I’d like to talk about my papa.

Question

Every time we meet, I’m made to listen endlessly to his bragging. He says he grew up in an upscale neighborhood in Minato Ward, Tokyo, graduated from ×× University, and has famous figures from the political and business worlds, celebrities, renowned doctors, university professors, and diplomats among his classmates. He also says that there’s a huge difference between someone like him, who went from an elite kindergarten to a top university, and someone from the countryside who studied hard for entrance exams to get into a top university—namely, whether or not they own assets such as real estate in Tokyo. I did graduate from a prestigious university, but I’m from the countryside. I studied extremely hard at the best public high school in my prefecture and was accepted into university through the entrance exams. My papa isn’t a bad person, but he’s extremely proud. For example, if a waiter takes too long to bring our food at a restaurant, he’ll click his tongue and snap, “What’s taking so long? This is supposed to be a top-class restaurant, isn’t it?” If he happens to bump into someone on the street, he’ll angrily scold them, saying, “Hey, watch where you’re going!” Since I’m from the countryside, I’m worried that if my papa finds out, he’ll look down on me too. It’s been weighing on my mind. He was raised with every advantage from childhood and has a strong sense of being an elite, so he seems to think very highly of himself and look down on people in professions like waiting tables. I believe that people earn a salary by working hard, enduring unpleasant things, and earning an honest living, but… Do men with a strong sense of elitism, like my papa, tend to look down on or belittle other people?

Answer 1

I can’t date someone who goes on and on about bragging stories I have no interest in hearing. At least talk about your own achievements, I’d think. From what you’ve described, he sounds like exactly the kind of papa (a male supporter) who would make me want to leave as soon as possible. Would I put up with it if the allowance were generous (well-paying)? In my case, my feelings would show on my face, so I guess I couldn’t do it after all. —Marika

Answer 2

Are you sure that papa really attended that university? People can claim they went to a prestigious school, and you’d never know if they were lying. Besides, you can’t exactly ask them to show you proof. So what if someone went to a good university? I think it’s far more admirable to work hard and pursue your dreams from a young age. I think papa says things like that because he lacks confidence. What is he actually good at? Try asking him about himself.

Answer 3

> They have famous politicians and business leaders, celebrities, renowned doctors, university professors, and diplomats among their classmates. I get that, but what does that papa actually do for a living? That’s the real question, isn’t it? Ironically, I sometimes think that many famous politicians and business leaders, celebrities, renowned doctors, university professors, and diplomats are probably quite humble people, haha.

Answer 4

To a greater or lesser extent, people are constantly trying to one-up and look down on each other, and I think that happens here on this Q&A site too. For the most part, it probably comes down to whether someone’s papa-katsu is going well or not. As long as I keep moving upward, I’ve accepted that some people may see me as looking down on others, but I think it’s really a matter of degree. It may also depend on whether someone makes those feelings obvious or keeps them to themselves. I think it simply means that particular papa’s behavior is especially bad.

Answer 5

The ones who can handle being looked down on, made fun of, or playing the fool are actually the more mature ones… Papas like that are, in a way, easy to deal with. If they get irritated or take offense so easily, they’re pretty immature… You can usually ignore it by just thinking, “What a sad person…” but still… There’s no reason to go out of your way to keep seeing a papa like that, right?

Answer 6

Your papa’s bragging seems to be about things like where he’s from, which school he went to, and who he went to school with—not his own accomplishments. I think he’s probably a lonely person. If you can listen to him as if you were volunteering in exchange for an allowance, you may want to keep seeing him. That said, it might be worth gently pointing out that verbally abusing someone after accidentally bumping into them on the street could end up causing serious trouble. People who reach old age without ever experiencing setbacks can be surprisingly fragile once they finally crack. Be careful not to hurt your papa’s pride.

Answer 7

My impression is that there are plenty of people—both men and women—who look down on others and treat them with contempt, even if they aren’t elites. I’m guessing that, somewhere deep down, you looked down on Yumiko (a pseudonym) back in middle school because you thought she wouldn’t study much and would end up at the second-ranked prefectural high school, didn’t you? Why would someone ask such a blunt question with no clear purpose, simply because it’s free? At the very least, I don’t think the effort they put into studying so hard and getting into a top-tier university is being put to good use. I have a friend from my middle and high school days who boasts, “I’m an elite among elites.” Since he says so himself, I suppose it must be true. To me, he looks like nothing more than a slightly above-average petty bureaucrat, but whenever I point that out, he turns bright red and argues, “People like us are the ones building Japan.” When I ask him, “Then how do you explain Japan’s GNP being overtaken not only by China but seemingly even by South Korea?” he suddenly loses steam, which I find rather amusing. Despite his strong sense of superiority as an elite, he fell in love at first sight with his wife when she was working at Anna Miller’s, and they’ve been together ever since. So, even people with a strong sense of elitism can be decent enough, and apparently having sex at Anna Miller’s still gets him excited. Incidentally, we’ll all be turning sixty next year.

Answer 8

I make a conscious effort every day to never become that kind of man. That wealthy guy just happened to be a scumbag and a truly awful human being. I hope he gets attacked by some thug on the street someday. He probably only acts tough toward people he thinks are weaker than him. Find a better papa and send him a copy of this Q&A post.

I’d like to talk about my papa.

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I’d like to talk about my papa.

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