I have a papa (a male supporter) who’s genuinely in love with me—and he’s married.
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Starting this year, we’ll be running a business together. I got a boyfriend last year, and I might end up marrying him, but do you think my papa will find out?
I’m scared of how he’ll react if I tell him I’m getting married. He’s very jealous and suspicious by nature. He invites me on trips and out for drinks at night, although I’ve been turning down the trips.
Once I’m married, I obviously won’t be able to continue as before, right?
For those of you who are married or living with your partner, how do you manage papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
And for those who got married while doing papa-katsu, did you eventually quit or reduce how often you met your papa?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
With all due respect, I think Yozakura’s answer is right. Both running a business and getting married are extremely difficult on their own. From what I’ve read, the only way this might work is if you came clean to both of them and drew a clear line between the two relationships.
It seems you’re trying to keep both of them in the dark while making it work.
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It’s way too dangerous to let a papa who’s genuinely in love with you keep believing there’s a chance, especially when you already have a serious boyfriend, and then go into business together.
If you reverse the genders, it’s about as risky as a hired CEO having an affair with the owner’s wife.
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Unless your papa is completely chill, I don’t think it’s possible to start a business together after you get a boyfriend or get married.
Fuu is the kind of papa who says on his profile, “I support you having other papas, a boyfriend, or friends with benefits.”
In Fuu’s case, the woman did papa-katsu from around 19 to 24. She started living with her boyfriend at about 21, then got married. She continued seeing him for a little while after getting married, but once she had a child, they naturally parted ways. She even sent him a LINE message with a photo saying, “The baby was born.”
Now he sees another married woman during the day on weekdays, only until it’s time to pick up her child from daycare.
Anyway, even if it turns into a huge mess, why not tell your papa and see how he reacts? If you do break up, you’ll probably enjoy papa-katsu more if you either choose someone like Fuu next time or tell them from the start that you have a boyfriend and go with a papa who’s okay with it.
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A papa is likely to continue only when he feels he has advantages over a potential marriage partner.
In that case, the person asking would probably consult her papa first and foremost. And if he’s jealous, that already shows he doesn’t have much emotional leeway.
I think you’ll have to decide whether he’s more dependable than your boyfriend in the long run—not just financially—and choose accordingly.
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If he’s just a papa who’s genuinely fallen for you, that’s one thing. But if you’re stringing him along by saying things like “I think of you as my girlfriend” or otherwise giving him false hope, he’ll probably turn into a seriously unstable papa once he finds out you have a boyfriend and are getting married. You should avoid going into business together too—it’ll only lead to trouble later.
God forbid.
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If your papa (a male supporter) is jealous and suspicious by nature, I think he’ll probably find out, and there’s a good chance it could also interfere with his business.
Generally speaking, many men do celebrate when their partner gets married. When someone decides to graduate from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), they may part on good terms, continue seeing each other occasionally, or shift to a dinner-only relationship (no intimacy)—apparently with the same allowance as before.
So I think it really depends on the people involved.
> Once you’re married, you obviously can’t continue, right?
I think some people do continue. Apparently, many couples become sexually inactive after about five years of marriage, and some women start looking for arrangements around then.
I suppose the benefits are that they receive an allowance while also satisfying their unmet desires?
That said, I think you still need to be extremely careful not to get caught.
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