Why I Do Papa-Katsu (Compensated Dating in Japan)

This is a survey asking, “Why do women receive an allowance through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?” For the questioner, it seems to be: ① Money to give herself some breathing room when she’s barely getting by. Well, money can mean different things to different people. ② Money as proof that she has value as a woman. ③ Money to pour into something—host clubs, starting a business, and so on. ④ Money she simply wants because she’s driven by greed. ⑤ Money that works like an emotional condom, so she doesn’t fall in love. Anything else? By the way, that “favorite papa” of yours may have a high academic background, but I doubt he’s some ridiculously popular ladies’ man. A truly popular guy would know how troublesome it is when someone falls for him after dating without money being involved. Personally, I’m not interested in what an allowance means to women. Honestly, I’ve never struggled financially in my life, so I still find it baffling that a few pieces of paper can get a cute young woman to open her legs. I understand that money is convenient, but I’m not particularly interested in money itself. Come to think of it, I may not be interested in romance either. I do like sex and that sort of thing, so I indulge myself fully, though. The questioner seems to be having a lively time worrying about both romance and money. They’re both forms of desire. From my perspective, there isn’t much difference between them, and neither is worth agonizing over. Basically, you didn’t just start wanting the money—you started wanting the man too, right? That’s all it is. Desire brings more pleasure, but also more suffering, so good luck. Even though it’s the same “reason,” I’m more interested in why the questioner posted here. Maybe she got divorced and is barely scraping by—probably a single mother?—and, while doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and feeling emotionally parched, she unexpectedly developed feelings for someone again. She wants to talk about it like a typical “girl talk” conversation, but because papa-katsu is involved, she can’t carelessly discuss it even with her best friend. So she hoped she could chat with women in similar situations here. Isn’t that the real “reason”? I do think that’s rather endearing in its own way. Sorry the first person you hooked was an old guy who can’t do girl talk. I can at least listen, though, so feel free to give us an update if your relationship with this favorite papa changes. It’s nice and peaceful. > I love making it look as though I’m being controlled while actually manipulating the other person. I really like dominant types. I think I understand that. I don’t have an interest in BDSM myself, but I like going to BDSM bars and often listen to people from that scene. Someone’s minority sexual preference is like a weak spot, so the idea is to target it, use bedroom skills to draw them in, and make them unable to live without you—in other words, create codependency. Money may look like control, but it isn’t truly control, so it could get in the way there. > Couldn’t you build a different kind of relationship with him, rather than relating to him as a papa? If you were Yozakura, you could probably handle that naive papa who goes on about how “a relationship involving money feels empty.” But the questioner seems to be a beginner, so it would probably be safer to avoid playing with fire. She may end up becoming the mummy instead of the mummy hunter. > > Apparently, he doesn’t want to think of it as an allowance for an adult relationship (intimate). > Even so, I can’t believe there are people who say things like that while doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). According to my research (lol), there are three types of men like that: ① Men who have always been able to hunt for themselves and strongly believe they might still have what it takes. Usually around forty. I call it “papa-katsu adolescence.” They tend to be fairly well educated, but they aren’t exactly high-spec. A genuinely popular man can approach women at hotel lounges and find as many partners as he wants without using apps or clubs. Even then, he’ll probably give them at least some money to avoid complications later. ② Unpopular single men looking for marriage. They search through dating apps and the like, but they’re attracted to beautiful women and never get matched. They see that the women registered for papa-katsu are attractive, assume they might have a chance, and sign up under that illusion. ③ Plain old cheapskates. I thought Kamihikōki might be type ①, but despite being fairly advanced in age, he still wears that attitude like a suit of armor. At this point, I think we can call it a fetish. So I’d like to add: ④ A fetish. There doesn’t have to be a reason for a fetish. If I had to speculate, the desire to repeatedly relive the sexual awakening of adolescence is at the root of everyone’s fetishes. So perhaps he’ll keep pursuing something like that “date with the manager after club activities” that he mentioned before until the day he dies. Maybe Yozakura’s BDSM interests also stem from the first naughty material she encountered during adolescence? My formative experience was the panty-flipping in Go Nagai’s Harenchi Gakuen, so I ended up with that kind of fetish myself, lol.

If someone simply told me, “I’d like to receive an allowance because I’m afraid I might start falling for you,” I’d be completely smitten, lol. But do you think that papa (a male supporter) would get hurt? Honestly, I think it would be better for both of you not to continue seeing each other half-heartedly. But if you want to keep the relationship going, you might be able to get through to him by saying something like, “It’s not about the amount—I need to draw a line for myself emotionally, and this is how I’d like to do that,” while avoiding making it sound too much like an allowance. Either way, it’s up to you. There are many different ways to handle this kind of relationship.

I’ve only used Universe and Patro, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think that man is probably very popular with women. Perhaps he’s had women agree to that kind of arrangement before—or still does—which is why he approached you the same way. I don’t think it’s fair in the context of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so personally, I’d cut him off immediately. But if you want to continue seeing him, you should probably stop expecting an allowance. No matter how he phrases it, he’ll simply move on to find a woman who’ll date him without an allowance, rather than looking for the next person through the usual allowance-based arrangement. Hope this helps.

I only have an adult relationship (intimate) when an allowance is involved. When I was younger, part of the reason was that the allowance served as a kind of safety net. But now, my main feeling is, “Because there’s an allowance, I get to be with such a wonderful woman.” Men who think, “Let’s do this without an allowance,” are completely beyond my understanding. It feels similar to being married with no children and telling your stay-at-home wife, “I’ll cover the rent, utilities, and my share of the groceries, but I’m not giving you any living expenses because it feels like paying a sex-work fee.” What exactly is the difference between the living expenses you give your wife and the allowance you give your mistress? That’s an eternal question.

Saying something like, “I’m struggling financially, so please give me money as living expenses rather than as an allowance,” probably wouldn’t hurt the other person. On a separate note, the other day I made an offer to a woman in her mid-thirties (A-type) and went out for dinner with her. She was so beautiful that, for the first time in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I felt I might actually lose my heart to someone. At the time, I told her: “You’re an incredibly wonderful person. If I weren’t used to being around women, I might have fallen in love with you. But don’t worry—even if our relationship somehow developed beyond papa-katsu, I’d still support you properly.” I thought this might be a variation of the questioner’s situation, so I wanted to share the story.

Let’s first clarify why you want to meet this man. Do you want to see him as part of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? Or, even if it isn’t romantic, do you want to see him separately from papa-katsu as a way to relax and unwind? If you’re already receiving plenty of allowance from other papas and don’t need anything from this man, meeting him without an allowance may actually make it easier to become emotionally invested and enjoy the relationship. You don’t have to receive the same amount from every papa. With a papa—or rather, a man—who doesn’t give you an allowance, you may be able to build a valuable, easygoing relationship where neither of you has to worry about being overly considerate. If you aren’t receiving an allowance, you can also do things you might not be able to ask a papa to do or do with one. Ultimately, it depends on what you want from him and what kind of relationship you want to maintain. > For the male papas: what would you want a woman to say? If I were around her age, I probably wouldn’t understand the idea of an allowance at all. I think saying, “I already receive plenty from my other papas,” would be fine. That would make it clear that she sees him differently from the others. If she wants to receive an allowance, I think it would be better to end things. > “I’m struggling financially, so…” That might be a good thing to say. He might even offer to give you 2 or 3 million yen and ask you to hold onto it for a few years. If that happens, be honest with him about the reality of your other papas as well. He may be willing to support you in various ways, taking all of that into consideration. > Papa-katsu involves money, but you’re also free not to involve money at all. Having the freedom to keep money out of the relationship is extremely valuable for women. Unlike men—the ones in the position of control—women are often bound or constrained by money and men. That sense of release, freedom, and spontaneity that comes from not being tied down by them must be incredibly comfortable. Rather than simply being someone to share that feeling with, a man who enables a woman to feel that way may be a truly valuable person to her. Everyone has things that are harder to obtain than money. Personally, I honestly can’t understand men who spend money going to men’s esthetic salons, cabaret clubs, or lounges. From a woman’s perspective, I think she can usually tell within just a few minutes of meeting someone for the first time whether he’s a customer or something different. Most women see everyone as customers, but there are extremely rare exceptions. I think the same applies to papa-katsu. Rather than figuring it out over the course of their meetings, a woman may already be able to tell within the first five minutes of conversation whether the relationship could transcend papa-katsu. With papa-katsu, unlike other arrangements, it’s also necessary to talk for many more minutes—or even hours—and meet several times to confirm things. That’s what makes it different from lounges and men’s esthetic salons. I think that’s because, in papa-katsu, there are many men and women who approach relationships differently from people in the nightlife industry, while still wanting to be considerate of each other and build a good relationship. > I thought Paper Airplane was probably type ①, but considering he’s already at a certain age, the fact that he still wears that attitude like impenetrable armor… this must be a “fetish.” There are many different types of people. They can be broadly classified, and then probably divided into even more subcategories. To begin with, if certain circumstances hadn’t arisen in his family, he probably would have continued being happily in love with his beloved wife forever, while also enjoying lifelong relationships with several girlfriends. He was originally a devoted man who was probably fundamentally a good person—and still is. Those circumstances led him to where he is now, but even that alone probably wouldn’t have made him join a dating club. He had no interest whatsoever in women he passed on the street or anyone other than the women he was seeing. But when a younger woman he was dating told him she had joined Universe, it came as a complete shock. He was amazed to learn that such a beautiful woman right in front of him was actually registered there, and decided to join as well. Once he joined, he was stunned by how professional and well-organized everything was. Without those two events—the woman’s report and the other incident—he probably would never have become interested in dating apps, dating clubs, or papa-katsu. > ① He’s always been able to do the hunting himself and strongly believes he may still have what it takes. Around forty. I call it “papa-katsu adolescent syndrome.” He’s fairly smart, but not exactly high-spec. A truly popular man can approach women at hotel lounges and find as many partners as he wants without using apps or clubs. Even then, he apparently gives them at least some money so there are no loose ends. I don’t think I was ever capable of hunting on my own. I don’t think I had that level of confidence or ability. That may be why I never ask for a woman’s contact information when I meet her. Even when I was a student, I would simply give her my contact details. For some reason, she would contact me a few days later, and we would end up going on a date. The same pattern continued as I got older. That’s also why I don’t contact women from the club first. Since I lack confidence, I probably think that if she contacts me, I can take that as confirmation of her intentions. “Adolescent syndrome” might apply to me. Even now, I probably still have a small part of me that’s like an innocent child. I was convinced I was fundamentally a good person, so until recently I had lived believing that no one in this world was truly evil. > I’ve found about two people who are very knowledgeable about shibari and am currently studying it. Sometimes I get tied up by a girl who’s really into shibari. She’s diligently training under a master. Night Sakura, you’re not from Kansai, are you? > Fetish I think my fetish is that I can’t live without having a girlfriend. From my school days until now, there have hardly been any periods when I didn’t have a girlfriend. My relationships have also tended to last a long time, and I rarely break up. People often compare someone to air, but these days I feel that, to my family, I may have gone beyond being air and become “carbon dioxide”—technically part of the air, but actually unnecessary. If they had a pet, I might be treated casually as someone below the lowest-ranking family member, even lower than the pet… Maybe the women I meet also feel that I provide that kind of easygoing, calming sense of security. Recently, I’ve been writing various additions here, and it feels like I’m sorting out my thoughts about myself. I’ve started to gain a little confidence because women have taken an interest in me, contacted me, and formed relationships with me. People have always told me I have a nice voice. My looks may not be much, but perhaps having a nice voice isn’t such a bad thing after all. Maybe that’s a major reason. When people are together, they don’t spend all their time looking at each other’s faces; what they’re constantly exposed to is the other person’s voice. If they find comfort, calm, and a sense of peace in that voice and its pace, maybe that counts for a lot. Just as people have voices they dislike and voices they love, even among famous singers… And after talking for five minutes, someone’s impression of you will probably improve considerably from their initial impression based on your appearance alone.

If it’s a papa-katsu app, then that reason feels pretty unfair. If it’s a regular dating app but you negotiated it as papa-katsu, I can at least understand the papa’s point of view. You shouldn’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, so it’s ultimately up to you. If you need the allowance and don’t mind ending things, keep accepting the allowance. If he’s someone you’d want to continue seeing even without an allowance, then do that. Especially if you’re around the same age. If the papa is older, the allowance probably wouldn’t feel as strange.