Taro, Seattle, and all the other respondents, I hope you’re doing well.
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Recently, companies such as Toshiba and Omron began offering early retirement packages. I work for a major manufacturer that has also started recruiting employees aged 45 and over who have worked here for at least 20 years.
【Current Situation】
I was promoted to management in January and transferred to the Corporate Planning Office. Even though my regular duties are already keeping me extremely busy, I was also instructed to spend six months supporting the HR Department as the main contact person until the end of September, when approximately 1,500 employees are expected to retire. I’ve even given up my Golden Week holidays to prepare materials for retirement briefings explaining procedures such as social insurance paperwork and other things employees need to take care of after leaving the company. Once the holidays are over, I’ll have a mountain of work waiting for me, including handling complaints, answering various inquiries, and coordinating with employees’ prospective new employers.
Retirement is an important matter that affects a person’s entire life plan. And now that lifetime employment and seniority-based promotion are no longer the norm, I imagine this is the same at every company. However, it seems that the employees the company most wants to retain are often the ones who take early retirement, while more old-fashioned employees tend to stay until the mandatory retirement age and then continue working through post-retirement reemployment.
After turning 45, income tends to decline regardless of one’s skills. Many employees have families, mortgages, tuition loans, car loans, and other major expenses still ahead of them. Although this is part of my job, I can’t help wondering how I would feel if I were in their position, and it leaves me with mixed emotions.
【My Concerns】
① I have explained my current situation to my partner, a 50-year-old unmarried man whose wife passed away. He understands what I’m going through and has told me, “You’ve really been given an incredibly difficult assignment. It must be exhausting, both physically and mentally.”
② However, when we actually meet and become intimate, he says, “I’m sorry, ◯◯-chan [my name]. You have a large bust and a great figure, and you’re so tight and narrow when we’re intimate that I climax right away. Then I want you again, so we always end up having a second round.”
③ I’m extremely busy with work right now and mentally exhausted. Having a second round every time is physically tiring as well, so I asked him if we could keep it to just once. But he says, “I know it’s wrong in my head, but when I see you, I’m a man, and my body wants you.”
【Why I Joined a Dating Club】
My parents died in an accident when my father was 50. I was raised by my grandparents, and I wanted to have an adult relationship (intimate) with an older man around the same age my father was when he died. I also didn’t want to date someone from work, and I have no intention of getting married. I live with my pet.
【My Questions】
① How can I get him to limit things to just one round?
② Do any of you ever have a second round, or even more?
③ Recently, he has been saying that he wants to see me every week. However, I also need time for my hobbies and rest. How can I get us back to meeting twice a month, as we did before?
I told him, “I think meals, going out, and our adult relationship would all feel fresher if we didn’t meet so often and left a little more time between dates.” But he makes a displeased face and says he wants to see me as often as possible.
He is calm, gentle, and a genuinely good person, so I would like to continue seeing him. I apologize for the very long post. I’m sorry to take up your time, but I would greatly appreciate advice from those with more life experience. Thank you very much.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂40s👑Universe female member
Just today, a woman said to me, “We’ve already been together for 12 hours,” while we were out on an all-day date. I’m Paper Airplane. We’ve been seeing each other for years, but the allowance stays the same whether we spend two hours, four hours, or the entire day together.
At a club, if both people consistently make time to meet on the days the other wants to, they’re more likely to keep seeing each other. The relationship tends to continue even longer when each person also makes an effort to do things that please the other.
That said, some people feel happy and comfortable when their partner is pleased, while others don’t.
Which type are you and the man you’re seeing?
Usually, one of the appeals of being a papa (a male supporter) is consciously trying to make the woman happy and fulfill her needs. How is the man you’re seeing in that regard? If he showed that kind of consideration, you probably wouldn’t feel dissatisfied. Your time together would fly by, and you could likely build a perfectly satisfying adult relationship (intimate) as well.
I can’t say whether things will last, but this doesn’t seem like a very good relationship to continue. You may be better off looking for a different papa (a male supporter), or someone with whom you’re more compatible.
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You’ll probably need to be clear and tell him directly.
① If you’re attractive and have other offers, I think the best solution is to explain your terms firmly, even if it means being prepared to end things. If you want to continue, tell him you only want it to happen once per meeting.
② I do it twice. Thankfully, the women who happily accept a second round with Fuu’s “big one” become my regular monthly partners. I never force anyone. Several women have ended things because they couldn’t handle it, and that was by mutual agreement. Since I end up continuing with women who enjoy sex, I personally think it’s a win-win for both of us. If you don’t like it, I think you should date a papa who only does it once.
③ Tell him the same way as in ①.
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First of all, if he’s already putting this much pressure on you, he isn’t a good person.
It sounds like you may already be experiencing mild health issues, so why not say you’re seeing a doctor for treatment? (Rest is a perfectly valid part of treatment.) Or you could say you’ve started studying for a qualification with your next job in mind—and learn how to take proper rest as well.
As for going for a second round:
- One round lasting an hour
- Two rounds, but only five minutes each
Which would you prefer?
If a second round is unavoidable, I think the best approach is to adjust things so it doesn’t put too much strain on you.
I adjust the number of rounds and the amount of time depending on how my partner is feeling that day.
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I apologize for being younger than you, but here are my answers.
② Do you ever go for a second round or more?
→ I’m not very physically fit, so I’ve never done a second round. Even the first round is fairly short and relaxed.
① How can I get him to keep it to just one round somehow?
③ He’s recently been saying he wants to see me every week, but I also need time for my hobbies and to rest. How can I get us back to meeting twice a month, like before?
→ If the issue is more about your physical and mental well-being than the allowance, there is a risk the arrangement may end, but I think you should be honest with him. If talking it through doesn’t work, you might want to quietly look for someone else on the side.
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At first, it seems like a serious social issue, but in the end it takes a sexy turn. I can’t tell whether that was intentional or not, but I like it.
I’ve dealt with a lot of male members, so I’ll be blunt.
There aren’t any older guys here who will change their behavior just because they listen to someone’s opinions or advice. For better or worse.
In other words, the only way is to force a change in the arrangement through means other than talking things over or discussing it.
For example, you could try strategies like these:
**Strategy 1:** “I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to the gynecologist and was told I have that kind of condition. So I can’t do two rounds every time. Even if I push myself, I can only manage about twice a month, when I’m feeling up to it. Anything more might make my condition worse.” Basically, limit the frequency that way.
**Strategy 2:** “No one listens to me—not at work, and not even you, Mr. ○○. Everyone around me is so self-centered that it’s really taking a toll on my mental health. I don’t want to see anyone for a while.” Use something like that to adjust the schedule.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with lying to someone who refuses to listen, so go ahead and lie. I’m pretty mentally fragile myself, so when someone is exhausting to deal with, I tell some serious lies to create some distance.
And let me add this: a genuinely good person isn’t someone who listens when you talk to them honestly. It’s someone who realizes that your lie is a lie, but says nothing and goes along with it anyway.
Personally, I think one of the deeper aspects of dating clubs is that you can actually find men like that.
Most respondents say, “You should be honest and talk it over with him,” but they’re assuming the other person is someone like themselves. Or they’re just projecting their own wish that “I’d want my partner to be honest with me about everything.”
Don’t take that advice at face value. Their position, perspective—everything—is completely different. Lie, damn it, lie. What is this place, a church? Is your partner a priest? No. This is a dating club.
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① I think it’s fair to charge about 1.3 times the usual allowance for a second round.
Put all your effort into lining up a backup man so you can drop the stingy ones.
② I can’t manage a second round—or even one round more than once every three days, physically. Lately, I can’t even manage that, which is depressing… Maybe I’m nearing the end of my lifespan as a living organism.
③ If you’re on a monthly arrangement, that’s exploitation unless the number of times is included in the terms.
With pay-per-meeting, you make money, but it’s exhausting, right?
You should probably switch to your backup man after all.
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I’m not sure whether you were specifically looking for my answer, but I’ll respond anyway.
① Why not be honest and ask to keep it to just once?
That said, you should probably make it clear that you’re not thinking only of your own convenience—you’re grateful for the enjoyable time you spend together and would like to keep seeing them.
② I’m young, so I can go for two rounds or more, but I haven’t asked about that.
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), one round is generally the norm, and there’s also the idea that a second round would require a separate allowance.
Even if they’re physically capable of it, some people still keep it to one round.
③ Why not adjust your schedules so you only meet twice a month?
If you give your hobbies and rest the same priority as work—or even a higher priority—you should naturally be able to say no when necessary.
Unless you properly schedule time for hobbies and rest, you’ll never get around to them.
As an aside, people who have been involved in layoffs often seem to have an overly strong “the company is my life” mindset.
Whether they take early retirement or get fired, their life goes on.
Who knows how a person’s life might change once they’re freed from a hopeless workplace that manufactures unappealing products, surrounds them with dead-eyed coworkers, and keeps them endlessly caught up in internal politics that contribute nothing whatsoever to GDP?
After leaving the company, people eventually become free from the spell of “company = life.” Wouldn’t they be more grateful if you supported and encouraged those leaving so they could break free of that spell as soon as possible?
I think it’s more unfortunate to stay at a shitty company that has no power to protect its employees, and that has maintained its influence by creating people who panic at the thought of what they would do if they left the company and had to fend for themselves.
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