I told a papa (a male supporter) I’ve been close to for over two years, seeing him every week, that I was four years younger than I really am. But something has happened, and I may have to tell him my real age.
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Of course, I was afraid he might prefer someone younger. I also lied because I was worried about being identified and wanted to make up for my lack of life experience.
I’m torn between saying nothing and ending things while we still have good memories, or being honest because we’re very compatible and I don’t want to break things off. He also only recently found out that I had lied about my real name.
We met through an app, not here.
I’d really appreciate everyone’s opinions… Any advice would be welcome.
Names used for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) on apps and the like are more like stage names, club names, or aliases, so I don’t assume the registered name is their real one.
But if she lied using her real name, I assume she gave him a fake legal name separate from her app username, and that lie was later exposed.
As for her age, unless it was an app or club that requires identity documents, the age listed is about as unreliable as a celebrity’s profile. Why not just laugh it off and say, “I was fudging my age”?
That said, if she claimed to be four years younger on an app that should have verified her age with identity documents, it honestly sounds criminal—and that’s scary.
Rather than making things worse, wouldn’t it be better to block him on LINE and cut things off without saying anything?
If it’s an ordinary name, he won’t be able to track you down.
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Why do you have to share your real name and age? I don’t understand.
For women especially, sharing as little personal information as possible helps reduce the risks of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so wouldn’t it be better to stop sharing that information?
Or, if you’ve already given a fake name and the relationship didn’t end, wouldn’t it be fine to tell him your age too?
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On these apps, it’s normal to use a fake name, date of birth, and address—that’s called your “default settings.”
As you get to know someone, you can change those settings or keep things as they are. There’s nothing to worry about.
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In situations like that, don’t tell the lies you really want to keep hidden. Instead, honestly confess to a few other lies and say, “That’s everything I’ve lied about.”
Most people will say something like, “Thanks for being honest with me.”
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Your real name and age aren’t particularly important.
They’re not things you need to remember anyway—you only use them when necessary, so there’s no need to worry about them.
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I think you might as well be honest with him.
- Whether it’s an app or a dating club, people generally tell plenty of lies at first, so don’t worry about it. Admitting a lie is actually proof that your relationship has grown closer.
- If he’s already caught you lying about your name, he probably assumes there may be other things too.
- Once a relationship has lasted a while, how old you look and how mature you are matter more than your actual age, so I don’t think finding out your real age now will make much difference.
By the way, one of Fujiko Mine’s famous quotes from *Lupin the Third* supposedly goes, “If you take away a girl’s lies, there’s nothing left.”
Use it if you get the chance.
Taro
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