Is giving a married papa (a male supporter) chocolates for Valentine’s Day too risky?
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If it were an overnight date, we could eat them together and he wouldn’t have to take them home, but this is a day trip.
If he were living away from his family for work, I could give them to him without worrying. But since he goes home to his wife and kids, I do want to give him something, while also wanting to avoid getting caught and having us break things off because of it.
What do you all do for Valentine’s Day and other special occasions?
How do you all handle this?
If I get chocolates on Valentine’s Day, I just say, “Thanks,” and accept them, but I don’t do anything in particular for White Day.
The only thing that makes me a little happy is when someone says, “It’s been three years since I first met you on [date], so our third anniversary is coming up.” I’ve forgotten about it myself, though. It makes me happy, but I don’t actually do anything.
It’s not that I never buy them anything besides their allowance. When I feel that a girl is someone special, I might buy her something a little expensive.
It’s not the anniversary that makes my feelings run high. When my feelings run high, that’s when it becomes an anniversary.
I forgot to answer the question. From a very old-fashioned, pre-digital-era perspective, if it’s just some ordinary store-bought chocolates, a married man might take them home, hand them to his wife with a slightly proud look, saying something like, “I got these from a business associate,” and then his wife and kids would eat them. If you’re okay with that, then I guess you can give them to him.
Personally, if I received chocolates from a woman in her twenties, I’d probably think, just a little, “I guess she sees me as some old guy from the Showa era who’d be happy to get chocolates.” But that’s probably just the bitterness that comes with getting older. I’m not happy at all when someone tells me it’s my birthday, either—in fact, it irritates me a little.
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It is a risk, sure, but normally, adults can take care of things so there are no traces by the time they get home.
Maybe just avoid anything too large or with overly elaborate packaging?
More than anything, I think it’s wonderful that you’re considerate enough to think about things like this. Your papa (a male supporter) is a lucky man.
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I have a sweet tooth myself, so I thought it might be nice to give some, but it seems like a lot of people don’t really want them.
That said, if it’s a box of about four pieces costing around ¥1,500, I wouldn’t mind giving that. I don’t think she’d make a big deal out of receiving a few small ones, and even though obligatory chocolate has become less common lately, I think you could still pass it off as, “I got some obligatory chocolate.”
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I’d be happy with something that isn’t homemade or expensive. If he seems married, we could just eat it together in the room.
I’ve received something like that a couple of times before (I’m married, though).
Even if you don’t eat it in the room, you can always say you got it from someone at work, so a chocolate gift probably isn’t something to worry about too much.
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If it’s store-bought, I don’t think it’s a problem even if you’re married. You can just say you got it at work.
If it were an issue, I’d eat it or get rid of it before going home anyway.
By the way, I don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day because having to return the favor on White Day is a hassle. If I could just give them 10,000 yen and be done with it, that’d be fine—but 10,000 yen feels kind of cheap, and it’s a huge pain having to think of, look for, and buy a 10,000-yen return gift.
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If I were married, I’d be absolutely thrilled!
The fact that you’re giving him chocolate shows how you feel, so it would really touch me.
When you hand it to him, just say, “I wasn’t sure whether I should…” and give it to him.
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Unless you’re making one as large as a whole cake, I think you can give it to him without worrying too much.
If it’s a papa (a male supporter) who can’t take it home, he can just eat it somewhere after you part ways and then head home.
Personally, I worry about my blood sugar, so I’d be concerned if the portion were simply too big.
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Anything that might suggest another woman is involved is pretty high-risk, right?
So why not go with a chocolate-smearing play and consume it on the spot?
Since Valentine’s season is also when sake breweries open their doors for tastings, I’d personally be happy with some delicious new sake too.
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High risk?
If he’s going home to a wife and children, wouldn’t it be better to avoid gifts that suggest another woman?
The answer is already in the question.
What do you all do?
Around special occasions—his birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and White Day—I automatically make myself unavailable by claiming to be busy.
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