What’s with guys who keep asking to meet up without an adult relationship (intimacy)? What do they think this place is?

Being invited to meet without an adult relationship (intimacy) isn’t necessarily a bad thing, at least in terms of the lower physical risk. If the allowance is comparable to what you’d receive with intimacy—or the terms are otherwise acceptable to you—that can be a perfectly valid arrangement in its own way. That said, I think the source of your feeling that “What does he think this is?” is that the man doesn’t understand the expectations or atmosphere of a dating club. Being repeatedly invited when your expectations don’t align with his can be stressful, right? At this point, I’d like you to ask yourself: “Do I really want to go to that much trouble to meet him?” “Honestly, do I actually want to be intimate with him?” If the answer is no, you don’t need to force yourself to continue seeing him. And if you already feel uncomfortable, there’s a good chance this simply isn’t meant to be. On the other hand, there are certainly women who appreciate an arrangement without intimacy if the terms and time involved feel worthwhile and the conversation and atmosphere are enjoyable. In the end, the issue isn’t “without intimacy” itself. It’s whether: - the terms feel fair to you, and - the man respects your position and your value. You don’t have to ignore your discomfort and go along with it. If you’re not comfortable with it, that’s your answer. P.S. Seattle-san, Thank you for the kind words. Your answer was so brilliant that I couldn’t help but smile. I’ve also resolved to do my best, even while making full use of my teary-eyed expression!

Just the other day, I gave a girl ¥10,000 for a little over two hours of having a hot-pot party together—no intimacy involved. I also have girls who come over to my place just to take a nap. They really do only nap and then leave, but I still give them an allowance. Other people probably won’t understand it, but I don’t care. I want to work. I want to keep climbing higher and higher. The girls are the fuel that keeps me going for work. I simply didn’t invite her because I wasn’t in the mood to. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? Any excuse to give someone money works for me—whether it’s intimacy, hot pot, autumn leaves, cherry blossoms, or night views. The other day, I proposed to one of my monthly arrangements while we were looking at the city lights, and she said yes. We’re not actually getting married, but the view was incredibly beautiful and we were both in a really good mood, so I couldn’t help myself. She was overjoyed, so I gave her a more generous allowance than usual. The reason I do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is as a reward for my work. It’s not about intimacy. I’m happy as long as the stunning young women at the top of the world take a liking to me. I have about five monthly arrangements where the relationship is intimacy-only, but they rank low in my personal hierarchy. At the very top right now are the girl who comes over just to nap, my ace, and another girl I only call when I’m sick. Oh, there’s one more—the girl who acts as my designated driver. For girls I want to see even without intimacy, the allowance is unlimited. But with the girls who are only there for intimacy, I just pay the standard pay-per-meeting allowance for an adult relationship, so they remain low in the rankings. The girls at the very top are the ones with whom I’ve reached a truly special relationship that goes far beyond a relationship between a man and a woman. We’ve overcome all kinds of obstacles together to get here. We’ve hurt each other, I’ve turned some of them down, and some have even cut me off for a while. The time I spend with the girls I’ve reached a bond with stronger than that of lovers—or even married couples—is, without exaggeration, some of the best moments of my life. There really is such a thing as “the other side of papa-katsu.”

If the allowance is generous, isn’t that all that matters? Everyone has their own way of handling these arrangements.

“An adult relationship isn’t necessary, is it? I’m a grandpa, after all.” 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Shinkokyu

Woman: I enjoy spending time with you. I’m happy when you ask me out. Man: Let’s go have drinks at those three places again. Here’s your 10,000-yen allowance. Woman: Thank you. That always makes me happy. At this point, look slightly downward and put on a sad expression. I’m no good, am I? Maybe I’m not attractive enough… Pretend to hold back tears. I enjoy being with you. But since this is the kind of relationship we have, I guess I’m not someone you can have anything more with… Man: No, that’s not what I mean. I was just wondering if you might dislike being with an old man like me. Woman: I don’t judge people by their age. I’ve always thought that having your kindness was enough for me. Please don’t think I’m only after money. It’s just that my ○○ expenses are really difficult to cover, and I don’t have any other offers (lie), so I’m wondering if working in the adult-entertainment industry is my only option… At this point, cry if you can genuinely manage it. If not, turn away. Man: That’s not what I intended. I understand. How much should your allowance be? Woman: I don’t want to stop seeing you, so please decide on an amount that won’t be too hard for you. But if I can’t pay ○○ million yen by next week—an amount just barely within reach of six figures—I may have no choice but to appear in adult videos or work in the adult-entertainment industry… At this point, look sadly toward the upper left. The trick is to fill your eyes with tears, furrow your brows, and smile only with your mouth. Man: All right. Let’s go to a hotel now. Ideally, you should settle the allowance in advance here, but an insensitive old man may drag you along without deciding anything. Take the risk of accepting payment afterward and try your luck with the construction worker. Afterward: If the amount is satisfactory, there’s no problem. If it’s only a small amount short: Go back to pretending to hold back tears. Thank you. You’re so kind, ○○. You’re the kind of person I could almost marry. I’m envious of your wife, and so on. If I don’t have ○○ million yen, I’ll have to leave my home. I’d just end up curled up under the covers, crying without even turning on the heat. Could we meet tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, three days from now, and four days from now? Man: I don’t have the stamina for that. Woman: I’m sorry for asking so much. I’m no good, am I? There’s no point in me being alive anyway. I’m going home. With tearful eyes, slowly try to leave without making eye contact. If he doesn’t stop you, say goodbye in a small voice while briefly looking at him, then leave in tears. If a man still won’t increase your allowance after all that, leave feedback about him when you get home. He was an insensitive, poor old man. He didn’t pay the allowance in advance, had bad breath, wouldn’t use a condom unless I told him to, and was selfish in bed, taking forever and making me feel sick and sore. I feel sorry for the next woman. He always paid only the minimum allowance, made nonstop sexual remarks, and talked about dirty topics or bragged about himself in public, which was embarrassing and distressing. If he has other offers, I think you should warn them in advance that he makes extremely unpleasant remarks so they know what to expect. Rating: 1 If I were pressed with teary eyes, I’d probably raise the allowance to six figures—or offer a seven-figure advance—and in the end, I’d probably lend him 47.2 million yen anyway. P.S. That was quite a lively discussion over such a silly question. Ms. Katase-Mesu also wrote some good things.

Hmm? This isn’t a sex club, so as long as an allowance is properly being paid, I don’t see a particular problem. If no allowance were being paid, then I could understand wondering what they think this place is. But that’s not the case here—Universe does allow arrangements without an adult relationship (intimate), such as Relationship Type A. I’m guessing that if your concern is that the allowance is lower without an adult relationship and you want more, then you and the other person simply have different expectations. In that case, you can just end things with them. Also, some men will pay the same allowance even without an adult relationship. Looking for someone like that could be an option, but they’re extremely rare, so I imagine finding one may be quite difficult.

> What’s with guys who keep asking me out without wanting an adult relationship? They may be a minority, but there are people of both genders who are like that. Conversely, there are also men and women who start with an adult relationship and an allowance. In my case, if it’s a Type B arrangement, I don’t initiate invitations. I think wanting a relationship and wanting an adult relationship are two different things. Some people may see an adult relationship as dating, while others may not consider papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or dating clubs to be dating at all. It’s a world where there are plenty of people—both men and women—who think differently from you. Even in ordinary romance unrelated to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the number of dates before reaching a sexual relationship varies widely, from the first meeting to dozens of dates. Among men, some who are only looking for something casual will go to a hotel after one or two dates—usually on the day they meet—while those who are serious may continue dating as many times as necessary until both sides agree. Personally, if I had no intention of dating a woman seriously, I would go to a hotel on the first day. If I wanted her to become my girlfriend, I would go on quite a few dates first. I think that tendency carries over into dating clubs as well. If I really liked a woman I met through a club, I could continue going on dates with her as many times as necessary. With women I like that much, whether through a club or in the ordinary world, I don’t end the relationship; it continues long-term, even after marriage or engagement. And this isn’t limited to dating clubs. Even in ordinary relationships between men and women, I’ve often felt that being less handsome can actually be an advantage. If you’re average-looking—or even somewhat unattractive—and your only real strength is that you seem serious, average-looking women who care about good looks won’t approach you. But beautiful women whom men give up on as being out of their league may not care as much about appearance, so they may give you a chance. A handsome man might have trouble even choosing among all his options, whereas someone who isn’t handsome is approached by very few people, and only the beautiful women he actually likes will show interest. In that sense, it can be more convenient. Even inviting someone to a hotel on the first day rarely gets you labeled a playboy, so things may go smoothly. You’re less likely to be suspected of seeing two women or just playing around, and people may interpret your actions more favorably. If you’re handsome, though, women may be more cautious and listen to what you say with suspicion, assuming you say the same things to everyone. People’s imaginations tend to run wild. If a handsome man cheats, the woman may be more likely to blame him personally. If he isn’t handsome, however, people may instead assume that the woman was at fault—even when the man was actually the one in the wrong. To Mac: By the way, I don’t fit any of categories ① through ⑤. Of course, I assume the situation described in the question is different from mine. I’m not sure whether I would fall under category ⑥ or something else, but I think people who want to assess adult compatibility first and people who want to build a relationship before moving on to an adult relationship probably have fundamentally different ways of thinking. Even in dating clubs, there are men and women who continue meeting for meals and dates ten or twenty times after moving on to an adult relationship, and only go to a hotel once or a few times when they happen to feel like it. An allowance is involved, but the relationship is not all that different from an ordinary romantic relationship, friendship, or having someone to have fun or talk things over with. The woman also receives an allowance—unlike with friends or colleagues—and can go places she otherwise couldn’t afford to visit with someone her own age. There are relationships where both people try to make time to see each other as often as possible. They may not be common, but there may be a certain number of women who secretly see this kind of relationship as their ideal. There are also men and women who derive deep joy and satisfaction from sex based on that kind of relationship, sense of security, and mutual trust.

I’ve heard things like that from time to time, so I’ve wondered about it too. It seems there are several patterns: ① They simply love drinking and can think of nothing else. They get drunk, so nothing adult happens in the end, and you’re just kept there for hours. ② They work in male-dominated fields like construction and rarely interact with women, so they get carried away just by having a meal together. Besides, they can take care of H at a hostess club or other adult venue—the main thing they want from a club is an ordinary date. ③ Similar to ②, but they’re single men in their 40s or 50s who have remained inexperienced with non-professional women. Since they’ve never tried to win over an amateur, they don’t know how to suggest taking things beyond dinner. ④ They’re older, their sex drive has declined, and they lack confidence. But their fantasies are still alive, so they want to keep chasing women. They have plenty of free time and don’t know what else to spend their money on. ⑤ They’re company presidents looking for something to do. Depending on the industry, presidents can be extremely bored during slow periods. If a first meeting costs 5,000 or 10,000 yen, it’s cheaper than going to a hostess club. You may see this type more often among men who aren’t good with alcohol. Those are the main types of dinner-only men. Can you think of any others? With ②–④, if a woman plays her cards right, she might be able to get them deeply hooked, like the so-called “receiving girls,” and extract an astonishing amount of money. That said, you need to have the kind of personality and upbringing that makes lying come easily, and it also requires real skill and talent. Whether in a good way or a bad way, it’s not something just anyone can do.