I can’t bring myself to face my papa (boyfriend?). If you were in his position, would you break things off if your mistress was self-harming?
I’m sorry, but I’m not a Universe Club member—I’m a 27-year-old hostess. I didn’t know where else to ask, so I’m posting here.
He’s in his late 40s, and we met at the club where I work. We’ve known each other for three years and have been together for about two.
Although this is technically a monthly arrangement, neither of us sees it as papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). We’re in a relationship where we both consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
He has told me, “I’m married and have children, and I can’t get divorced, but I’m not dating you just for fun. I’m with you because I love you. If you had my child, I’d let you have it and acknowledge the child as mine. But you’re still in your 20s, and it’s too soon for you to make that choice. For now, I want you to become healthy, both mentally and physically, and I want to cherish the time we spend together.”
He knows that I developed severe depression about a year ago and was hospitalized once, and that I’m dependent on sleeping pills and alcohol. That’s why he told me that we should work on things little by little, and he has continued to check on my condition ever since.
Recently, though, I became unable to accept myself and started to truly hate who I am. I ended up venting those unbearable feelings by cutting myself.
One of the reasons I did it was the emptiness I feel because he’s married and there are certain ways I have to step aside for his family.
He’s perceptive, so I think he’ll realize that he was partly involved in the reason I cut myself.
However, I don’t want him to feel responsible, so I’m thinking of denying that part.
The scars will remain, so I don’t think I’ll be able to hide them.
I don’t know what relationships between men and women are usually like through Universe Club, but if a man’s mistress ended up like this, would he eventually fade out and distance himself?
I still regret what I did. I just want to disappear—along with this worthless existence of mine.
That must have been really hard. Thank you for sharing those feelings here.
But please don’t say that you have no value. Even if you don’t remember it, mothers receive countless rewards along the journey of raising their children.
At least, that’s how I feel.
And your current partner clearly cares about you and is seriously thinking about your future together.
First, be grateful that you found each other, and work on getting your life back on track so you can move on to the next step.
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I’m also the kind of person who tends to sink into despair and struggle mentally.
So let me put it bluntly:
“It looks fun.”
That’s really all there is to it.
They’re completely immersed in their own world, pulling others into it, wanting to make people worry, wanting to feel needed.
My understanding is that even the despair and wrist-cutting are a form of entertainment to them—not necessarily something all that bad.
I think they’re just hooked on that kind of entertainment right now. But in five or ten years, they’ll get properly bored of it, so don’t worry. For now, just enjoy the present.
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The low self-esteem that makes you feel he won’t marry you and that he’s too good for you is what’s led to both self-harm and this boyfriend, isn’t it?
Don’t push someone with low self-esteem too hard. He probably enjoys taking advantage of people like that, so I’m sure he’ll coddle you.
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First of all, nobody is inherently a person of value. Even if humanity went extinct, the Earth would keep turning and other forms of life would flourish. Since we’re here anyway, why worry about our worth? We might as well live however we want.
As for him saying, “I’m married with children and can’t get divorced, but I’m not seeing you just for fun,” if his marriage has broken down and there’s a possibility of establishing a common-law relationship with you, then you have no reason to step away at all.
However, if you realistically can’t become common-law partners—and being together would constitute adultery—then no matter what he says, the relationship is effectively no different from something casual. You should end this arrangement, which only benefits him, and look for someone who can offer you a relationship that isn’t just for fun.
Personally, I joined this club in the first place to find someone I could see casually (and I assume women aren’t looking for anyone to fall seriously in love with them either), so I would never say something like, “I’m not seeing you just for fun.” Even so, if I found myself in this situation, I would keep supporting her until she found someone else, while gradually creating some distance.
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>Although this is a monthly arrangement, we don’t see it as papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). We’re together because we consider ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend.
As long as money is involved, it’s not a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship—it’s unquestionably papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
>“I’m married with children, and I can’t get divorced, but I’m not seeing you just for fun. I’m with you because I love you. If you had my child, I’d be willing to have you give birth and acknowledge the child as mine. But you’re still in your twenties, and it’s too soon for you to make that choice. For now, I want you to become healthy both physically and mentally, and I want to cherish the time we spend together.”
Since he has no intention of getting divorced, this relationship is just a casual, convenient arrangement for him.
>If the mistress he’s seeing ended up in a situation like this, would he eventually fade out on his own?
He probably would fade out.
Rather than waiting to see what your papa does after seeing your self-harm, wouldn’t it be better for you to distance yourself from him?
>I still regret what I did. I want to disappear along with my worthless existence.
From Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric’s famous words: “Stand up and walk. Keep moving forward. Don’t you have two perfectly good legs?”
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