I like someone and want to know how to win him over. (He’s not an ordinary guy.)
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He’s in his 50s and single. We slept together once, and now I regret not making him wait longer.
Afterward, he told me not to contact him again. I thought, “Oh, so he was only after one thing.” But we met through something like a club or group, so we still see each other regularly. When we do, he calls me by my first name without any honorifics and touches me casually.
I want to understand what he’s thinking. If possible, I’d like to date him.
Please give me some advice.
I guess you weren’t physically compatible. If things had been good, you could at least have become friends with benefits.
Physical compatibility includes things like personal hygiene, too.
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> I’d like to understand what he’s thinking. If possible, I’d like to date him.
I think it also depends on how the two of you ended up becoming intimate. Were you the one who made the first move, or was he the one pursuing you? That could make a difference too.
> He told me not to contact him anymore.
Unless you contacted him repeatedly—or sent him quite a lot of messages—I don’t think he would have said that.
Taking that into account, I’m having trouble making sense of what you’ve written.
If the two of you became intimate because you were pursuing him, then perhaps he never really intended to date you in the first place.
Another possibility is that he initially thought you were a good person, but after becoming intimate, he felt it wasn’t quite right.
Since you’re in the same group, make sure no one else finds out—presumably that’s what he wants—and try to get along with him normally again. You may have another chance that way. In the meantime, you could also think about what went wrong with the intimate relationship.
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I’m not sure what you mean by “not an ordinary man.”
As everyone else has said, though, it’s clearly going to be difficult.
If he knows you’re interested in him and you still have chances to see each other through your club or social group, you could try treating him very coldly—or even acting like you’ve found another guy you like.
If he’s the type of man who can’t stand losing a woman who was interested in him, he might take the bait.
That’s about all I can suggest. You might have a chance if he becomes attached to someone who’s pulling away.
Hope that helps.
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You’re really left with only two choices: keep waiting for them to reach out, or contact them just once, even if it risks bothering them, and see how they respond.
If you do manage to get in touch, I think it’s best to be honest about your feelings. Most people wouldn’t mind being liked by a woman 20 years younger than them.
Oh… so the other person isn’t “most people,” then… JSImport.
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It sounds like you already have your answer, so there isn’t really much advice I can give.
He probably decided that while he enjoys being friends with you, he no longer wants anything intimate.
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