Is it rude to ask what kind of activities are involved beforehand?
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I really feel uncomfortable with the idea of putting “that” in my mouth when it’s someone in their 60s or 70s. If I’m going to do it, I’d want some extra allowance.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I’d say you should offer an allowance that includes the usual things:
Hugging, kissing, deep kissing, having your breasts fondled, being licked, oral, missionary, woman-on-top, and doggy style.
It’s probably better not to treat these as options.
Every now and then, you’ll meet women who say no to kissing, nipple play, oral, or being licked. They’re boring, so I end things with them immediately.
For me, 69 and doggy style are the default, so my monthly partners are women who are willing to do those things in addition to everything listed above.
When that’s the case, they’re usually the type who look refined and innocent but are actually quite erotic.
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First of all, I think the best thing about an exclusive dating club is that you get to decide your own boundaries. Everyone has different ideas about what they will or won’t do and how far they’re comfortable going, and there’s no need to force yourself.
That said, the fact that you’re wondering, “Is it rude to ask about the details in advance?” probably means you already feel, on some level, that it might come across as inappropriate. If so, you may need to be a little more thoughtful about how you ask and phrase things.
To be honest, asking for every detail upfront in an interrogative way is likely to make the other person wary. Even though you’re the one asking the questions, your wording could easily come across as rude, which probably isn’t the best approach.
Instead, it’s simpler to decide your own standards clearly—“I’m willing to meet under these terms,” or “For someone in this age range and with these expectations, I would want this much allowance”—and then state the amount. I think simply making your offer is enough when negotiating terms.
“I can’t do anything beyond this.”
“I’m willing to accept under these terms.”
Calmly communicating those boundaries isn’t rude or selfish.
Being able to say no to things you’re not comfortable with is one of the advantages of an exclusive dating club. Protect your own feelings while making sure your wording is a little more mature. I think that alone can make a big difference in how the exchange comes across.
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Grouping people as “those in their 60s or 70s” is a bit too broad. Does the person asking the question really feel comfortable putting any young man’s penis in her mouth?
I think it’s actually more disrespectful not to discuss and confirm the details of the arrangement beforehand. At the very least, I always ask, “Is there anything you don’t like being done to you, or any acts that are off-limits?” This is the kind of thing the man should probably bring up first. So if I had to put it bluntly, I think the disrespectful ones are “men who don’t confirm the details beforehand.”
As for age, what I think about these days is that there are still girls around 20 who are willing to see me for 50,000 yen on a pay-per-meeting basis, but maybe eventually they won’t be interested in me anymore.
When I think about what I’d do then—whether I’d increase the allowance—I feel that, in my case, I’d probably take it as a sign that it was time to quit this lifestyle. I think that’s still a little way off, though, so who knows.
Something like, “So this is where it ends. I’ve done it all. Thanks to everyone in the Universe, the dating clubs, and the apps. I had a great time.”
I want to enjoy myself today and tomorrow so that, when the day comes, I can quietly step away with a smile.
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If there are various things that are off-limits, I’d feel more comfortable if you asked about them beforehand. Though I do explain some of them myself.
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Hmm…
It isn’t rude to ask about what you’ll be doing beforehand, but I think it’s better to focus on how to make the other person like you.
Even if you don’t particularly care whether they like you and your only goal is the allowance, being well-liked at the first meeting makes it more likely that you’ll receive a generous allowance going forward as well.
So, saying, “I’d like you to use a condom,” shouldn’t count against you. (Strictly speaking, it may be a negative for men who want to go without one with anyone, but those men are dangerous, so I think it’s fine if they lose interest.)
Other requests, however, may work against you.
So it’s safer not to ask.
And if you mean, “If we’re going to do that, I’d like to receive a little extra,” it’s very simple: just state the allowance you want from the beginning on that basis.
In other words, assume that many men dislike being told, “I want an extra amount for this,” and simply tell them the allowance you want from the start—one that you’d be satisfied with without needing to negotiate an additional amount.
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People’s opinions on things differ, and it also depends on the circumstances. So asking a third party whether something is rude probably won’t tell you much.
That said, some people might see it as a sign that she’s very experienced, but personally, I have no problem with confirming things before moving on to an adult relationship (intimate).
Once in a while—maybe one woman in a hundred—I’ve had someone suddenly insist that she only gives her boyfriend oral sex in bed, so we ended the meeting without doing anything.
I’m the type who gives the allowance before anything starts, so I let her keep the allowance and we parted ways.
Since this has only happened with about one woman in a hundred, it just goes to show that everyone sees things differently.
That said, in your case, if the man is in his 60s or 70s, wouldn’t it be safer to discuss the allowance with an amount that already includes a little extra in mind, rather than asking about the details of the activities first?
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I’m still meeting mostly women for the first time, so bringing that up right away in a café with other people around is a bit much…
I do confirm the terms in the hotel room before anything starts, but I end up agreeing to pretty much whatever she wants—haha.
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It’s better not to ask. That alone is a turnoff.
Even among couples and married partners, some women don’t give blowjobs, some don’t like having their private parts licked, and some don’t like being touched there. So naturally, the odds are about the same with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
In fact, if she’s comfortable with all of that, it can make her seem experienced. I tend to think someone is an amateur precisely because she isn’t comfortable with those things.
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