I recently started seeing a regular papa (a male supporter).
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Besides our adult relationship (intimate), he often takes me out for meals and says that, since we met by chance, he wants to support me, so he asks to hear a lot about my life.
However, my upbringing was far from ordinary—I was abused by my parents and sexually victimized by a sibling—so I try to keep it hidden as much as possible. Still, I feel like he’s starting to sense that something is different about my background.
He’s been asking me little questions that seem like he’s trying to dig deeper, but I keep brushing them off because I’d hate for him to be put off.
I don’t really mind if he finds out, and I’ve already come to terms with the past, but I don’t think most people would feel the same way. If he keeps asking, should I continue to dodge the questions? Or would he actually prefer me to be honest?
I wrote a column specifically for people like the questioner: “How to Date a Papa-Katsu Girl Who Was Abused by Her Parents.” I hope you’ll give it a read—it should be helpful.
https://lab.universe-club.jp/column/ppjyoshi
To summarize, even if you think you’ve already come to terms with it, the first time you tell someone else, the tears will probably come naturally and stir up your emotions more than you expect. The papa will either be unable to handle it and pull away, or gently embrace and support the questioner emotionally. However, a papa who accepts it may simply enjoy a trauma-based dynamic, rather than truly standing by the questioner out of genuine kindness. Once the questioner senses that, she may try to use her emotional wounds as a tool to continue the relationship. The relationship may go well, but she could then develop self-loathing for engaging in that trauma-based dynamic herself, causing her self-esteem to decline. That’s the dilemma.
If she doesn’t say anything, things may continue without rocking the boat, but it will take even longer for that emotional knot to fade. Besides, I doubt she’ll be able to resist the temptation of a papa who seeks out that kind of trauma-based dynamic. Her unconscious mind probably wants to come out and feel relieved. She’s desperate for someone who will accept her after hearing everything—that’s why she’s asking here, isn’t it?
Whichever path you choose, challenges await. There is no right answer, nor is there a wrong one. Choose the path you want, with full awareness of what it entails. Believe in your own strength.
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According to my tarot reading, I shouldn’t try to connect with this person emotionally or be completely honest with them.
If anything, the person I need to face is myself. It feels like hope may start to emerge from there.
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“If you don’t mind people knowing,” then I think you should just tell them.
You answered because they asked. If that put them off, then they simply weren’t the right person for you.
It’s good to consider all the possibilities, but if doing so is only making you worry, sometimes it helps to keep things simple.
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If you’re truly okay with people knowing and have already made peace with the past, then you can bring it up yourself if the opportunity arises. Otherwise, it doesn’t seem like something you particularly need to discuss.
Since this is a meaningful connection, you should talk about it if you want their support with something. If not, it’s probably the kind of topic you can mention casually later on, if at all.
Your past may have played a part in bringing you together now, but if you’ve already come to terms with it, there’s hardly any need to bring it up.
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Hmm... Honestly, realistically, it sounds difficult.
If you don’t want to end things, bring it up little by little and watch their reaction. If you sense anything feels off, stop talking about it.
Fuu is looking for fun, lighthearted papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) involving money, so personally, anything too heavy would be a bit much.
That said, there may be papas who want to help and support someone who’s dealing with serious problems. So if the questioner’s papa is the kind of person who can accept that—unlike Fuu—then maybe it’ll be okay...
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If you feel comfortable and you’re genuinely curious, I think it’s fine to talk about it!
Even with people I meet and date through Universe, I’m used to asking on the second meeting about things that aren’t mentioned in their profiles at all.
It doesn’t apply to everyone, so please take it only as a reference.
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I continue seeing women after accepting their entire past, but I’ve never once asked a woman about her past. I simply wait for her to bring it up on her own.
P.S. Mack, you’re so cool—please hide this question for me. 🙇
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