I’m posting because I’d like some advice about finding a marriage partner.
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I’m a single man in my 40s who runs his own business. I’m a member of Universe, but only for completely transactional relationships. If I were to seriously consider marriage, could anyone advise me on where I might look for a partner?
With typical matchmaking agencies, you’re required to post a photo, educational background, and income. My annual income is in the higher range, and I have savings in the eight-figure range in yen, although I dropped out of university to start my business. Given that, I’m reluctant to put up a profile with my photo because it could pose a risk to my privacy and safety. I understand that, at my age, financial stability is probably the only thing I have to offer, but are there any ways to meet women who are looking for marriage—other than dating apps and marriage agencies?
I’ve attended a few婚活 parties open to anyone, but I felt completely out of place and couldn’t manage. My work environment is almost entirely male, I don’t drink at all, and I wouldn’t say I’m handsome. I also attended boys’ schools throughout middle and high school, so I’ve never been very comfortable around women.
Would it be asking too much to hope for an opportunity to meet relatively high-caliber women while keeping my privacy protected?
I’m sorry that this question isn’t related to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but I’d appreciate any advice.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
Money and no weird quirks, plus humility.
↑ You can absolutely find someone regardless of looks.
Money and a few quirks.
↑ Even then, you’ve got a pretty good chance.
That’s pretty much how the marriage market looks for men over 40, so I think you’ll probably find someone without much trouble.
That said, I feel like the high-level women you have in mind simply aren’t in the marriage market.
As a last-ditch effort, you could also casually ask your current papa-katsu partner, “By the way, if you were to marry me, would you have any terms or conditions?” It might actually be worth a try.
P.S.
If you want to develop some new skills, trying pickup now might not be a bad idea either. I’m 42 and still approach women around Shimbashi, but honestly, the only thing I’ve really gained is humility.
Unless you genuinely and sincerely engage with women in a relationship, I don’t think you can really improve at dealing with them. You can’t face their true nature—not in a bad way—until you’re actually dating them.
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You clear ¥100 million a year and have over ¥1 billion in assets, right?
Universe Club is definitely the way to go. You don’t have to get married—just follow the example of a regular here called “Makeotoko” and date them one after another.
If you treat them well and mind your manners, you might eventually meet someone who wants to get married.
As someone who’s divorced, I honestly don’t see the point of marriage.
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Judging from what you’ve written, if you’ve never been married at your age, despite your income and assets, I think you’d be happier living a life without marriage.
If you’re divorced, I’d recommend looking for a partner through a matchmaking agency or something similar.
I don’t know what you look like, but someone from your generation should have been able to get married long ago. So I think you should just give up on that, change course, and live a life where you generously spend all those assets on club women—or whatever else.
Maybe something could start from there. At the very least, become a real gentleman when it comes to spending your money!!
If you keep saying nothing but wishy-washy, naïve things, your life will pass you by in no time!!
I think all you can do is reflect on how foolish you’ve been and move on.
Also, since Universe is a place where men and women meet, you don’t need to keep marriage and dating separate there if you want to find a spouse! I think Universe gives you the best odds of finding a marriage partner.
You’re single, so if a club woman wants to marry you, you really could get married.
Club women join to earn money, but they also do so because they want to make their lives meaningful and happier! If you genuinely want to contribute to the other woman’s happiness, mutual love could happen quickly.
To make that possible, you need to understand what it means that you’ve reached your age without ever being able to marry, and approach women with an awareness of where you stand. Otherwise, club women won’t take you seriously as a potential partner.
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It’s frustrating that I can’t tell what specific amounts people mean when they say things like “a major milestone” or “double digits.” When presenting terms to women, please use clearer wording.
I also don’t understand the supposed danger of posting a profile with a photo on a matchmaking service. Aren’t you simply insecure about how you look in photos?
These sites and agencies exist precisely for people like the questioner. You don’t want to register, yet you want to meet a high-caliber woman. I suppose being introduced by friends or acquaintances would be ideal—but you don’t have any connections like that, do you? Probably not.
More importantly, why do you want to get married in the first place? You meet someone, start seeing each other as acquaintances, ask, “Would you go out with me?” and get a “yes,” becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Then, after deciding, “I’m happy spending the rest of my life with only this person,” you get married. The way you talk about it makes me think you’re treating marriage far too lightly.
Marriage is something only people who are prepared to say, “I will never have sex with anyone but this person for the rest of my life,” should enter into. It’s like entering a convent. In a good sense, it offers security; in a bad sense, it’s a binding curse.
Oh, right. Since you run your own business, why not start a matchmaking agency on the side? I’m pretty sure there are franchises where, for a fee, you can use an existing database of members. I’m not sure how viable it is as a business, but if you have the money and want to see what’s inside, it might be worth considering.
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Let me share a painful experience from when I was younger. I didn’t have much experience with women either, and I ended up becoming deeply involved with a woman who worked in the adult entertainment industry. I seriously considered dating her and even marrying her, but that older woman talked some sense into me:
“Things may be good for a while, but sooner or later, the circumstances of how you met and the way you’re involved will inevitably lead to you hurting each other.”
Now I really understand what she meant.
Honestly, my advice is to value your relationships with other men, no matter how small they may seem. Those connections can lead to wider circles, and eventually the right opportunity to meet someone may come along.
Also, I hear that matchmaking agencies vary widely, so looking into them through websites and videos might be worth considering. Though, personally, I wouldn’t really recommend this place for that purpose. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned.
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It seems that opportunities to meet high-level people in closed circles are often built around introductions and existing relationships of trust.
For example, these might include communities of business owners, members-only venues, or introductions from acquaintances or business contacts. Rather than approaching it as婚活 from the outset, naturally building connections within a trusted network may be closer to what you’re looking for.
You mentioned that you don’t feel particularly comfortable with women, but choosing an environment where you can have calm conversations may make it easier to naturally meet someone who suits you.
Considering your position and what you’re looking for, rather than putting yourself out into a broad marketplace, I think the best approach would be to value connections made through a limited number of trusted circles.
I hope this leads to a wonderful connection.
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Your savings are 10 yen, not 9 yen.
That’s impressive.
Setting that aside, if you join Universe Club and write on your profile, “I’m single, but I’d like to maintain a polite relationship with women without getting too close,” you might attract a beautiful woman who, in a good way, sees the possibility of marrying you.
Conversely, if you write something that hints at marriage, such as, “I’m single, and if I meet the right person, I may consider taking things further,” your chances of getting married will drop to zero.
Please read women’s psychology carefully and get to work on finding a wife.
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If you don’t know where to look for someone, registering with a matchmaking agency seems like the obvious choice.
It costs money, but if your annual income is in the “big-league” range and you have savings in the double digits, I doubt the fees would bother you much.
When you say your income has reached the “big-league” level, do you mean ¥1 trillion? And by double-digit savings, do you mean somewhere between ¥10 trillion and ¥99 trillion?
If you register, I feel like you’d get plenty of messages from women interested in your income.
If you don’t want to submit a photo, couldn’t you ask the agency about it? If your annual income is over ¥1 trillion, I imagine they’d help you find someone even without a photo, and women would probably agree to go on dates with you.
That said, from what I’ve read about people’s experiences with matchmaking agencies, the bigger issue seems to be the rule that you can’t become physically intimate until you’re married.
Apparently, people worry about what they’ll do if they aren’t compatible after getting married. That seems to be why they can’t quite take the plunge.
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As a man, I can’t really understand that mindset, but apparently some women can fall for someone based on factors like financial strength and social status.
If you have financial means and a high social standing, why not consider an arranged marriage? In Osaka, there are still circles where the unspoken rule is that, after marrying through an arranged match, the couple builds a home or condominium in Osaka City.
If you’re in a rural area, perhaps you could ask the owner of a long-established company—the third or fourth-generation president, for example. Tokyo probably has its own version of how people in the upper class get married.
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It’s Fullerene!
I feel like we have something in common.
It makes me want to bring out the best in you. lol
Anyway, why not break down what you mean by “a relatively high-caliber woman” into specific, individual qualities?
You’re smart, so I think this advice alone should be enough.
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If you have money, you could probably do very well with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). But if you’re set on getting married, that’s a different stage, so here’s my answer.
First, immediately get rid of negative thoughts like “things were different in the past” or “my workplace is all men.” Then work on improving the aspects of your appeal besides money. Your appearance, for example, can be changed fairly quickly if you’re willing to invest some money.
When it comes to women, individual differences matter, but you can make up for a lot simply through experience.
Pay for an introductory course at a pickup academy, then go every day during the daytime to places packed with people, like Ginza, and start by approaching 100 women a day on your own. You may get ignored almost every time, but keep repeating trial and error so you can improve. Your appearance, conversation skills, and everything else will steadily get better.
If you keep that up for a year, you’ll probably be enjoying a whole new perspective and won’t be asking questions like this anymore.
I look forward to hearing your feedback someday.
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If you have money, are already registered with a dating club, and are at that age, is there really any benefit to getting married in the first place?
It feels like your savings would just be withdrawn and spent, like an ATM.
If you have money, you can enjoy papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), or find a favorite hostess bar or Ginza club and spend freely. You’d probably be pretty popular.
Professional women are incredibly good at spotting men with money.
If you really want to get married but don’t like dating apps, maybe matchmaking introductions would be the way to go—through one of those private matchmakers, perhaps?
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