What do you think about getting 50,000 yen for being tied up for 12 hours?
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And what do you think about getting the same allowance for a two-day, one-night stay?
There was a man I had been seeing for four years, but I ended things with him.
No matter how wonderful a man is, I find myself starting to dislike him when I have to spend such a long time with him.
I understand wanting to spend a long time together.
If a man considers my circumstances and supports me on a monthly basis, I’m fine with spending a long time with him.
But when it’s someone I can only see once a month—and there are even months when we don’t meet at all—I feel like he only thinks about himself. He’s the type who makes me adjust my schedule around him.
I wish he would increase my allowance over time, but it never changes. Even if it’s 50,000 yen, the time commitment is just too long, and he starts to feel stingy. I end up dreading meeting him. Am I the only one who feels this way?
Of course, I could simply stop meeting him.
But even a man who keeps me for a long time can feel like a lifesaver when I don’t have anyone else. Still, when I indirectly hint that I’m struggling financially and he ignores it while expecting me to spend a long time with him, I start feeling this way and end up cutting ties myself.
That’s also because I sometimes have double bookings with other men who invite me for shorter meetings and offer an allowance of 30,000–50,000 yen.
When I tell them I’m having financial difficulties, many of them take my situation into consideration and make an effort to see me more often. That only makes me dislike the long-hours papa even more.
I honestly don’t like having these feelings myself, but is it okay to think they’re normal?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
A papa (a male supporter) who keeps you tied up for 12 hours? I’m amazed you put up with that for four years.
That said, I was paid the same amount for overnight stays too... The other person wanted to travel, so I tried going on a hot-spring trip with him.
Even from the papa’s side, spending that many hours together was exhausting, so I’m fine with no more overnight stays, lol.
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I don’t think that’s normal—neither the person asking nor the man she’s seeing.
Meeting up when there’s no mutual understanding or empathy between you…
When I first started reading, I saw “fourth year” by the fourth line and briefly wondered, “Could this be about me?” But we’re still in touch, so I was relieved to realize it wasn’t.
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The amount of time involved and the terms of the arrangement come down to personal values, so everyone will feel differently about them. There’s no right or wrong answer, so there’s no point wasting time agonizing over it.
The real issue was continuing to meet someone whose values didn’t align with yours.
I’m of the opinion that gaps in values can’t be bridged, so I think ending things was the right choice.
It’s me.
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As for “What do you think about 50,000 yen for being tied up for 12 hours?” and “What if the allowance is the same for an overnight two-day, one-night stay?”—it really depends on the person.
If you genuinely enjoy their company, that may be more than enough. On the other hand, if you truly dislike them, even a short time together would feel unpleasant.
Some people prioritize money in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), while others prioritize meeting someone. I think either approach is fine.
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As we get older, our relationships with others tend to become more influenced by calculations of costs and benefits. The odds may be low, but I hope you find someone who’s both enjoyable to be with and offers an allowance you’re happy with.
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Unfortunately, to use an old-fashioned expression, that man is KY—completely oblivious.
If being tied up for long periods is stressing you out, I think it’s perfectly fine to just gradually fade out of contact.
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That’s pretty normal.
If they’re fun to be around, I wouldn’t mind spending 12 hours together. But if they’re boring, suggest ¥20,000 an hour—though that might turn into meeting at a hotel and getting straight to it.
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