I have a very kind papa (a male supporter) whom I’ve met and gone shopping with twice. However, he doesn’t give me a set amount each time: the first time, he bought me clothes, so I didn’t receive any allowance, and the second time, he gave me around ¥20,000.
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I feel awkward asking for a fixed amount, but what should I do?
What kind of arrangement is this?
Do you just go on walks around town or have dinner together? Are you also in an adult relationship (intimate)?
Either way, it wasn’t ideal that you didn’t discuss the terms of the arrangement during the first meeting or when things progressed to an adult relationship.
Some people don’t give an allowance if there’s no adult relationship. So if you haven’t reached that point yet, make sure to discuss the terms clearly before moving forward.
If it’s just dates around town, you could wait and see a little longer, then say, “There’s nothing I want,” and try stopping the gifts. If you received 20,000 yen last time, I think you could probably receive the same amount again.
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He sounds like the type of papa who loses interest as soon as money comes up. I don’t have a mirror at home, and I want us to become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Try searching for “Itadaki Joshi Riri-chan manual.”
It says that you should make it clear in conversation that you consulted him because he’s an older man you trust—not because you’re after his money (sample lines are included)—and then steer the conversation so that he says, “I’ll do something about it.”
It also says that even if he offers to give you money, it’s important to turn him down at least once.
Apparently, your chances of success are higher if you suggest something that doesn’t actually solve the problem, such as:
“If I’m going to inconvenience an older guy like you, I’ll just apply for a loan from a loan shark myself.”
That way, you get him to offer you a helping hand.
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It depends on the current nature of your relationship, but I think you should bring it up.
In my case, it’s more like a contractual mistress-type arrangement, so I give her a fixed amount every month. She doesn’t often ask me to buy her gifts or other things, though.
That said, she does conveniently make little requests at just the right moment, which can be a bit troublesome（笑）
Since it would be difficult to continue seeing each other if expenses piled up two or three times over, you should discuss things and agree on an arrangement that works for both of you.
If you’re happy with the relationship as it is, then there’s nothing wrong with leaving things that way. But I think having a stable monthly amount has its advantages, since it gives her more freedom over how she spends it.
Also, considering how many times you meet each month, your papa seems a little stingy, so I think you should ask him to be a bit more generous（笑）
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My favorite girl, who’s been with me for about four and a half years, doesn’t have a set allowance or any fixed terms. We don’t even pay the same amount every time.
You don’t have to decide that things must always be a certain way. If you’re compatible, I think it’s fine to just let things happen naturally.
It’s only when mutual affection comes together that it feels like a genuine relationship. The more conditions you add, the more it starts to feel like a contract.
Men aren’t happy when someone approaches marriage or romance with conditions from the very beginning. The same goes for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan): if the terms end up being better than expected, the connection tends to deepen, and I think both sides feel more at ease.
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The fundamental misunderstanding is that a dating club isn’t a business that provides sexual services in exchange for payment. The club only facilitates the initial introduction; anything after that is between the individuals involved. So set your own rules.
That’s why you need to say what you want. If it’s too difficult to bring up and you don’t want to meet under those circumstances, then simply don’t meet again. It really is that simple.
Taro
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