Sorry for the strange question, but I’d really appreciate some advice.

My ace monthly partner and I are in our sixth year together. Another top-tier favorite, whom I call “Queen,” is in her fourth year, and No. 3 will soon be reaching the five-year mark. I think I’ll support the women I’ve been seeing for a long time for the rest of their lives. In fact, Queen got married and had a child, but we’ve continued seeing each other. We stopped having an adult relationship after she found out she was pregnant, but I’ve continued giving her a fairly substantial amount every month without changing her allowance. There’s no set endpoint, though one may come suddenly. As long as the women want my support, I hope people will continue supporting them. Uninvolved outsiders sometimes say ridiculous things like, “Giving women too much money is bad. You’ll ruin their lives.” But to hell with that. Just tell them, “Shut up, you poor loser. Nobody asked for your opinion.”

Let’s stop with the whole “normally” thing to begin with. Ethically speaking, we’re already doing something that’s “not exactly normal,” after all. So as long as you’re not causing trouble for others or breaking the law, and the two of you are okay with it, anything goes 🙆‍♂️ That said, papa-katsu is still papa-katsu. Anything done within the papa-katsu framework is papa-katsu. A lot of women draw a clear line between papa-katsu and what’s considered “normal,” so be careful to make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

Some people apparently do get married, though. I think Uniba gives you a congratulatory payment if you report your marriage, doesn’t it? It’d be interesting if that could be used as a point toward a new offer, but that’s probably asking too much. Sometimes a girl will stay at what you might call my live-in place—or rather, my apartment for seeing women. The longest anyone stayed was about six months. It’s a two-bedroom, so there have even been times when two girls lived there. One girl has been around for about six years now, but in my case, once it passes the two-year mark, the distance between us doesn’t really change. It’s just shallow water stretching on forever. I suppose it’ll end someday, but I don’t feel particularly sentimental about it. With a lover or girlfriend, the past probably becomes something precious. But with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), everything that’s built up over time means nothing. I guess it’s because we settle things with money each time. One day, the relationship will end and it’ll be as if nothing ever happened—and perhaps that’s how it should be. “One day, you will become aware of my existence; and one day, you will forget it ever existed.”

How long do you consider “long-term” to be? After all, this is a relationship involving money, and women tend to go through many life changes, so I think two years is already plenty long. From a biological perspective, it’s said that men’s sexual interest in one particular woman tends to decline after two or three years. As dopamine decreases and the instinctive drive to pass on one’s genes efficiently kicks in, after two or three years—enough time to have sex, have a child, and see that child start walking—it may be more beneficial for the genes to be passed on to other women. That increases genetic variation and reduces the risk of extinction for the species. Wanting to leave one’s genes in as many different individuals as possible is instinctive, after all. Personally, I think the ideal situation would be to enjoy things for about two years, with the man enjoying plenty of intimacy and the woman receiving plenty of allowance, then parting on good terms with no hard feelings and only happy memories. When one person’s feelings become stronger than the other’s, I feel like the relationship doesn’t tend to last smoothly. The woman I stayed with the longest and I parted ways when she got married and had a child. We were together for about four years, from when she was 19 to 23. The woman I’ve been seeing the longest now is probably in her third year. There was a time when we saw each other less often because she got a boyfriend, but after they broke up, it seems like our frequency is returning to normal. Well, every situation is different. I’d like to keep seeing the woman I’ve been with for three years now. The adult relationship is really good, and I haven’t gotten tired of it yet, haha. Of course, when the time comes to say goodbye and one spot in my rotation of monthly arrangements opens up, it’s also fun and exciting to make new offers and search for someone else. It’s also true that the instinctive desire to pass on my genes to different women can produce an electrifying pleasure when I’m with someone for the first time.

I think it’s best to let the woman decide what kind of relationship you have. Even with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), a relationship between a man and a woman develops, and there’s no telling where that connection might lead. Even if you met through a club, I think it’s perfectly fine to hope for a normal relationship. Why? Because wouldn’t the woman herself rather receive an allowance through a normal connection or relationship than through papa-katsu? That said, the beginning is crucial. Once you agree to meet for a certain allowance, you’ve essentially started the relationship as papa-katsu… and it becomes incredibly difficult to change the nature of that relationship later. Ideally, you’d be able to start dating soon after meeting. But if that’s difficult, you may have no choice but to build that kind of relationship over time. After five years, she might become independent and graduate from papa-katsu. Or you could continue the relationship—with or without an allowance—for as long as you both want.

> If you become more intimate, I suppose the relationship might progress to living together and eventually getting married. It’s not really about whether this is a “normal” relationship—it’s about what you’re looking for, isn’t it? If what you want is marriage, then all you have to do is look for someone you can marry. These days, it’s perfectly normal to marry someone you met through a dating app. But until fairly recently, people would have said, “Marry someone you met through a dating site? Is that really okay?”—and that was the norm. In the end, what matters is what your goal is and what the best way to achieve it would be. And since relationships vary depending on what each person wants, it doesn’t really matter how everyone else is dating. Think carefully about your own goal and what you want, then consider what you need to do to make it happen.

Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is already in its final form from the start, so I don’t think it develops any further. If you were to get married, papa-katsu would simply have been how you met—it wouldn’t still be papa-katsu. In my case, I consider the arrangement over once I’ve been in touch with someone for more than five years. After that, we might occasionally exchange messages, go out for a meal, or I might listen if they need advice. Men may not go through major changes in their life stage as often, but comparatively younger women may get married, have children, or get divorced.

I found Fuu’s comment quite insightful: “From the animalistic side of human nature, they say that a man’s sexual interest in one woman tends to decline after two or three years.” It does make sense. Three years does feel like a major milestone. I can count on one hand the number of people I’ve continued seeing for more than three years. There was one person with whom things lasted on an entirely different level. Our relationship ended a few years ago, but we had truly amazing chemistry. I can’t help comparing everyone new I meet to her, and although I know that’s only natural, it can still feel a little bittersweet. That said, even with someone like her, I never reached the point of wanting to get married. I don’t think marriage to me was ever a consideration for her, either. When it comes to this kind of dating-club activity, I believe that for married people, their family has to come first. I remember reading somewhere about an old saying among Kyoto’s traditional businessmen: “A man who can’t properly take care of his family has no right to pursue women.” I’m certainly no Kyoto businessman, but I always try to keep that principle in mind. The relationship should always involve an allowance, and the risk of having children should be avoided as much as possible. I feel that being thorough about those things helps women feel more comfortable. Of course, it probably means the relationship is unlikely to progress beyond that point—and I think that’s perfectly fine.