When starting an arrangement, do you usually exchange your real names right from the beginning?
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I run a private clinic with a website, so searching my name would reveal where I work—and my wife also works there. Until we’ve met a few times and I know I can trust someone, I feel it would be better for both of us to remain anonymous. How do others handle this?
I don’t share mine, and I don’t ask the other person for theirs either.
I ask what they’d like me to call them and tell them what I’d like to be called—mine is part of my real name. I can’t think of any particular benefit to exchanging real names, but I can think of the drawbacks, or rather the risks. So unless there’s a specific need, I don’t think I’ll share mine in the future either.
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I give them my real surname. It’s a very common one, and it avoids confusion when making reservations or meeting up.
Other than that, when arranging the meeting place and time, I only mention general details, like the area where my workplace or home is located.
To protect myself in case anything goes wrong with the other person—and because nothing good can come from people finding out I do this—I make sure not to reveal any personal information.
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At first, we keep things anonymous.
I don’t ask the women for that information myself.
But their real names usually end up being revealed through the restaurant reservation. We don’t share our jobs or addresses, so in most cases, the only thing we find out is each other’s real name.
There’s only one person I ended up deciding to work with. I gave her my business card, and she gave me her résumé. With the other women, we only have a vague idea of each other’s work, approximate workplace, and general area where we live.
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I keep my identity private unless there’s a need to disclose it. I don’t ask women about theirs, either.
That said, some women introduce themselves or give me their business cards, so I do the same when they do.
In other words, it depends on the other person.
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If it were me, I’d use my real name from the start. (I guess that’s because my only redeeming qualities are looking serious and gentle—I’m not exactly handsome…)
If I had a website, I’d probably have them look at it from the beginning, too. That’s how it usually goes from the very first day. It helps put the other person at ease, while also keeping me accountable.
That said, I’d only do this if I liked them and genuinely wanted to pursue a proper relationship.
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Unless we have an exceptionally trusting relationship, I don’t share any personal information, and I never ask the other person for theirs either. We’ve continued seeing each other for years without either of us knowing the other’s personal details.
I’m still traumatized by the hassle I went through when one woman showed up at my workplace.
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