I was dumped by my papa (a male supporter), whom I really loved.

That’s a tough one. There are all kinds of reasons someone might stop meeting up. This may go against the rules, but if you like him that much, how about trying the “I’ll treat you to tea this time!” approach? If that still doesn’t work, move on to the next one.

Since this isn’t about falling in love, I wonder whether “being dumped” really applies here. It feels a little different. If we think of a relationship as time spent together by two people whose interests align, then all you’re doing is looking for someone compatible. If you find that person, they may become truly special and potentially someone you can’t easily part with. And even if you don’t, realizing along the way that someone isn’t right for you is fine too, isn’t it? If the relationship itself doesn’t carry much weight, then rather than saying one person cut the other off—or was cut off—it simply means things never progressed to the point of continuing, doesn’t it? **Additional note** In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—and in life in general—I don’t really have any desire to satisfy myself at someone else’s expense, so I basically don’t come to dislike a female partner, even after meeting her four or five times or more. I never message first from the beginning, so if the woman doesn’t contact me, things simply fade out naturally. In papa-katsu, both sides are considerate of each other because an allowance is expected, so it’s not often that people are fundamentally incompatible. But it’s also not that common to find someone you click with well enough to meet three or four times or more. If things continue, whether she’s a monthly arrangement or simply one of my favorites, I can always stop meeting her by not contacting her myself, so I don’t feel there’s any need to formally cut things off. If she stops contacting me, it naturally fades out. If some time passes and she contacts me again, I might meet her if she’s one of my favorites. But if she was someone I had been seeing regularly, once there’s been a gap, I generally don’t feel like meeting her again. I assume the question is about cases where the man no longer wants to meet, but the woman continues contacting him. There’s currently one woman like that—a club woman who messages me every week or two. Last year, we ended up meeting once after she contacted me about having two or three hours free. She’s continued messaging me regularly since then. I reply sometimes and sometimes don’t, usually after a delay of four or five days, and I’m basically waiting for her messages to stop. That said, I haven’t left her messages unread, so the possibility of meeting again isn’t zero. We’re just one step away from naturally fading out.

It’s the same with romantic relationships: once someone clearly tells you they want to break up, getting back together is pretty difficult. It may sound cold, but if your papa (a male supporter) doesn’t intend to see you anymore, it might be better for him to block you on LINE so you can give up and move on sooner. I think you should accept it, wait for your next offer, or find another boyfriend or friends-with-benefits partner and try to forget him. I understand how painful it feels. Fuu has also fallen for someone and then been blocked on LINE, so try to let your feelings gradually fade with time and other relationships.

First, you need to figure out whether you were actually rejected, or whether that’s just how you’re interpreting the situation. (That said, I understand that if you can’t meet, it probably feels the same either way.) Generally, people who want things to fade out naturally will stop making plans, so in that sense, not being able to meet is basically the same as being rejected. However, unless he has clearly said so, there’s still a small possibility he may come around. (Although it may end up being more of a “Well, I guess I’ll meet her since there’s no other choice…” situation.) > Even just getting tea together would be fine. I’m not sure what you mean by this. Do you want to become friends who simply meet up for tea? That said, if a man has time to go out for tea, I think he would often rather spend it meeting another woman. So the focus seems to be on why he won’t meet you and what the deciding factor was. For example, some men will end things with a woman who says she doesn’t need any money, because they anticipate problems down the road. On the other hand, some women may be cut off because they ask for a higher allowance. I think you’re troubled because you don’t know the reason. Even so, I think it would be worth carefully thinking back over what happened. Maybe you overslept and had to change the meeting time, or perhaps you were late. Those kinds of things could also have played a role.

I’ve had all kinds of ways of ending things. Recently, there was a girl who left a handwritten note saying, “I thought it might be rude to do this over LINE, so I wrote you a letter instead…” A little earlier, there was also one who turned it into a full-blown scene and got the police involved. When I was the one ending things, I usually either deleted the chat without reading the message or read it but didn’t reply. Lately, though, I often send something like, “I think we should end our arrangement because of [reason]. Thanks for everything.” The “[reason]” is usually something minor, but those girls had already been on my list to phase out for a while, so I send it when I feel I’ve finally got a good reason to cut things off. After meeting someone five or ten times, their true personality gradually starts to show, so that’s usually when I reevaluate things. I’ve had about three girls I broke up with and later got back together with. ① I ended things by deleting her unread LINE messages. About six months later, she searched for me on Messenger, KakaoTalk, and other social media and contacted me. I was won over by her persistence, so we started seeing each other again. ② A girl told me, “I’d like to end things,” and I replied, “Oh, I see. Understood.” She was good enough at her sport to win at the prefectural level, and when I saw her posting about it on Instagram, I messaged her, “You’re working hard. I’m rooting for you.” She replied and said she wanted to see me again. Later, I heard that she’d said she wanted to end things because she was hoping I’d increase her allowance, but she never imagined I’d actually cut her off. I guess she thought I was a fish firmly hooked on her line. ③ We ended things because she got engaged, but then she realized her boyfriend was abusive and sent me an SOS, so I stepped in to help her get out. > She replies to my LINE messages, but won’t meet me. There could be several reasons: ① She doesn’t want to cut things off completely, but is keeping you around for now. ② She doesn’t have any money. ③ She really wants to end things but is indecisive. ④ She’s afraid that if she cuts you off too abruptly, you’ll become a stalker. (This is common among women who get a lot of attention.) Can anyone think of other possibilities? Number ④ is more common among women who are popular. In my experience, popular men, on the other hand, often completely tear the other person down. Either way, being popular is tough for both men and women. One-sided affection is almost like violence. It’s hard having to keep batting away all those sparks. I’ve also written a new column, so please take a look if you’re interested. I hear people sometimes get annoyed when the answerers seem too friendly with each other, so I may not always reply, but I’d be happy to hear your thoughts in the comments. P.S. Oh, right—there was one girl I was too scared to cut off. She once told me, “When a man cuts me off, I get angry, and I send him a long message saying, ‘I really hated this and that about you!’” Her father was involved in organized crime. I handled her very carefully, gradually reducing how often we met by giving one excuse after another whenever she contacted me, while always replying so as not to offend her. I haven’t heard from her on LINE for about three years, so maybe I’m finally in the clear.