For those of you—women or men—who are seeing multiple partners, what’s the most people you’ve been involved with at one time?
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Thankfully, I’ve ended up with six regular papas (male supporters), which I’m grateful for, but I’ve started worrying about illnesses and wondering how many partners everyone else has. Is six considered too many? I’m feeling strangely worried and guilty about it...
Papa ① and ②: I see them almost every week
Papa ③, ④, ⑤, and ⑥: I see them about once a month
Four of them have been ongoing for over a year. At one point this past year, I was seeing six people as well, but I’m honestly really scared of illnesses. (I know, if I’m that worried, maybe I shouldn’t be doing this in the first place.) I was getting tested every month, and I’ve continued doing so.
Also, when meeting someone for the first time, I casually bring up those kinds of topics to get a sense of whether they’re safe or not—though of course, nothing is 100%—and I’ve taken as many precautions as possible.
I genuinely like different things about all six of them, and they’re all people I enjoy spending time with, so I’d like to continue these relationships. I’d love to hear how many partners everyone else is seeing and what those arrangements are like.
Sorry this is so rambling...
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Before COVID, I had regulars in the cities I traveled to for work—Sapporo, Nagoya, Osaka, and Fukuoka—and around three or four, plus another two or so, in my home base of Tokyo whom I’d see occasionally. At my peak, I had about ten people.
Things have settled down now and I travel less, so I have around three or four regulars in Tokyo.
I do feel like STIs have become easier to catch. Besides the usual sex-work venues, it’s probably because of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), dating apps, and all the casual hookups—basically, more opportunities overall, lol.
It’s your own responsibility, but I recommend looking into medication. Search online for “Doxy-PEP.” If you take an antibiotic called Vibramycin within 72 hours afterward, it can prevent over 70% of chlamydia and syphilis cases, and over 50% of gonorrhea cases (it’s self-pay treatment in Japan). Since I started taking it, I haven’t caught anything. I get it prescribed by a doctor friend.
Afterward, shower and wash with soap as soon as possible, and don’t forget to pee. Make sure to flush out any bacteria.
Apparently, there’s also a preventive method for HIV called PrEP. It’s still expensive, so I haven’t tried it yet, but I might if it becomes a little more affordable.
Having reliable regulars is fun, isn’t it? The ones who stick around usually have great personalities and are good in bed too. But sometimes I get bored and end up completely replacing my regulars, lol.
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Three partners is the ideal number for me.
I also recommend seeing multiple people to women, since it reduces the risk of things suddenly ending with one person.
That said, please don’t go without protection.
If a woman tells me it’s okay to do so, I end things with her immediately.
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My ideal pace would be to see someone once a week, so four people would be perfect. I currently have six, though. Thankfully, some of them are fine with meeting only once every two months, so it somehow works out.
I think I had more than ten at my peak… But I’m moving into a new age bracket soon, so lately I’ve been thinking it’s time to narrow things down and settle into something more manageable, haha.
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Four times a month with two people plus once a month with four others comes to 12 dates a month—that’s basically a career in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
If you think of it as nightlife work, having six regulars doesn’t seem unusual.
Ideally, I’d have one adult relationship (intimate) date a week and one date a week without intimacy, filling eight monthly slots with three to six people.
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I think that’s perfectly fine.
I’m sure plenty of men are seeing multiple women as well. If you can manage arrangements with six people at once, you must be popular and have a good sense for this.
Just keep taking precautions going forward.
I have four people I see frequently, and the rest are irregular. I always keep around ten connections going. Some naturally fade out, while others are new encounters—or I cut them off immediately because they’re too much trouble. One way or another, the lineup changes every month.
Hope that helps.
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I think my maximum was around 12 or 13.
These days, I’m having so much fun with work that my motivation for papa-katsu has really dropped, so I probably have about six monthly arrangements.
Including the irregular ones, it comes to around 10 people.
For the record, three of them are NN.
The number of papas you have and how often you see them sounds pretty ideal to me. There’s no completely foolproof way to avoid STIs, but would it be naïve to think you could manage fairly well by not doing NN, like I do?
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In my case, I limit it to one person only.
After all, this is an activity where health risks are closely intertwined.
The woman I’m seeing also limits herself to just one man. Since we started seeing each other, we’ve met twice a month, paid cash each time, while keeping the total monthly amount consistent.
Thankfully, it’s been eight years now, and we’ve both stayed healthy while enjoying the arrangement.
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If you catch something from one person, you could lose the trust of six others.
Ask them to get tested regularly, and cut ties with anyone who won’t. Eventually, it’s best to narrow it down to three promising people.
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