There’s a woman I’ve been meeting for meals and shopping for about two years.
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She was getting a lot of offers, so she left the service after about two months. However, she told me she had only ever been intimate with boyfriends and felt uncomfortable with an adult relationship (intimate), so I told her there was no need to rush and that we could take things gradually.
At first, I gave her an allowance of ¥10,000 for meals, but she said other men were giving her ¥50,000 and that she wanted to choose one person rather than see multiple men, so I started giving her the same amount.
After about six months, we went to a hotel once, but she said she still hadn’t sorted out her feelings, so we stopped at kissing. I tried discussing it with her several times afterward, but she continued to say she wasn’t ready.
As we spent more time together, I became emotionally attached and started wanting to take things further. I switched to a monthly arrangement—meeting three or four times a month and paying ¥300,000—but there was still no real progress. It also became difficult to keep bringing it up, so in March I told her I wanted to end things, and we did.
About a week later, she told me she couldn’t make any promises but would gradually consider it, so we started seeing each other again.
It’s now been another two or three months, but there’s still no progress. Since most of the time I was seeing her simply as a person I enjoyed spending time with, I’m no longer in a position to pressure her.
Sorry for the long story, but from a woman’s perspective, does it really take two years to sort out your feelings?
And from the men here, what would you do in this situation?
Thank you.
Lol, she’s a dinner-only girl. You’re being completely taken advantage of.
If things still aren’t working out by the third meeting, you should end it and move on—there are so many other women registered, aren’t there?
At the very least, you need to break things off and include sex as a condition for getting back together.
I feel sorry for you. Send out lots of new offers, and I hope you meet a good woman.
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It doesn’t need to take two years.
You should have ended things when the allowance became 50,000 yen—or at the latest, when things stopped at kissing.
If not, then I feel it would be better, or even essential, to continue seeing each other without kissing.
Are you going to keep seeking and focusing on an adult relationship (intimate), or would you be satisfied with something as simple as holding hands?
I recommend understanding what the other person wants and meeting them when you feel fulfilled yourself.
If you meet them feeling satisfied, their response and enjoyment may be different, and things might change again.
Being so focused on having an adult relationship (intimate)—while visibly feeling disappointed—will only work against you…
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If you’re not looking for an adult relationship (intimate), I think you can keep things as they are.
After two years of dinner dates, I wouldn’t suddenly want to become intimate either.
The value of dating someone like that is precisely that it isn’t intimate.
The other person probably feels the same way.
If you want an adult relationship (intimate), find someone else.
— It’s me
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You’re trying to play it cool, but in the end, you just want to have sex, right?
Then just take her to a hotel by force and try to push her down. Judge whether you have a chance based on how much strength she puts into trying to hold you off.
If her defenses are weak, there might be a chance.
If she’s resisting with all her strength, it’s an absolute no.
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Oh dear—you’re being deceived.
It’s best not to trust someone just because they say they’ve deleted their account. There are plenty of other women out there, so why not look elsewhere?
If that were a company, it’d be bankrupt by now, haha.
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You’ve become quite the cash cow, haven’t you?
Saying you can’t sort out your feelings while doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is like saying, “I have kids, but I’m a virgin”—it makes no sense.
You’ll break up soon enough.
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If it were me, I’d end things the moment she brought up how much she was getting from other people, especially when I wasn’t satisfied with the arrangement myself.
I don’t think anything good rarely comes from chasing after someone too deeply.
Especially when you’re already losing badly, putting even more money on the table is the classic way to lose everything. I see people like that all the time at casinos.
Some people may never be able to move on, even after two years—or even a lifetime—while others can get over it in two seconds. And in many cases, they’ve already moved on but simply haven’t forgiven you.
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