I was caught meeting another papa by a papa who seems genuinely in love with me—and to make matters worse, the two of them know each other.

First, think about which one you want to keep: the papa who won’t stop calling, or the papa you have a transactional relationship with. It may seem complicated, but the situation is essentially the same as when it comes out that your boyfriend has been seeing two people at once. The two relationships can’t coexist, so you have to choose one. Even if you choose the transactional papa, he could still cut you off afterward, so think that through carefully as well. Once you’ve decided, apologize to one of them and end things. Then apologize to the one you’re keeping too, act contrite, and say, “I ended things with him. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to continue seeing you.” The difference from dating two-timing is that, if either man is married, his wife is waiting in the wings. The scariest outcome is that things blow up and his wife finds out. As for gifts and furniture, if there’s no written loan agreement, anything you were given belongs to you. If he keeps demanding that you return them, you can simply consult the police. They should go to the man’s place and calm things down as a stalking case.

You mentioned that you couldn’t sleep last night. Feeling frightened by your partner’s obsession and demands for money is a perfectly natural reaction. If you absolutely have to meet to bring things to a resolution, make sure to choose somewhere with plenty of people around, such as a café or hotel lounge—somewhere you can easily leave. Your safety comes first. As for the demand to settle up financially, there’s little legal basis for retroactively charging you for past gifts or everyday expenses. You could probably win if you chose to fight it, but I understand that confronting him is scary… For now, perhaps you could offer a superficial apology to avoid hurting your papa’s pride and calm things down, while gradually considering a clear separation—including moving out and cutting off contact completely.

> He told me to settle up for all the gifts he’s given me so far, as well as the furniture and appliances he paid for when he rented my room for me… I’ve always wondered what people mean when they say things like “return the gifts” or “settle up for the gifts.” The only things you need to return are things you borrowed. Gifts aren’t something another person can order you to give back; they’re given willingly by the person who owns them. And whether you “settle up” by throwing the items away or selling them, you can’t force the other person to receive money or have the items returned to them. The person who wants to settle things can do so, but the result belongs to the person who carried out the settlement. You could argue that the furniture and appliances weren’t gifts, but items he lent you. Even so, that seems like a pretty unreasonable argument. Women tend to be afraid of trouble, so many choose to return whatever they can. But I think it’s important to recognize that what he’s saying is fundamentally unreasonable. I’ll say it again: ownership of things you were given belongs to you. So it’s up to you whether you choose to give them back. Honestly, I almost wish you’d reply, “As for your request for the [item] and [item] I have, I’ll consider it.” Is this guy a beggar or something? That said, stalking incidents happen all over the place, so you should move first. If he still comes after you even after you move, I think you should consult the police. It would probably be best to prepare without letting him notice and then move suddenly. I hear moving costs have gotten expensive lately, so I know it won’t be easy, but staying where you are seems quite risky.

Naturally, you don’t have to return gifts—including furniture and appliances—that you were given. If they were given on the understanding that you would have an intimate relationship, they still can’t legally demand that you return them, even if there was some misunderstanding. If you’re worried about violence or harassment due to complications involving papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), take it to the police. Since this involves a serious romantic fixation, the police are relatively likely to act under the Stalker Control Law, treating it as a dispute between a man and a woman. However, you’ll need to explain the facts clearly and state exactly what you want. The police are busy too, so if your intentions aren’t clear, they may try to pressure you into backing down or giving up. Why not consult the police and ask them to tell your papa (a male supporter) that you want to end things?

Since you’re a woman, you probably still have a way out in the end, but take this as a lesson and learn how to handle these relationships going forward. No matter how generous someone is, make sure you can tell whether it comes with no strings attached or whether it might turn into a mess like this before accepting anything.