I’d like to understand the motives and intentions of men who want to know a woman’s personal information, and how to deal with them.
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A man who recently made me an offer has been asking where I live, which high school and university I attended, my real name, and so on—even before our first meeting.
When I asked why, all he said was, “I’d like to have a relationship with as few secrets as possible.”
He says, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” but when I explain that I’m uncomfortable sharing personal information, he responds with things like, “I’ve also registered with the club by showing them my ID, so I’m not going to do anything bad,” “Think about it. There’s nothing you could do with just this much information, so it’s fine,” and, “I’m not going to go out of my way to verify it—and I couldn’t verify it anyway—so don’t worry.”
He has also told me a great deal about his own background, where he lives, and where his company is located. Still, I can’t help feeling that he may be trying to pressure me by implying, “I told you mine, so you should tell me yours.”
Why would a man want to know a woman’s personal information?
Should I decline to see this man, or would it be enough to brush him off by giving him made-up information?
Other than asking for personal information, I haven’t had any problems with him. However, some of the information I already gave him was real, so I’m feeling anxious.
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That sounds like a difficult situation.
There could be all sorts of reasons why a man wants to know your personal information, but my guess is that the main reason is that he wants to feel like your relationship is special—not just about money.
You don’t have to tell him anything, of course. Giving vague or made-up answers isn’t necessarily bad, but older guys can sulk unbelievably hard when they catch you, which can be a pain. If you do lie, make sure your story stays consistent. If you say something different every time, they’ll sulk even more dramatically. So be careful how you handle it.
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You’re asking about the mindset of a papa who wants to know your personal information.
The answer is: “He isn’t thinking at all.”
His mind is simply stuck in the pre-internet Showa era, so he’s an old-school type who can’t realistically imagine the risk or fear of being identified and exposed on social media, potentially ruining half his life.
Sadly, that gap can’t be bridged.
I’ve had a terrible experience after a papa I gave my personal information to exposed me, but I’ve also had a papa whose relationship with me grew closer because I shared those details—so much so that he eventually bought me a condo.
At the end of the day, this is a world where everything is your own responsibility. If you don’t trust your ability to judge people, your only option is to choose a papa who doesn’t need to know anything personal about you.
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I think it’s best not to disclose too much personal information at the beginning of getting to know someone. There’s always the possibility of stalking, after all.
Once you’ve met several times and decided that you can trust them, you can gradually start sharing more. Though really, personal details tend to come up naturally in conversation.
That approach should be fine.
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If you’re mature enough to handle situations like this properly on your own, problems generally don’t arise when using a dating club.
That said, while trouble is uncommon, it does happen. If something did happen, I’d probably report it to the club, but that doesn’t mean the club will handle everything for you.
Marika
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Would you be willing to tell that man anything just because he loves you so much and wants to know more about you?
The reason behind it doesn’t really matter. The issue is simply whether you choose not to date someone who keeps pushing you to do things you dislike, or whether you work out a compromise and continue seeing him.
No one else can know whether it will be okay. You need to decide that for yourself. These days, even an upper-grade elementary schoolgirl should be able to make that kind of decision on her own.
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