Sometimes, once we’ve gotten close, I forget about the allowance. I used to give it to her after everything was over, before leaving the hotel. But lately she’s been getting ready so quickly—she’ll have her bag in hand and be ready to leave right away. A few times, I’ve had to stop her as she was putting on her shoes to give it to her. I started wondering if maybe she didn’t need it, so once I didn’t give it to her, and she seemed perfectly fine with it. I thought, “Wow, maybe this has become an arrangement with no allowance,” but around the third time, she messaged me saying something like, “I’d be happy if I could receive it.” (laughs)
Part of me would be happy if we could have a relationship without an allowance. Of course, I understand that’s not really how this works. I also understand the logic that even if it did happen, I’d need to be able to take responsibility for it, and that money should probably be used to draw a clear line between us. Still, I’m drawn to a relationship without an allowance because it would clearly prove that she was seeing me for me, not for the money. Saving money is certainly a factor, but I think it’s more about how I feel.
When I first started using a dating club, I met a woman I really clicked with. After seeing each other a few times, we had some deep conversations, which eventually led to a second adult relationship (intimate). When I tried to give her the allowance before we left, she approached me smiling with both hands behind her back and kissed me. That experience has somehow stuck in my mind as a kind of success story, even though a miracle like that will never happen again.
So when things start to feel like they might be heading in that direction but then turn out not to be, I do feel a little disappointed, and sometimes I get the urge to make a slightly sarcastic comment. But in that case, I think it’s best just to let it go.
With the woman who later messaged me, I realized fairly early on that we couldn’t have the kind of relationship I wanted. I’d get frustrated and say things better left unsaid, she’d become upset, and I’d apologize—we went through that cycle several times. I thought we should part ways since things weren’t going to turn out the way I hoped, but I still wanted to be with her. So, understanding that we’d never reach the level of closeness I wanted, we spent years trying to figure out how to get as close as possible. Looking back, I think we had a fairly good relationship in the latter half.
Everyone is different, so your situation may not be the same. But allowance-related issues can be tied up with all kinds of emotions, so even if there are some messy problems, I think things may work out better if you keep the bigger picture in mind and let the small stuff slide for the time being. Of course, that assumes you don’t compromise on your requirements as a woman. And if there are too many complications and it becomes too much trouble, you can always cut things off—but maybe give him until three strikes first.
Taro
He sounds like a difficult papa.
Why not end things and find another papa (a male supporter)? The allowance is yours to use as you please, isn’t it?
You don’t need to be so hesitant or overly deferential. Just tell him plainly that you haven’t received it. If he responds with snide remarks, wouldn’t it be best to end things?
Haha! That would definitely make you want to vent a little.
Having only one papa (a male supporter) makes it even more frustrating. Once you have several, you’ll probably be able to brush off those feelings more easily, lol.
