I’m a guy in my mid-50s. When we first meet, I’m often asked, “About how many people have you met so far?” or “Have you met anyone good?” What’s the best way to answer that in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? lol
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Obviously, it’s not my first time, but I don’t want to answer honestly and scare them off. On the other hand, saying, “You’re the best,” right after meeting isn’t really my style either… Once, I asked back, “What about you, [name]? Have you met anyone nice?” and she looked a little uncomfortable before quickly changing the subject.
I figure most of the time they’re just asking casually to get the conversation started or keep it going. So if anyone has a go-to response—a reliable template, so to speak—I’d love to hear it.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂50s👑Universe male member
Long time no see. It’s Aya.
I haven’t heard this very often myself, but I think some girls say things like this when they’re having trouble finding something to talk about—or to market themselves and establish their position.
Here’s an example of a “perfect answer” that made me happy, from a papa I’m still seeing:
Q. “About how many people have you met so far?” “Did you meet anyone you really liked?”
A. “Well, at first, partly out of curiosity, I met girls who seemed interesting to me. But sometimes the conversation didn’t flow as well as I expected, or we turned out to be surprisingly incompatible. With students, they mostly talked about ~~~, so I couldn’t really relate to them. With office workers, it was ~~~, and the more professional-looking girls were ~~~...” (He would talk about the traits of the girls he didn’t click with, and so on.)
After talking about that for a while, at just the right moment, he continued:
“So I asked the coordinator to pick out someone who would suit me. I told them I wanted to hear their recommendations instead of choosing based solely on my own instincts. Then they recommended you. As I started wondering what qualities they thought would make us a good match, I got more and more intrigued, and that’s how I ended up here today. I realized I shouldn’t just make the choice based on my own assumptions.”
This is such a great answer. It leaves a good impression because he’s willing to listen to the coordinator instead of following only his own desires, and I also like that he doesn’t seem to judge women solely by their looks.
I highly recommend it.
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I’m the original poster. Thanks, everyone, for all the detailed answers.
Incidentally, I ended up asking this very question myself recently when I met a girl for the first time, lol. Looking back, my mindset was: after we’d finished talking about our hobbies and getting to know each other, I found her attractive and was thinking, “I’d like to invite her somewhere right after this if possible, but I have no idea how to bring it up.” You really do start overthinking in situations like that… What if she turns me down?! What if she asks for a huge allowance?!
So when I got stuck for words, I blurted out, “Have you been with this club for long? Have you met a lot of different people?”
As I mentioned in my previous question, the conversation in the past often went something like:
“How many people have you met? Did you meet anyone nice?”
Me: “Huh?! Um…”
Then: “What are you doing after this today? If you’re okay with it, would you like to go to a hotel or something?”
Now that I’ve tried it myself, it finally makes sense. This time, she did tell me about her experiences with the club in response to my question, but honestly, more than half of my mind was occupied with figuring out how to invite her somewhere, lol, so I don’t remember many of the details.
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I think this is a question people hear—and ask—quite often.
As Makeotoko wrote, it usually comes up when we’re not especially interested. The other person may not be very interested either. If she likes you, there would be no need to ask something like that in the first place.
Since neither of you is particularly interested in the other, the conversation becomes a back-and-forth of feeling each other out and testing the waters.
When you like each other, both sides are more proactive. If she responds well, especially on the first day, you’ll have so much to talk about that the conversation won’t come to a stop.
Some women answer truthfully, while others give a much lower figure than the actual one.
You can usually get a rough idea from whether her LINE account uses her real name, a nickname, or just a single initial.
Among the women around me, most use their real full name in kanji or their real first name on LINE, so if I can’t tell a club woman’s real name, I generally don’t feel inclined to pursue an arrangement with her. Most of the women I’ve made offers to have used either their real full name or their real first name.
**P.S.**
As for a surefire approach:
I think it’s a good idea to prepare a few original questions and answers of your own.
1. Ask a question that no one else would think to ask.
When she asks you the same question in return,
2. Give an answer she wouldn’t expect—the more unexpected, the better.
If she becomes interested, the conversation will naturally expand, and she’ll also become more deeply interested in you. The more she feels an appeal that sets you apart from other men, the more she’ll be drawn to you.
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Welcome to the answer section, Mr. Mid-50s!
> I’m often asked at the first meeting, “About how many people have you met?” or “Have you met anyone good?”
I’ve handled nearly 200 offers in total, but I don’t remember the exact number. I’d say I’ve been asked that by around 20–30 people.
There are probably two reasons behind those questions:
① They’re not really thinking about it, or they lack conversation skills and are simply asking something meaningless to keep the conversation going.
② They have a good impression of me as a papa and, ideally, want to pursue a one-on-one relationship.
> “A foolproof template”
I do have one, but I’m worried I might reveal my identity if I post it here, so I’ll keep it to myself.
■Update
Welcome back, Aya! ☆
I’m so happy ♡
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I’m the person who asked the question (a guy in his mid-fifties).
I’ve taken the time to read everyone’s answers carefully. I imagine that, because of my clumsy wording, I may not have fully conveyed what I was trying to ask. Some points made me think, “That makes sense,” but it also reminded me that people interpret things differently depending on their personality and the way they live—including their likes and dislikes.
There’s not much point in us venting our feelings based on our own assumptions while remaining faceless to each other, so I’m going to close this question here. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.
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Is the person asking all these “man in his 50s” series of questions a woman who also has accounts belonging to the respondents?
That’s just my impression, lol.
Even if that’s not the case, I really don’t like people who put themselves down by calling themselves an old geezer. Wouldn’t “club member” be perfectly fine? And there’s no real need to mention their age either.
I’ve been asked, “Have you met many people?” Since I’m in my seventh year, I answer, “Yes, quite a lot,” lol. Then I ask, “How about you?” and I often get vague replies like, “A few people…”
Even if you ask, I feel many people wouldn’t answer honestly until they became quite close, so it seems like a pointless question to me.
I suspect both sides probably give vague, unsatisfying answers most of the time.
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I think you probably ask when you get the impression that the other person is experienced with papa-katsu.
As for the answer, I don’t think there’s any deeper meaning to it. It’s probably just a way of confirming whether your impression—that he was used to papa-katsu—was right or not.
> Some good “go-to template”
How rude! Why not just answer honestly and properly? Is there something you can’t tell them?
I think you can simply tell them how many people you’ve met. And since you presumably made the offer because you hadn’t found anyone you really liked, it seems fine to just say that as well.
Then, so the other person doesn’t have to struggle to keep the conversation going, you can take the initiative and provide some conversation yourself. That should let you move on to the next topic naturally.
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In my case, the woman I’m currently seeing asked me about it the other day (lol).
I’m generally pretty honest about it. Even when I meet someone and feel like we hit it off, I’m an old guy, so it’s not easy for me to find a new partner among the women I meet.
“You’ll meet someone eventually!” she encouraged me, and that’s how our opening-date conversation ended.
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Like the person asking the question, I’ve been asked this many times. Maybe it’s because I ask women the same question myself. I have pretty questionable tastes, after all.
When it comes to the number of women, I beat around the bush because it’s embarrassing, but I answer honestly about the women I’m seeing.
Their reactions vary, but I just grin because I think that’s one of the best parts of the dating club experience.
I should add that I’ve sometimes thought, “A template response? Do you have absolutely no brain?”
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I’ve never had a woman ask me that as a conversation starter or to keep the conversation going. They may ask when the conversation is lively, she’s taken an interest in me, and the mood has shifted to “I might be open to seeing him”…
Are you really that bad at conversation? It sounds like the women are reluctantly asking questions like that because the conversation doesn’t start smoothly or pick up naturally…
There’s no such thing as a “surefire template.” What matters is having the sensitivity to gauge how the woman feels, isn’t it?
In my case, I’m honest about my relationship status with only one of the women I’m currently seeing, and I explain why I came to make her an offer this time.
Make sure you communicate in a way that gives her a sense of security and trust.
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I’ve never been asked anything like that. Are you really an older guy?
I tell them upfront: “I currently see more than a dozen women every month and am intimate with them, anywhere from once to four times a month. Since we go on both daytime and evening dates, I have around 40 slots a month. They all receive 50,000 yen pay-per-meeting. I never single anyone out as a particular favorite or discriminate between them. That’s my policy.” So what’s the issue?
> Any good “go-to template”?
A line I hear from women surprisingly often is: “I recently joined a dating club, but I haven’t found anyone I really like, so I was thinking I’d make you my last date—and I’m planning to choose you as my one and only and quit as well. Would you quit too and make me your one and only?”
Apparently, some men have been saying that every single time they make an offer and go on a first date, for years. Just like scam emails, I guess there are women who fall for it. If you’re comfortable lying, why not give it a try?
P.S.
Have you become one of the respondents? So you really are an older guy after all. My apologies. Still, I honestly don’t remember ever being asked anything like that. Maybe I’ve just forgotten.
But if I answer seriously, precisely because it’s such an inconsequential question, I think you should simply answer honestly rather than use a “go-to template.” Save the lies for more important situations. People will trust you more that way.
Reading Mr. Make-Do’s answer made me wonder: maybe women ask that because the man gives off the impression that he wants her to date only him? Questioner, does that ring any bells?
After reading the questioner’s update:
I usually ask women fairly early on, “What kinds of men have you met so far? Have you met anyone unusual, interesting, or memorable—whether in a good way or a bad way?” It’s simply out of curiosity. You can meet as many women as you like in this world, but you don’t really know what kinds of men are out there.
Then I share some of the stories I’ve heard from the women as well. I’m careful not to reveal anyone’s identity, but I share what I can. It’s an exchange of information about the worlds we each see.
Based on the questioner’s update, maybe you’re so focused on going to a hotel that you’re not very interested in other men or women. That may be why you’ve arrived at the idea of just using a “go-to template.” Hearing about other men’s preferences can be pretty interesting too, and it broadens your perspective. I think that’s another enjoyable aspect of this lifestyle.
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