Speaking from my position as a financially struggling office worker, I suspect the amount changing every time may largely depend on his financial situation.
That said, I think it feels completely different depending on whether you get the sense that he’s “not feeding the fish once he’s caught it,” or whether you can feel that, although the amount is small this time, it’s the most he can sincerely offer. Which does it feel like to you?
I haven’t been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for very long either, but talking about the allowance is really delicate. There’s also a sense that once you bring it up, things may already be over...
You either have to read the atmosphere carefully and convey how you feel, or bring it up after deciding that you’re prepared to end the relationship if necessary.
It really is difficult.
Karasaki from Universe Club’s Yokohama branch here.
As for the allowance, this gentleman seems to be paying you properly. However, if you don’t clearly agree on the terms beforehand, it can lead to trouble, so I think it would be best to be honest and discuss it with him.
Changing the amount based on how satisfied he was is quite disrespectful.
I’m not swimming in money either, but I’ve never gone about things in a way that made a woman feel like I was being stingy.
So my answer is: “Men like that may exist, but not every man is like that.”
I recommend looking for someone else and, once you meet a good man, ending things with your current papa.
> Could the different allowance amounts each time be based on how satisfied he was?
If the wording doesn’t suggest that he felt the allowance was too low or that he was dissatisfied, I don’t think it necessarily reflects the man’s level of satisfaction.
Conversely, it could be that he wasn’t very satisfied, took a long time to finish, or added extra because you also had to put in more effort for him.
When it’s a girl I especially like, things sometimes progress to an adult relationship without us even discussing the allowance. The more often I see someone, the more it starts to feel like pocket money, so I think it’s better to give her plenty. Sometimes she’ll ask me for money like a daughter would, and I’ll also give her a little spending money on various occasions. I might even give her change at a vending machine or convenience store…
So I think adding extra is entirely possible.
> There’s also the possibility that he doesn’t think I’m worth giving a fixed amount to every time…
That may be the case, or it could be the opposite.
With married couples and romantic partners, some people gradually feel less value in each other over the years, while others come to value each other more. Some couples get bored with each other over time, while others only grow more fond of each other. It varies.
The phrase “beyond papa-katsu” has also come up, and the discussion in the question box has really picked up again after a long time.
When I try to imagine what “beyond papa-katsu” means, I feel that, in my case, maybe I don’t actually want to do papa-katsu. Maybe I’m not interested in papa-katsu. Perhaps I’ve never thought of what I do as papa-katsu in the first place. (Although, in reality, it is papa-katsu…)
Apparently, I’m not interested in papa-katsu or what lies beyond being a papa, either. I seem to be the type who wants to transcend papa-katsu from the very beginning.
If you think of examples like hostess clubs, adult entertainment, flight attendants, or store clerks, there’s a process where you use their services regularly, become a special customer, and eventually become romantic partners or even get married. I would feel uncomfortable with that.
I’m the type who would skip straight to becoming lovers without going through that process—without frequenting the place or having money involved.
This is probably only possible because I’m an unattractive but serious-looking guy, with that being my one redeeming quality. (If I were handsome, women would be wary of me, and I probably couldn’t even exchange contact information with them.) I feel that people haven’t been drawn to me because I’m popular, but because I seem like a safe and comfortable place to be.
It’s strange that things can go so smoothly even with beautiful women who eventually rise to the top of the industry. Of course, when I met them, they were still unknown.
When I’m faced with an ordinary-looking woman, I don’t even have the courage to start a conversation. I imagine she isn’t interested in me, start worrying about what she thinks of me, and lose the courage to face her. But when the woman is beautiful, I feel reassured because I can assume she likes unattractive men, and I’m able to face her and get captivated by her charm. It’s a strange thing.
As you can tell from this post, this kind of development also happens because I’m overly concerned with appearance. That’s why I can understand, painfully well, how unattractive men feel about the looks of ordinary-looking women.
As for the allowance, I don’t necessarily think it’s always a good thing for it to become higher and increase over time. On the contrary, I think it can end up taking that girl’s own life away from her. If she could have carved out a life for herself without relying on an allowance, changing that path makes me wonder: is this really her true life?
At the root of it all, I also don’t find relationships obtained through the power of money particularly appealing.
That said, I’m overwhelmed—and honestly envious as a man—by the financial power and sheer scale of people like Mac, Seattle, and Makeotoko.
I thought the fluctuations in the allowance might simply reflect how much disposable cash he has on hand.
Since the allowance can’t be claimed as a business expense, maybe it depends on whether his personal finances are doing well or not.
That said, if the relationship is continuing, I don’t think things are bad between you two. Why not just let it continue naturally? I think the allowance you receive will probably increase over time. And once his finances improve, I doubt it will decrease again.
If you weren’t someone he considered important, I don’t think he would keep seeing you. The fact that he’s continuing despite some fluctuations probably means you’re one of his favorites.
Maybe you can allow yourself to be treated a little more specially.
So does that mean the allowance can go up as well as down?
I can’t really give advice without knowing that part, but it’s usually a fixed amount. Mine is fixed too.
I can understand it fluctuating if the papa is genuinely falling for her. Maybe he doesn’t want to feel like he’s buying a woman, so he just takes out whatever amount feels right from his wallet depending on his mood. Though that type is probably pretty rare.
Since it’s something you both agree on, make sure to discuss and decide it clearly when you receive the initial offer. If you don’t say anything once, that may become the default arrangement.
Men are often less likely than women to pick up on hints, so many won’t understand unless you tell them directly.
If you really don’t want that, I think you should say, “I’d like an allowance of ___ per pay-per-meeting arrangement, please.”
It may also be better to tell him in person rather than over LINE.
There is a chance he may end things, though—so this only applies if you’re okay with that.
It’s strange—or rather, dishonest—for men to change the allowance amount, but it’s also a little odd that you’re seeing someone without having agreed on an amount in the first place.
As in the adult entertainment industry, the amount might vary depending on what you do or how long you’re together, and they may occasionally add a tip depending on their mood. But you should agree on the allowance rules beforehand. That said, if the minimum amount is already substantial, leaving things as they are may be fine.
As for women they don’t consider particularly important, it’s not so much about being frugal—their scheduling simply becomes a lower priority.
That’s probably part of their particular preferences and kinks, too.
As for the second question, I remember a friend saying, “Products become cheaper when they lose their freshness,” and, “Cars depreciate, too.”
Personally, I feel that compensation for labor should remain consistent rather than depreciate, so I think my perspective is a little different there. Maybe it also depends on the man’s line of work—whether he deals with things or with people.
Speaking from my own experience, I’ve only ever received a fixed allowance. That said, as the relationship deepened, there were times when he sent me money via PayPay even when we hadn’t met, or added extra as a gesture of consideration. But the amount was never reduced.
Looking back, though, there was one time when the allowance was reduced as the relationship was coming to an end, and we naturally parted ways soon afterward. In hindsight, I think that was ultimately a sign that he was planning to cut ties.
So, honestly, I don’t get a very healthy impression from situations where the allowance fluctuates from one meeting to the next. It’s possible that the amount is being adjusted based on what happens or his level of emotional satisfaction, but I feel that a relationship in which the woman has to constantly guess about those things tends to become unstable.
It’s understandable that you might feel, “Maybe he thinks I’m a woman with no value.” But I don’t think you need to blame yourself that much. In fact, a reduction in the amount itself can often be a sign reflecting a change in the other person’s feelings or in the relationship.
As for your second question, someone gradually becoming more focused on cutting costs with a woman they don’t consider especially important can, unfortunately, often be a sign that they’re trying to wind down the relationship. At the very least, I don’t think many people would lower the terms without explanation when it comes to someone they genuinely want to treat well.
If you want to continue the relationship, it might be worth calmly asking him how he decides on the allowance. Rather than continuing to put up with it without asking, confirming the situation and then deciding whether you can accept it may help protect your peace of mind.
A relationship that continues while you’re carrying anxiety will inevitably become painful. Please don’t undervalue yourself, and make sure to take care of yourself.
It’s usually a fixed amount. Maybe that man simply doesn’t have much financial leeway—like, “I’ll pay you when I can.”
As long as it’s not constantly decreasing, there’s nothing wrong with keeping him as one of your options.
P.S.
Mac and Makeo have 11-digit figures, so I’m two digits below them.
I’ve never heard of men like that, so I’m not really sure.
I think the best thing would be to ask him directly.
> Maybe he decides based on how satisfying the encounter was and how emotionally fulfilled he felt.
If that’s what you think, perhaps you feel that his satisfaction or emotional state is different each time. So that may be the reason.
But I’ve never heard anything like that from either men or women.
There really are some unusual men out there.
Allowance is generally agreed on in advance, so if the amount was lower than last time, most people would either ask him about it or decide not to see him again.
