Since last year, I’d been telling her that I wanted to go to Kyoto during this year’s summer vacation. But then a family trip to Kyoto was suddenly planned, so I suggested going somewhere else instead.
She started crying and said, “I’ve been looking forward to Kyoto because you’ve been saying it for a whole year. If that’s the case, I don’t want to go anywhere. I’ll spend the time by myself.”
So I said, “Then let’s go to Kyoto,” but she replied, “I don’t want something that feels like secondhand leftovers. You’ll be tired if you travel with me the day after your family trip, so let’s cancel this trip.”
The next day, I asked, “Have you changed your mind?” She replied, “Even if we tried to book a hotel now, everywhere would be fully booked.” I texted back, “There were plenty of hotels available!” but she left me on read.
Does she no longer want to go on the trip?
What can I do to make her feel better?
I’m also wondering whether it has something to do with my family trip overlapping with her birthday, meaning I won’t be able to celebrate it with her in person.
Isn’t the fundamental issue that the apology itself is missing?
Also, if you apologize just because you want them to stop being upset or to forgive you, they’ll see right through it.
An apology is something you offer voluntarily because you believe you did something wrong—it’s not a tool for getting forgiven. A lot of people misunderstand this.
With that in mind, start by apologizing. If possible, adding how you feel would probably make it even more effective.
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Being able to get genuinely angry with each other and express it honestly may actually be a sign that you have a good relationship.
It could also be seen as a sign of security and trust—she feels confident that you won’t cut her off.
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), people often go out of their way to avoid upsetting each other, so they tend not to get angry or express what they really think. In that sense, this may be a healthy relationship.
If you do have a good relationship, you can take it as a sign that you’re building enough trust for her to feel safe expressing all her emotions, including anger. Just listen to what she has to say and wait for a solution to present itself.
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I wonder what goes through the mind of someone who asks a third party how to appease someone else.
Did you really think that simply following the instructions you got here would magically put her in a better mood?
Do you see the woman you’re seeing as some kind of fleshlight with a switch?
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/16861
Much like the man from Hokkaido in this question, I also find it baffling that someone would think, “Since I’m going to XX on a family trip, let’s go somewhere else instead.”
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Is it really normal to talk to your PJ about your family?
She should’ve just gone to Kyoto with her PJ from the start instead of telling him about the family trip.
Wouldn’t you get irritated if she told you, “I’m going to Kyoto with my main boyfriend, so I’d rather go somewhere else with you”?
Even if you know where you stand, nobody likes being treated as second best, right?
Maybe try cheering him up with a gift or something. I think it’s best not to bring up the trip until he’s had some time to cool down.
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