Men my age whom I know say I’m not ugly and that I look perfectly average.
Whenever I open up about my insecurities, people usually tell me, “You don’t look like someone who would worry about that,” or “I don’t understand—do you just want people to acknowledge you for your looks?”
When I mention that I’ve entered beauty pageants in the past, they say, “The fact that you entered competitions for awards just proves you want to be recognized for your appearance.” They tell me it’s just a need for validation and that I want people to call me cute.
That man also says that when choosing a girlfriend, the first thing he considers is whether she’s cute or not.
(He works in the industry.)
Is being cute really everything?
Should I also work hard to become cute because that’s the right thing to do?
I’d like your honest opinion.
You can hardly change your appearance without plastic surgery, so whether you gain confidence from it or not really depends on how you feel about yourself.
If you have an average appearance, what do you want to do with that?
Do you want to do well in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? Or are you looking for a boyfriend?
The best approach will differ depending on your goals.
Even in papa-katsu, there are women who may not be conventionally cute but have an oddly sexy appeal, or who make men feel comfortable and confident about meeting them. There are also plenty of standard-looking women with five-star profiles and lots of photo favorites.
Why not work toward something within your reach, in the direction that suits you, and build either confidence or satisfaction along the way?
I had a life where I wasn’t popular either, but through papa-katsu here, I now have a few monthly arrangements and am having a really great time.
You can’t change your face that much, so try changing your environment or focusing on what you can do.
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My daughter is the opposite of you, Questioner—she’s convinced she’s beautiful. It can be a bit much.
That said, believing in yourself can sometimes bring good luck. My daughter beat out hundreds of applicants and landed her current job. Apparently, during the executive interview, they told her she was “the kind of beautiful you grow addicted to.” I’m sure they couldn’t think of anything else to say, but she was absolutely thrilled. Then, when she brought home her current husband, I was stunned by how handsome he was. I blurted out, “There are plenty of prettier women out there. Are you sure you want my daughter?” (My daughter found out and nearly killed me.)
What I’m trying to say is that believing in yourself can be important sometimes. If you believe that cuteness is everything, why not start by convincing yourself of that? Of course, I didn’t show my daughter your question—she’d probably say you’re “brain-dead.” Rest assured.
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There was a comedy duo from years ago called Hayashiya Pei and Pāko. They’re married, and whenever they appeared on TV together, even if Pei said something that wasn’t particularly funny, Pāko would let out a high-pitched “Eee!” and crack up. I sometimes wondered whether getting that kind of reaction to absolutely everything might keep him from growing as a comedian. But having someone laugh at what you say is still a wonderful thing, and I imagine that having someone like that by your side as your lifelong partner must be the greatest happiness of all. It doesn’t matter if everyone else thinks you’re unfunny or if you never win any comedy awards, right?
So my advice is: find your own “Pāko.” Then everything will be solved.
Maybe we’re all just wandering around in search of our own personal Pāko.
And yes, Pāko is also the name of No. 3 in Perman—but that’s a different Pāko.
It’s also not the same as Taiwanese paiko noodles (排骨麺), topped with fried pork.
Personally, I prefer the paiko noodles.
Taro
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Thank you for your question.
Maezawa here.
You conclude by saying:
> “As expected, being cute is everything.”
But then you ask:
> “Does that mean I should also make an effort to become cute?”
Thinking about that, I get the impression that what you’re really saying is:
Being cute is everything to you, but no matter how much you try or aim for it, you can’t become cute.
Leaving aside whether that interpretation is correct, if you’ve realized that you can’t become cute through effort alone, wouldn’t you be better off working on other areas—such as your character, personality, or conversational skills—to make yourself more appealing?
If focusing on your appearance won’t change anything, I think it would be better to put your effort into the things you can change.
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Judging from your post, I’d say you’re probably fairly cute, but only fairly cute—not exceptionally so.
Being reasonably cute is more than enough to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and find happiness. On the other hand, some incredibly beautiful people don’t have things work out in life—and sometimes it’s precisely because they’re beautiful.
It sounds like you want everyone to tell you that you’re cute and beautiful. As you are now, you probably wouldn’t do well in a beauty pageant, so why not pursue “cute” and decide for yourself which direction you want to take it? Maybe getting plastic surgery and being showered with attention would change your life.
Since you asked for my honest opinion, this is all about personal satisfaction, so do whatever you like.
Marika
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I think a lot of girls struggle with the same thing.
I’m sure you’re more than cute enough.
Looks may be what initially attracts men, but once you build a relationship, they don’t matter that much. What matters more is whether you’re their type and whether they start developing feelings for you.
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