I have a question about how to maintain the right distance with a papa (a male supporter) I recently met.
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He’s kind and a good person, but he said that what he’s looking for in women he meets through the club is a pseudo-romantic relationship. I agreed to that, and we’ve met several times. It looks like we’re about to move into a monthly arrangement.
However, his LINE messages are quite long, and I feel like he may be becoming a little dependent on me. I’ve been replying in a moderately businesslike way—for example, when he says, “Thinking about the time we spent together made me want to see you again,” I respond, “We had fun! Let me know when you can meet again.”
I find a transactional relationship more comfortable, but I imagine many papas are looking for a pseudo-romantic relationship. How do you all maintain the right distance? And if you have any tips for keeping a long-term arrangement going, I’d love to hear them.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
If a transactional relationship feels easiest for you, then go with that. If you think another approach would suit you better, do that instead.
It’s not about what everyone else is doing—it’s about what you want.
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For men, I think the key to making things last with Fuu is basically to match the woman’s pace.
That said, since you’re a woman and you seem kind and genuinely nice from your message, pretending to be seriously in love would probably become emotionally draining. If you’re also seeing multiple people and would be fine even if things ended with this papa, I think it’s better not to act lovestruck and to keep a clear boundary.
My recommendation is:
Go all out with the adult relationship in private, but keep a clear boundary everywhere else—just breeze through it, lol.
One of Fuu’s monthly partners is a woman in her 30s who may have been part of the former Minato-ku crowd, so I’ll tell you about her because she has an incredible sense of distance.
She’s extremely attractive, and the adult relationship is amazing. She’s very proactive, gets on top, kisses while doing it, and is enthusiastic about everything from 69 to standing positions. She’s also very good at presenting herself.
But in conversation and over LINE, she suddenly pulls back. She keeps a boundary and doesn’t let you get too close. A true veteran.
She doesn’t reply to messages outside of making plans, either. When it’s about an appointment, she responds immediately with short messages, lol. Even if you suddenly ask her out, she has a fairly high acceptance rate.
From the man’s perspective, it’s hard to let go of someone who’s great in an adult relationship. Her schedule is easy to coordinate, and her immediate replies also leave a good impression. She really knows what she’s doing.
I remember thinking, “She’s a papa-katsu professional,” lol.
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I just met a PJ who wants a pseudo-romantic relationship. It was our first meeting.
I understand the questioner’s feelings so well now that it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say I understand them better than anyone.
The pressure is intense, isn’t it? For a second, I thought I might actually get murdered.
He grilled me about my relationships with women, asked my real name, my job, where I lived, my hobbies, and my family situation. I thought, “I’m screwed. There’s no way I can turn him down” (he was Type C), so at the last minute I secretly messaged a friendly hostess I was supposed to meet tonight:
“I need you to call me right now.”
I worked hard to type those nine characters, got her call, and put on a little three-act drama in the café—“Huh? Are you okay? Seriously? Where are you right now?”—and I’ve just made it back alive.
That’s all from the scene.
Update: It seems I’ve been locked on as a target. That’s all for now.
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It’s more about getting a feel for the right level of distance. Just because they send you a long message doesn’t mean you have to reply with one. Probably. I guess it depends on the person, though.
When someone’s writing long messages, they’re probably caught up in the moment, so as long as you don’t say anything that brings them back down to earth, it should be fine. If anything, just sending a sticker might be the safest option—and maybe even the better one. I don’t know, lol.
If they clearly stated from the start that they want a “pretend romance,” then it’s not genuine romantic attachment, so I’d say it sounds like a good arrangement. As for what kind of distance feels right, wouldn’t it be best to ask them directly?
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I don’t want anything resembling a romantic relationship, so things won’t last with a woman who does. Some are hesitant about messaging and will send me a photo saying, “I’m eating gyoza today, too.” Then I’m left wondering whether I’m supposed to reply, “I’m having xiaolongbao,” so honestly, I’d rather not deal with that.
If you can’t do a pseudo-romantic relationship, it may be less stressful to choose a papa who doesn’t want one either. Even if you continue seeing the papa you want, one of you will eventually just be forcing yourself, so I don’t think it’ll work out.
If you still want to continue with her, you have no choice but to adapt to her. You’re not going to change her mindset, so there’s no point dwelling on it. Look for someone else.
Hope this helps.
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Many people seem to struggle with how much distance to keep from someone seeking a pseudo-romantic relationship. The kinder the person, the more thoughtful and lengthy their messages tend to be, which can start to feel a little burdensome.
One option is to tell them, “I’m the type of person who wants to value the time we spend together,” and gradually keep your LINE messages a bit more casual and light. For example, you could explain that based on past experiences, becoming too emotionally close can leave you feeling drained, or make it difficult to sort out for yourself whether the relationship is only pretend or something real. You could say that you’d rather focus on having a genuinely enjoyable time when you’re together.
This can make it easier for the other person to understand that this is simply your stance, and the frequency and tone of your messages may naturally settle down.
If your boundaries still don’t align, I think the relationship is more likely to last if you prioritize one you can continue without forcing yourself, rather than constantly trying to accommodate them.
Once I started being more conscious of maintaining an appropriate distance, I found that more of my relationships ended up lasting longer. In some cases, I’ve been seeing someone for over 10 years.
Please remember to value your own pace.
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I’m answering as an older man who’s looking for a pseudo-romantic relationship.
Personally, I’m not interested in exchanging LINE messages as part of that. LINE is a hassle, I’m getting tired of the stickers, and I receive hundreds of messages every day for work and half-work-related networking events. I simply don’t have time to look at anything that isn’t urgent or important.
That said, I do feel happy when I occasionally get a LINE message saying they’d like to see me or that there’s something they want to talk to me about, haha.
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I’m also a papa who wants a pseudo-romantic relationship. However, I see it as something limited to the time we’re actually together.
I only use LINE about once to three times a week to confirm the details of our next date, plus the occasional message when she’s traveling or has some other little event to report.
In your case, it might be best to:
- Look for a papa who doesn’t message much in everyday life
- Look for a papa whose allowance is high enough that he’d be comfortable messaging regularly as well
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This really depends on the papa, so there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. For me, though, I’d say my current situation is either a transactional relationship—or, if anything, a “pretend relationship just for the moment.” I’ve told them not to contact me because I’ll be the one to message them on LINE, but none of them respect that, and I’m getting pretty fed up.
Maybe working in the adult entertainment industry would suit me better after all.
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Long time no see, Flag Maker.
A purely transactional relationship is boring. I like the feeling of a pretend romance, but having a real boyfriend or girlfriend means daily contact and being tied down, which gets exhausting. Somewhere in between is ideal.
In proportion to the allowance, you should at least reply at about ¥1,000 per character.
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I’ve always thought papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) was surprisingly similar to consulting. Consultants have set contracts, but depending on the client, you end up with difficult projects or relatively easy ones.
There are plenty of times when you think, “Wait, they’re asking for more than what’s in the contract.” But the approach is to increase your client base, optimize the whole picture, and cut ties with clients who aren’t a good fit.
It’s hard to stop someone who wants to lick your nipples, right?
So just look for new encounters with people who are happy with a reasonable amount of nipple-licking.
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