You said something along the lines of “even though she’s ordinary,” but isn’t that precisely because she is ordinary?
What do you think? “An ordinary person” would be in the standard class, right?
(“Standard” means average, typical, or conforming to the norm.)
It seems to me that when most men receive a “You seem lovely” message, they either think, “I looked at her profile, but she’s not my type,” or simply don’t look at it in the first place.
> When it comes from a beautiful woman, men may think it’s suspicious, that she’s too pushy despite being attractive and therefore probably a dud, or that she sends the same message to everyone.
Wouldn’t men think it’s suspicious, that she’s too pushy and therefore probably a dud, or that she sends the same message to everyone even if she isn’t beautiful?
I assume you’ve also received “You seem lovely” messages from ordinary people, but did you make them an offer?
Rather than whether she was beautiful, maybe it was more that you received a message that didn’t seem like something she sent to just anyone, so you thought you’d meet her.
I don’t know what the actual message said, so I can only speculate, but perhaps you sent something that really resonated with the other person.
> Every respondent accepts pay-per-meeting arrangements for reverse offers.
Isn’t it fine if that varies? It doesn’t bother me.
That said, when three men and three women, including Marika and Seattle, went out together, I think we decided over dinner that everyone would receive a flat 50,000 yen, for the sake of fairness to the women.
In terms of the kind of women who make reverse offers, I think Megumi would be right up Makeo’s alley. When I first met Makeo, I suggested, “I’ll introduce you to a 20-year-old college student who made me a reverse offer and is currently seeing me. If you like her, please make her an offer. Let’s meet for her first meeting with you, with me present.” Makeo wasn’t very enthusiastic and said, “I’m pretty particular about looks, so I might not be able to meet your expectations.” But after seeing her profile, he jumped at it, saying, “This girl should be fine,” didn’t he?
Megumi is on about the same level as that girl, too. When I took the two of them to a swingers’ bar or somewhere similar, I’d say, “They’re biological sisters. Pretty, aren’t they?” and no one suspected a thing.
> There’s virtually no chance that a gorgeous, highly popular woman would make a reverse offer.
That’s not true, at least based on my experience. Both Megumi and the college student had particular problems, and I think they made reverse offers because they felt I might be able to help them solve those problems. They certainly weren’t short of papas.
Some were anxious because they were virgins, didn’t understand the appeal of intimacy because they had little experience, had never climaxed, or wanted to experience being with multiple partners. Others had started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to escape an affair with a married man but hadn’t yet met a man or had an experience that could help them move on. That last one was Megumi’s situation. She would have been a perfect match for Makeo, haha.
Maybe they sensed that, because I’m somewhat unusual and individualistic, I might be able to do something for them. Who knows.
There are surprisingly few people who make a reverse offer simply because they aren’t getting any offers. That’s just my experience, though.
So in my case, I really do answer questions while putting myself on the line. Reverse offers are basically an extension of the question box.
People like the questioner, who can only think of reverse offers as something made by unpopular women with few papas, don’t understand the true nature or potential of this place. That’s probably why they make posts that are basically just pranks.
Oh, and in Megumi’s case, she was having an affair with a married supervisor who was posted away from home. He treated her like a sex slave, telling her in the middle of the night, “Come over now,” and making her sneak over to his place. Her plan was to somehow escape that downward spiral by making intimacy part of her everyday life—in other words, by being with as many people as possible and diminishing the presence of her affair partner in her mind.
That’s probably why I was making strange calls here like, “Is anyone interested in being with Megumi?”
She successfully broke free from that affair completely, got married, and left papa-katsu behind. I don’t have quite the same momentum I had back then, but there are still things I can do, so feel free to make me a reverse offer anytime if there’s something I can help with.
It would probably be good if more men like me—men who help women grow—became respondents. Everyone says it would be better to have more female respondents, but I’m not particularly interested in female respondents. They don’t have problems they’re trying to solve, do they? Haha.
I like working together with someone to look for a solution to her problems. Along the way, you can develop a kind of shared empathy through the “suspension bridge effect,” explore the depths of intimacy, and satisfy your curiosity. That’s the feeling I enjoy. I’m not just helping people indiscriminately.
I tried to remember and summarize the reasons women I’ve met through reverse offers made them:
① They wanted to lose their virginity but were anxious
← This was the most common. I haven’t counted exactly, but probably more than five and fewer than ten. I gradually figured out what worked, and although it may surprise you, the most effective method was having another girl participate and hold her hand.
② They weren’t virgins but had little experience. At the same time, they were struggling financially and felt they had to try an adult relationship (intimate), since there was a limit to how much allowance they could earn from dinner only (no intimacy). They wanted to find a way to enjoy intimacy.
← She eventually stopped resisting intimacy, but realized she could earn more allowance by stretching things out with dinner only, and became quite an accomplished “receiving girl,” so to speak. Her naturally attractive appearance was a major factor, so it isn’t something just anyone can imitate.
③ They had a strong sex drive and masturbated every day, but had never climaxed with a man. They wanted to experience it.
← I wondered whether I might not be enough, so I took her to a swingers’ bar. She seemed to lose interest right before reaching the point, as if the circuits in her brain weren’t connecting properly. It didn’t work that day, but I figured she simply needed more experience. She lived far away, though, so I don’t know what happened afterward.
④ They wanted to experience being with multiple partners.
← This actually came up more often than you might think. Just recalling them, there were at least two—no, three. It’s not something you can easily experience in everyday life or even through professional services for women. I took them to swingers’ bars or mixed-gender hot springs and arranged things so they could fulfill that desire. They were all in their twenties. One had apparently had that desire ever since high school.
One of the women I’m currently seeing is similar. Whenever a scandal involving a schoolteacher is reported, she seriously says, “I wish I’d met a teacher like that when I was in elementary school. I wonder if there’s some way to match with one. Then everyone could be happy.” The essence of sexual desire is surprisingly similar in men and women.
I haven’t received reverse offers for these yet, but over the course of my papa-katsu experience, there have also been cases where I thought I might be able to help:
⑤ Someone with binge-eating and purging disorder
← I like young, slim-waisted women, and those with binge-eating and purging disorder generally fit that description. I’ve been involved with three such women. One drifted away, but two have either fully recovered or are making good progress. It seems their relationship with their family, especially their mother, often plays a role. Helping them move out of their parents’ home and living with them for a certain period seems to help. Perhaps having someone they can confide in about the bingeing and purging itself is significant.
⑥ Someone being abused
← I think there are quite a few of them among the women in papa-katsu. Most experienced physical or verbal abuse, but one had suffered sexual abuse as well. Again, rescuing them and arranging a place for them to live seems effective. Unlike those with binge-eating and purging disorder, however, they may be starved for affection or have a strong fear of abandonment, so they tend to want to monopolize me as their papa.
During the healing process, there’s also a period when they direct anger and hatred toward me as if I were their actual parent—something perhaps called negative transference. That can turn into quite a situation, and since it’s important to create distance, knowing when to do so is difficult. You also can’t make them feel abandoned.
⑦ Dissociative disorder
← I wrote about this in a column, but women who are commonly described as having “sex addiction” may have been raped in the past or carry other trauma, and repeatedly reenact it. I’ve met two such women, but I’m not sure whether I actually helped them. They both stopped responding partway through.
From a psychiatric perspective, engaging with someone’s reenactment of trauma may be taboo, but my intuition tells me it may not necessarily be that simple. I’d like to find out.
If you fall into categories ⑤, ⑥, or ⑦ and happen to be reading this, please feel free to make me a reverse offer. I’ll face the situation seriously, in my own way.
I understand that, since this is basically a “question box,” all we can do is exchange words. But problems that can be solved that way are things you could find answers to somewhere online by searching. The real appeal of this activity lies in what can’t be handled that way.
That’s what I think, anyway. Or maybe this is a kind of fetish too. I have a tendency to want to pull chestnuts out of the fire.
P.S.
I ended up writing at length, but was this actually about Maezawa’s answer here?
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/18140
That was about “That’s wonderful,” not a “reverse offer,” so please stop misusing the term. It only makes things confusing.
Regardless of reverse offers or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), this tendency is quite common in general.
To add one more point:
The more attractive someone is, whether a beautiful woman or a handsome man, the less likely they are to focus on their partner’s looks. On the other hand, people of average appearance tend to place more importance on their partner’s looks.
Also, many men give up on pursuing exceptionally beautiful women because they assume they have no chance. So, unlike in papa-katsu, beautiful women are often surprisingly approachable in ordinary dating.
That’s why, since I’m just an average-looking—or maybe unattractive—guy, I tend to be particular about women’s looks, whether it’s dating or papa-katsu. In return, I receive a high level of reassurance and trust from the women I meet, both in papa-katsu and in ordinary relationships, and I’ve benefited from those lasting relationships of trust.
As for reverse offers, I’ve continued seeing my favorite partner since back then, so I haven’t had any room for reverse offers, either in the past or now. However, I’m very service-oriented, so if there’s anything I can do to help, I’d be happy to cooperate.
As Mr. Make-Do points out, it’s true that the chances of an incredibly popular, stunningly beautiful woman making a reverse offer are almost nonexistent. So it’s not that I welcome reverse offers—in principle, I decline them—but my attitude has always been, “If there’s anything I can do to help…”
