogether, or suddenly propose a specific date again at another time.

> Lately, I feel like more women have started suggesting a specific day coming up soon when arranging the second meeting and beyond. Seven years ago would have been before COVID, right? I think a lot has changed in the post-COVID era. Used-car prices have gone up, pre-owned condo prices have risen, gold prices have increased, stocks have climbed… There are also women whose way of thinking may have changed after taking classes from home during their student years. And in general, it’s perfectly normal for people’s perspectives to change over time. When you look at it that way, it may simply be that you’re having a hard time because you haven’t been able to keep up with the changes in society. Music has been getting faster too, and more songs now have shorter intros because long intros are unpopular. Many people don’t watch videos at normal speed anymore, either. In various ways, things are becoming more time-efficient. So if you accept that this is simply the way things are nowadays and regard it as normal, it may stop feeling so stressful. Another option is to take the initiative yourself. If the woman considers her relationship with you important, I think you can continue seeing each other even if you take the lead. By taking the initiative, I simply mean asking first, “Are you free on this day?” Even if she isn’t available that day, you may be able to settle on a date around that time. If you can’t take the initiative, then the issue may be the allowance. Even if the allowance worked well in the past, you’re older now, and the woman may choose someone else if you’re still offering the same allowance as before. The allowance is what helps maintain that balance. As someone once said in an earlier answer, I think it’s absolutely true that men should increase the allowance as they get older. Of course, if things are going well, you may not need to raise it. Still, if it would make her happy or make her life a little easier, I think it’s worth considering. I’m not saying you should overextend yourself. Being considerate of someone includes how you treat them, but I believe the allowance is part of that, too. Thoughtfulness is important. I hope you’ll be considerate of her within reasonable limits.

I think it’s because you’ve become more discerning and are now making offers to more popular women, while you yourself have aged seven years and become less desirable. Update: I agree that your standing is low, but the question is why this has started happening recently, right? I think the issue lies with you, not the women.

It’s probably just your imagination. If she reaches out at the last minute, I don’t know whether it’s because you rank low on her list, because she really wanted to see you and happened to have an opening in her schedule, or for some completely different reason. If you want to know, why not ask her? If it’s not worth asking, then imagining possible reasons is just a waste of time and energy. If you don’t like being contacted at the last minute, just say so honestly. If she stops contacting you because of that, so be it. Pretending you’re fine with last-minute invitations while angrily stewing about it privately is stressful. You don’t proactively share your schedule, yet you get upset and feel poorly treated whenever you’re contacted at the last minute. Since you refuse to take the initiative, you’re simply putting yourself in a passive position where you feel mistreated or taken advantage of. You could just tell them in advance: “I can’t meet on short notice. I’ll let you know my availability, so there’s no need to contact me out of the blue.” The only thing stopping you is that sending one LINE message feels like a hassle. Just write one message like that and forward it to everyone. It’s really that simple.

LOL. I just got a LINE message from a woman asking, “Would you be able to meet tomorrow or the day after?” Of course, meeting on such short notice is difficult. I see the questioner is a man. I’ve rewritten my response. There are quite a few women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) whose motivation and attitude mean they can only make plans at the last minute. Just think about it: young women have a lot of life events going on, and there’s also a certain number who see papa-katsu as an easy way to make money. Date multiple women, prioritize and enjoy spending time with those who can set their schedules in advance, and if one of these last-minute women happens to be available when you are, why not meet her then? Incidentally, I replied to the woman who wants to meet tomorrow or the day after, “I already have plans this time, so I can’t, but feel free to contact me again.”

I sometimes message girls lower on my priority list on the day and ask, “Can you meet?” But I’ve never done that with girls at the top of my list. So basically, I’d say the questioner is probably a low-priority papa (a male supporter) among that girl’s papas.

I also have a pretty packed schedule with work dinners, exercise groups, and other hobbies, so I usually suggest dates myself. We also often set up our next meeting while we’re together.

When it’s a girl I really like, she’ll usually want to make time to see me again the day after our first date or the day after that, so I’ve almost never had trouble arranging a second meeting. If things move quickly, we might meet the next afternoon—and even that evening… With girls I’m still seeing regularly, there have been times when we met every day for nearly a week after the initial setup, or at least three or four days in a row… After that, whenever they’re available, they’ll usually suggest several possible dates. So, just as Makeotoko wrote: > I’m probably a papa who ranks low among the girls.

Reading the question, I assumed it was from a woman. There are probably as many ways to conduct an arrangement as there are people, but basically, I think things go more smoothly when the man takes the lead. Once we’ve gone as far as our first adult relationship (intimate) and I decide I’d like to see her again, I suggest a date for our next meeting. Once things continue for a while and we get a sense of each other’s schedules, I suggest the following month’s dates during the previous month. For various reasons, my schedule is fairly limited, so I usually start by proposing one specific date. For women I know are busy, I somehow manage to come up with several options. I feel that I can gradually tell where I rank among the women’s priorities through the process of coordinating schedules. Women who respond quickly and generally accept the dates I suggest seem to value me, and those arrangements often last a long time.