I recently met a man who said his previous arrangement had ended. Apparently, the woman had broken things off because she decided to start seeing someone else.
With me, we agreed on a monthly arrangement at the minimum allowance rather than a generous amount. However, from the very first meeting, he asked for two rounds, which honestly caught me off guard. I agreed to that amount assuming it would be for one round only. Since I’ve never been asked for multiple rounds before, I realize I should have clarified the terms more carefully.
If he expects multiple rounds every time, I don’t think I can continue seeing him for that amount. In that case, would it be better to meet a few more times and ask for a higher allowance if he continues to expect multiple rounds each time? Or should I bring it up at our next meeting before finding out whether he wants multiple rounds?
I was surprised because I assumed he would have said so upfront if he wanted multiple rounds… lol.
The relationship established at the first meeting is everything, so I think asking for a higher allowance would be difficult.
That said, try negotiating for an increase with the understanding that it’s okay if they decide to drop you.
I hate to make this about me, but due to personal circumstances on the women’s side, I haven’t been able to be intimate with either of my two top monthly partners for a while. Still, I can’t lower their allowance, so I’ve continued paying them monthly.
There’s simply no way I could negotiate a reduction.
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I don’t view an adult relationship as being solely about finishing, but in your case, does it count as zero times if he didn’t finish?
If so, does that mean you shouldn’t receive any allowance?
Surely not.
If he wanted to do it twice, that means he found you attractive—why not take it as a compliment?
Women who are too money-focused tend to be disliked, lol.
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The fact that she added “lol” at the end makes me wonder whether this isn’t a genuine question, but rather that she had some other motive—like simply posting it because she wanted attention.
Wanting to change the amount depending on the number of times is just too blunt, and I don’t think she’s very well suited to an escort dating club.
On dating apps, you can discuss the terms in detail before meeting, so I think she’d be better off using one of those.
With escort dating clubs, while an allowance is generally a given, I get the impression that many people are looking for a relationship that feels more like being a couple while they’re together.
In that sense, I think most men probably wouldn’t be very fond of a woman who brings up changing the amount based on the number of times.
> Which would be better?
I think it would be more straightforward to negotiate the terms before meeting again, and if it seems impossible, simply decide not to meet anymore.
If someone told you after meeting that they wanted to lower today’s allowance, wouldn’t you feel like they should have said so beforehand?
If you’re willing to accept her terms, then discussing it when you meet would be fine. But if it starts to feel like negotiating various options, she may come across as a professional, which would leave a bad impression.
If you’re going to negotiate, I think it’s better to limit the discussion to the allowance amount alone—even though, ideally, you shouldn’t negotiate after the first meeting either. At that point, you should also take multiple times into account and settle on an allowance amount that you yourself would be satisfied with.
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Hmm...
I also felt that it was more like work—or something you were doing reluctantly—than dating.
I think a relationship should be enjoyable and meaningful for both people, otherwise what’s the point? So if you’re uncomfortable with it, maybe it would be better to turn it down.
You shouldn’t force yourself in a relationship.
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It all feels like a very sex-work-oriented way of thinking and talking…
And when it comes to hourly or per-encounter arrangements, that impression becomes even stronger…
You’ll have an easier time if you date someone you genuinely want to be with—someone you feel drawn to, are compatible with, and desire either physically or emotionally.
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There have been quite a few questions about this issue.
Which would you prefer: one meeting lasting two hours, or three meetings lasting 15 minutes each?
I think part of the fun of dating is figuring out these expectations together. But if you’re treating it as 100% work, then you might as well just state your terms upfront.
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You shouldn’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) if it means putting yourself through an unpleasant experience.
The whole point is that women can choose too, and both sides can agree on the terms of the arrangement.
So before meeting him again, you could simply say, “If we’re going to do it twice next time, I’d like ___ as the allowance.”
People have different ways of thinking. The questioner’s common sense isn’t everyone’s common sense.
Even Fuu has been surprised by men who act completely passive despite receiving an allowance: “Seriously? He’s this unresponsive?”
Thinking, “Being that passive is unacceptable,” won’t change anything. That’s just Fuu’s personal opinion, and everyone has different views.
In cases like that, Fuu simply gives up and chooses not to meet him again.
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