I’m happy that my papa (a male supporter) has offered to buy me a car worth around ¥7 million, but I currently receive a monthly allowance of ¥150,000 for seeing him once a week. He says that because he’ll be buying the car, he’ll reduce my monthly allowance to ¥80,000 from now on, and somehow I can’t feel good about it.
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Apparently, the loan payments will be around ¥100,000 a month. The car will be registered in his name.
I’m happy that I’ll get to drive the car I want, but since it won’t be in my name and I won’t be able to keep it if we break up, part of me feels like he’s being a bit stingy. How does this look from the papa’s perspective?
I can’t have a boyfriend or get married because he’s genuinely in love with me, and yet he wants to reduce my allowance because he’s buying me a car while still expecting to see me every week. I can’t help feeling conflicted.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
This sounds less like an actual gift and more like a proposal to change the terms on the grounds that you’ll be given a car.
Your monthly allowance would drop from ¥150,000 to ¥80,000, while you’d still be meeting every week. The car would be registered in the papa’s name, so if you ever parted ways, you’d be left with nothing. And if your options for dating or marriage are also restricted, it’s hard to say the balance is fair.
Meeting every week for an allowance of ¥80,000 feels less like something special and more like a fixed arrangement that’s convenient for him. It’s completely understandable that you don’t feel comfortable with it.
Having access to a car would certainly be nice. However, if your allowance is going to be reduced significantly, then it isn’t really a gift—it’s an offset. In that case, you don’t have to accept it, and it’s perfectly reasonable to turn down the offer this time.
If you want to explain how you feel, you could say something calm and straightforward, such as:
“I appreciate the thought behind the car. However, since it wouldn’t be registered in my name and my allowance would also be reduced, I feel that it would put too much of a burden on me. If we’re going to continue meeting at the same frequency, I’d like to keep my current allowance. Otherwise, I’d prefer to forget about the car this time.”
When someone proposes changing the terms, it’s important to stop and think it through. Please value that feeling of discomfort you had.
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- You get unlimited use of the ¥7 million car you want (registered in someone else’s name), plus ¥80,000 a month.
- You can’t use the car, but take home ¥150,000 a month.
- Or give up both and seriously look for a genuine partner to marry.
The last option simply feels the most romantic to me, but it depends on you.
If you’re (probably) young and cute, I imagine the extra attention and distractions can make things difficult.
If it were me, I’d look for a husband who would buy me a ¥10 million car and be an excellent, bottomless ATM—even if I were broke right now, lol.
Ah, is that answer against the club’s interests? Feel free to delete it.
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He buys a car as a business expense and lends it to the person who asked the question.
And yet he wants to cut her allowance? That’s unbelievably stingy.
Being able to meet once a week—four times a month—for a monthly allowance of 150,000 yen is incredibly reasonable.
The blacklisted woman I met this week charged 100,000 yen per meeting. It felt cheap because it was the first good match I’d had in a while, though.
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Leasing a used Lexus would probably cost around ¥70,000 a month. It’s reasonable, but since you’d be giving up ¥70,000 in cash each month, cash might actually be better.
It’s a bad deal if you’re expected to pay for things like the vehicle inspection yourself.
If he’s a papa (a male supporter) who doesn’t pressure you into anything unpleasant, keep him around while also looking for someone wealthier.
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I think it’s simply a lack of communication.
Do you realize how expensive it is to maintain a car? If he’s also covering the insurance, parking, inspection, gas, highway tolls, and so on, I’d say that’s a good deal if you’re a car enthusiast.
It sounds like you’re just not that into cars. You should try to build a relationship with your papa (a male supporter) where you can discuss these things more openly.
P.S.
What concerns me more is that you’re not allowed to get a boyfriend or get married. Considering that restriction, the allowance seems far too low to begin with.
That’s probably the main reason you feel uneasy about the situation.
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You could expense the remaining ¥80,000 as the driver’s wages, and everything would be perfect. Maybe ask the person who posted the question to make sure they’re properly enrolled in social insurance too?
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It might be worth considering if your papa (a male supporter) is willing to cover all the costs, including parking and maintenance. But I think you’d be better off continuing to receive the 150,000 yen allowance and buying a car within your own means.
Lending or borrowing things can quickly become a source of trouble if you break up.
I hope this helps.
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I wonder if he had really treated you that well…
If you’re a woman from a dating club and he had been good to you, it’s only natural to interpret things in your favor and feel a little greedy. So it might be worth telling him honestly how you feel.
If the 7-million-yen car is the one you’ve always wanted and dreamed of driving, I think you can clear things up by having a proper conversation.
If your relationship continues for five or ten years, the car could be worth nearly several years’ worth of allowance. But if it doesn’t last, then you’ll simply be borrowing a car.
A papa’s intentions can sometimes be misunderstood, so if you talk things through properly, I think you’ll be able to understand each other on a deeper level.
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I started my own business at 30. At the time, a respected senior entrepreneur gave me this advice: “For the first ten years after starting a business, throw yourself into it wholeheartedly and keep pushing forward.”
I’m not confident I can objectively say I did that. But partway through, my company faced the threat of bankruptcy, so I didn’t have the luxury of feeling “kind of unsettled.” That’s why, after reading this, my first thought was, “Must be nice to have time to feel that way.” And yes, of course, that was sarcasm.
I’m writing this as a reminder to myself, but if you’re still feeling lost in your thirties, before you know it you’ll be an old hag with nothing left to do but take off her panties. Get it together!
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> The car would be registered in your papa’s name.
That doesn’t really count as having it bought for you. You’d only be borrowing it.
Still, if you’re okay with simply being allowed to use it, I can understand why you wouldn’t want your allowance reduced.
It might be best to come to an amicable agreement along the lines of, “I don’t actually need the car after all, so I’d like to keep my allowance as it is.”
Arguing over whose name the car is registered under will probably only lead to conflict, so I think it would be better to drop the idea of the car altogether.
That said, if the car were registered in your name, I think it would be reasonable to accept a lower allowance. A 7-million-yen car would probably sell for around 3.5 million yen, so even if your allowance were reduced by ¥70,000, it would still work in your favor up until you’d met 50 times—roughly speaking, that’s the break-even point.
Of course, if the car is registered in your name, you’ll need to properly file for gift tax and take care of the necessary paperwork.
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With things like residual-value financing, the line between ownership and use has become pretty blurred. Even if the car isn’t registered in your name, you could say you’ve been given a car if you have one at your disposal and can drive it freely.
When you said you wanted a car and your papa bought one, I assume he made it clear that your allowance would be reduced in exchange—something like, “Should I buy you one?” or “Shall I arrange a car for you?”
If he never made that condition clear, why not ask for the same allowance as before?
If you never properly discussed the financial terms, don’t know what’s going on, and your allowance was reduced without your agreement, maybe it’s best to end the relationship.
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Sounds fake as hell.
Is she one of those people who often show up on X bragging, “Look how much I’m making through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)”?
If it’s true, then the papa (a male supporter) she’s in a monthly arrangement with has absolutely terrible judgment for giving that much to a woman who can’t even be grateful. lol
But I guess that’s just how the world works sometimes.
I mean, if you want to fall genuinely in love or get married, you could do that at the same time—just arrange your life so both are possible. Since papa-katsu is ultimately a relationship mediated by money, it feels like such a waste.
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