Married men are in their current state because their spouses have supported, cared for, and helped maintain them. Some say they’re on the verge of divorce, but that could be a lie. I think they probably love their wives—including the results of everything their spouses have done for them.
Even if you got married, would you be able to support and maintain him yourself? If he’s older, could you care for him, including helping with his personal needs? It’s like moving from being the consumer to being the producer and provider.
And once you’re married, you’ll start worrying that your husband might be seeing women involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). If he speaks badly about his current wife, then one day, you may be the one he speaks badly about.
Still, no matter how logically you argue it, love and dislike aren’t matters of logic.
The allowance is serving as a way to maintain a certain distance. Why not try telling him, “I don’t need an allowance—I just want to see you”?
Many men would probably be happy to hear that, but then pull away after thinking about where things might lead, and eventually stop seeing you. If there’s an allowance involved, though, he might be willing to keep seeing you.
Speaking from a man’s perspective, if I didn’t like her that much, I’d find it a hassle. I wouldn’t feel inclined to go along with it, and I’d feel bad about stringing her along, so I’d probably stop seeing her.
I’ve also kept seeing someone for a while without really getting anywhere, but in the end, I just didn’t have anything in me to give her, no matter how much she wanted from me. Once I realized that, I started to lose interest. I found myself observing her words and actions objectively. At first, I found that kind of discovery interesting, but I also thought, “There’s no future in this anyway, so it’s just a waste of time.” So I decided to cut things off cleanly.
If I really like someone, I get completely sucked in. It hasn’t happened recently, but in the past I went very, very deep. Even when I knew there was no future and that I shouldn’t go any further, I couldn’t stop myself. I’ve even had women tell me things with tears in their eyes. We would keep having endless arguments with no answer—conversations that weren’t even enjoyable—but the fact that she kept engaging in them was, more than anything, proof of her affection. At the same time, it became an endless loop because I couldn’t stop having those conversations either.
Some people say you shouldn’t get too involved because it will only lead to trouble. Rationally speaking, they’re absolutely right. But when you’re actually faced with the situation, it’s not that simple. Things did get pretty difficult as a result, but I’m still here, doing my best with a smile and a bit of silliness. And if I met someone similar again, I know I’d go for it without hesitation.
So, that’s about how I feel. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone else, though—do it at your own risk（笑）
Taro
Sorry if I’m mistaken, but could it be that you want him even more because he belongs to someone else?
It’s better to think of it as just papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
If you truly want him and feel you might destroy your papa’s family, you should walk away.
I believe the allowance also includes payment for keeping quiet.
