Last time we had dinner, I said, “STIs—especially syphilis—are spreading right now, so we need to be careful, don’t we?” But the man I was with didn’t look very pleased.

As you said, men are generally considered to be more careless than women when it comes to pregnancy. I believe men should be the ones to prepare contraception as a matter of common courtesy, but women should also carry their own—for their own protection. When my daughter was in high school and it became clear that she had gotten her first boyfriend (though I’m pretty sure he wasn’t her first—she brought him home, and he was incredibly handsome, which really surprised me), I casually brought up the subject of contraception. I also made sure my daughter had some with her.

> A membership rule saying you must not have unprotected sex Would something like, “Don’t have unprotected sex, okay? I mean it—absolutely do not!” work? (In the style of the Dachō Club comedy trio, lol.) > When I said, “STIs—especially syphilis—are spreading right now, so we need to be careful, don’t we?” the man didn’t look too pleased. Instead, clearly ask, “I’d like you to use a condom—is that okay?” Don’t just watch his reaction; state it explicitly. If possible, turn on your phone’s voice memo, or keep a record in a format that remains in your LINE messages. You should have condoms ready, but some men suddenly change once you’re in the room. If he forces himself on you, you need to be prepared to consult the police about non-consensual sexual intercourse. Without that level of resolve and preparation, it’s difficult to completely avoid unprotected sex. Don’t underestimate men. They’re animals, after all. (Saying that as if I’m not one myself, lol.) If I were a woman, I’d keep the voice memo on even after entering the room. If he tried to have unprotected sex, I’d shout toward my phone, “No unprotected sex! That’s not what we agreed to!” Playing that recording for the police later would make your account more credible. When going to a room with a man for the first time, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to take precautions like that.

Since the woman I’m seeing is young and has her whole future ahead of her, preventing sexually transmitted infections is important for both of us. Of course, I talk to her about it, and I also only see one partner. I think it’s a good idea to carry whatever you need with you. You can’t do much about your appearance, but you should choose carefully in other respects and see someone who is understanding.

I think it’s probably a difference in how men and women approach things. From a man’s perspective, I want to think of it as a “secret affair” with at least some romantic feelings involved, so I’m not comfortable casually discussing STI risks or whether to use condoms. I’m pretty shameless when it comes to dirty jokes myself, but I do feel a little put off when a woman brings up topics like that over dinner. That said, it’s not as though men are completely oblivious to the risks you’re worried about. Men who have had a fair amount of experience usually understand the risks and know how to deal with them. I think most men are like that, but some are inexperienced, and others may have plenty of experience without ever learning the basics. It’s a matter of probability, so sometimes you simply end up encountering one. A dating club’s role ends with making the introduction; anything that happens between members afterward is considered their own responsibility. Otherwise, the club could be in violation of Japan’s Anti-Prostitution Law. So I don’t think there are any formal rules regarding etiquette in an adult relationship (intimate). That said, if something was truly unacceptable, you should give the club feedback. They’ll likely judge him, in the general sense, as someone who lacks basic manners and consideration. Even so, it’s best to approach things with the mindset that you’re responsible for protecting yourself. Buy your own condoms. You can get them on Amazon. Extremely thin ones can sometimes be difficult to put on because they tangle, so I’d recommend inexpensive unbranded ones or SKYN. You don’t need to keep them right next to the bed. When the situation arises, object and take your time while he goes to get them from his bag—that way, you keep control of the pace. He may complain that thin ones are difficult to put on, or that the interruption made him lose his erection, but act affectionate, touch him, and do whatever you can to get the condom on and keep things moving. In a sense, it’s like training an animal. Though we’re only talking “shake” level tricks here. Actually, maybe “roll over” would be more fitting, lol. Taro