I recently started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and a man told me that the cheaper it is, the happier he’d be. I was hoping to receive ¥50,000–¥60,000, but he tried to negotiate it down. He also said he’d like me to lower the allowance once we became closer and that he’d like to travel together.

I believe the allowance isn’t something the other person gets to decide—it should reflect how much responsibility and burden you’re willing to take on. Being haggled down happens when you leave your value in someone else’s hands, so I think it’s important to stick to your standards from the very beginning. “Let’s lower it once we get closer” may sound sweet at first, but in reality, the opposite is true: the closer you become, the greater the woman’s burden. As the relationship deepens, it requires more consideration, time, and effort to manage, so there’s no reason for the allowance to go down. The same applies to trips. Travel, time commitment, preparation, and the physical and emotional burden are all greater than those of an everyday date. If anything, that’s a reason to raise the allowance, not lower it. Talking about the allowance at the first meeting isn’t rude at all. If anything, I think it’s the honest thing to do. Most “this isn’t what I expected” situations happen when things are left vague. It may feel intimidating to be upfront, but setting clear boundaries from the start will ultimately help the relationship continue peacefully for longer. There are a certain number of men who try to turn what should be a support-based relationship into make-believe romance or “free emotional comfort.” But that isn’t papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—it’s simply a relationship that benefits them. If you’re clear that money is your goal, there’s no need to feel ashamed or hide it. As long as you don’t waver on that point, the quality of the people you meet will naturally change as well. Papa-katsu isn’t about competing on price. It’s a place where you decide your own value. Rather than matching the other person’s pace, try making the level at which you can continue comfortably your 기준. I believe whether you’ll be treated with respect is largely determined by that very first step. Please don’t push yourself, and take good care of yourself as you go about it.(^^)

Well, women generally want to put in as little effort as possible while receiving a generous allowance, whereas men want a high-quality arrangement at a low cost. Men expect various things because they’re paying, while women want to keep the burden light and casual. If a woman focuses too much on money, men lose interest. That said, the beginning is crucial. You need to clearly communicate your terms, because once you agree to something, it becomes the default. For example, if you’re attractive and receiving plenty of offers, you could put effort into sex but avoid overdoing the messaging and keep some distance—basically, leave one final wall in place. Never share your personal information. I think each woman has her own approach. If someone gets few offers, she may need to stand out by acting genuinely romantically interested, or she’ll lose out to other women. As for the allowance, decide how much you want and turn down anything below that. If you continue papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) while feeling that you won’t receive the amount you want, it’ll only cause stress. Personally, I don’t think you should keep doing it if it makes you uncomfortable. However, if the amount you want is vastly different from what several papas actually offer, it may be that your value isn’t quite as high compared with other women in papa-katsu, so you may need to reassess. For trips, either discuss the allowance beforehand or say you can’t go because you have other plans. If he’s the type to haggle, he’ll probably say, “I’ll cover all the travel expenses, but there won’t be any allowance.” Until a better offer comes along, it’s fine to keep him as a tentative option. If a better offer comes up, I think it’s perfectly fine to end things with him.

① First, I offer an amount for a basic date. There are generally two options: a date involving an adult relationship (intimate), or one without. I also take the woman’s preferences into account. ② After meeting about three times, you can start considering various types of dates, so we renegotiate the date details and allowance—for example, in the case of a day trip. (I don’t do overnight trips.) ③ You’re a member of a dating club, right? Apart from the allowance, isn’t there supposed to be some element of actually getting to know each other? If it’s 100% about the money, then do your best with the acting.

I’m not completely inflexible, but basically, I consider the allowance to be fixed. I bring it up on the first date, and I’ve never later asked to reduce the agreed-upon allowance. If she brings up the allowance for a trip at the first meeting, I assume money is her main priority and decide not to see her a second time. I occasionally see profiles on sites like PATOLO saying things like, “For an adult relationship, it’s 50,000 yen per hour.” If I saw that, I definitely wouldn’t make an offer. Even when we’re in an adult relationship, if she gradually starts wanting to go home earlier and earlier, I take it as a sign that it’s time to part ways. As you said, it’s a relationship based on support, but if it starts to feel like she’s treating it as a side job paid by the hour, I feel like that’s not quite the same thing.

> He told me that the cheaper it is for him, the happier he is. It would help if you could explain a little more about how the conversation ended up going that way. For example, if you asked him something like, “About how much allowance were you thinking?” then I think that may have been the mistake. You may have read it online, but I think that kind of approach belongs more to the world of dating apps. Basically, I think there are only two ways to handle it (speaking generally): 1. State your own preference: “I’d like an allowance of 5.” 2. Leave it up to the other person: “I’ll leave the allowance up to you.” Those are the two main options, I think. Both involve a certain amount of risky guesswork, so you should adapt them depending on the situation. But if you’re prepared for the possible downsides, I think using one of these approaches can increase your chances of meeting a good man. > ① How does everyone decide on the allowance? If you’re hoping for 5–6, I think it’s fine to say so. Another option is to adjust it according to what the other person wants. Basing it on the going rate isn’t necessarily reliable, since that only tells you what other people receive. > ② At the first meeting, should I say something like, “If we go on a trip, I’d like to receive this amount”? (I feel awkward bringing up the allowance after we’ve gotten close and started talking about traveling.) It’s actually the opposite. You shouldn’t bring it up right away. It’s better to think about it after he specifically invites you. At this stage, the idea of traveling together isn’t concrete yet. Also, I generally think it’s better not to travel together. If you do go, you’ll probably regret it unless it’s something you would want to do even without receiving an allowance (although you’ll obviously still accept one). > ③ I started this for the money, but some men seem to misunderstand and think I’m looking for a relationship. I’m confused—aren’t these relationships supposed to be based on support? Many men are willing to provide support, but while you’re together, they often want things to feel more like a romantic relationship. So I think it’s better to meet them halfway by showing that you enjoy spending time together and would like to see them again. Once they start liking you too, they may naturally want to give you gifts even without increasing your allowance. If things progress further, your allowance might increase as well. Just because your goal is money doesn’t mean you have to make that the focus of the relationship.

Just cut ties with such a stingy older guy. For trips, you should agree on an allowance—ideally twice the usual amount. It’s best to book two separate rooms. Since the arrangement is allowance-based, read the Ririchan Manual and pretend it’s romantic; you can double your allowance that way. The idea of haggling it down is absolutely out of the question.

I felt this question raised several points that both male and female members should think about, so, if I may be so bold, I’ll answer as Joe—the guy who recently parted ways with an F-cup, hairless girl who enjoyed going all the way and standing positions. There are, of course, exceptions, but when it comes to allowances, men and women have fundamentally opposing interests. Men generally want to pay less, while women want more. Men prioritize the encounter itself, while women prioritize the allowance. Finding a way to bridge that gap is essential. Of course, you’re looking for the allowance, not the encounter. That’s not unusual, and I’m not criticizing you for it. However, rather than dismissing older men’s desire for an exciting, thrilling encounter, try to understand it first. You don’t have to accept it. Once you do, use their fantasies to your advantage. Older guys can be stingy, but they’re also very concerned about appearances. It’s important to create an atmosphere where asking to lower the allowance would feel terribly uncool and embarrassing. And then there’s travel. Don’t say yes too readily. Why? Because when older guys suggest a trip, they often leave the allowance issue until the very end—or fail to consider it at all. That’s based on Joe’s research. So whenever you’re invited on a trip, be sure to ask about the allowance. Personally, I think it’s fine to bring it up when they make the suggestion, though you could also make your position clear before things get more concrete. Finally, a request to the questioner and all the women out there: Please don’t go on a trip solely for the allowance. If older guys realize that’s your only motivation, they won’t be able to perform. There are plenty of things to consider, like snoring and how many times you’ll be expected to take the rear-entry position, but please show them just a little extra consideration and ask for an allowance with only a modest increase. Of course, if you notice an older guy trying to haggle even a little, you have my permission to punch him. Joe fully approves. And, speaking on behalf of the women, I’ll say this to any older guy trying to negotiate: “Hey, you bald old geezer—what kind of life have you lived that you think it’s okay to haggle over money after a man has already named his price? Can a man take back what he’s already offered? But hey, Mari-chan’s angry right now, so go apologize while clutching an Eiichi bill. She’ll forgive you just this once. Just make sure she can clearly see the money in your hand.”