He treats me to expensive meals, but insists that an allowance of 30,000 yen is enough and that 50,000 yen would be a rip-off. I could simply stop seeing him, but isn’t that contradictory?
If he took me to Sukiya or a cheap hotel, I could understand 30,000 yen. But he takes me to expensive hotels and restaurants because he wants me to like him—that’s his expense—yet he refuses to increase the allowance beyond 30,000 yen.
If he gave me at least 50,000 yen, I wouldn’t want to cut ties and could continue seeing him, even if the time were unlimited.
30,000 yen is normal for a transactional relationship, but I don’t think it’s fair to keep someone for a long time for that amount.
I thought I’d be willing to meet him if it was only for a short time, so I didn’t turn him down. But in the end, it lasted 12 hours, making it longer than any other meeting I’ve had.
He tells me, “I’m extremely careful when we go out so I don’t do anything you dislike,” but someone who gives me 50,000 yen is worth several times more to me.
With 30,000 yen, I feel like my pride is being hurt.
Apparently, before joining Universe, he was using an app, and he refuses to go above 30,000 yen based on the going rate there.
I can’t bring up the allowance directly, so I’ve talked indirectly about papa-katsu, saying that someone who gives 50,000 yen is an ideal supporter, 30,000 yen is the bare minimum, and that it only works for a short meeting.
So he should understand.
I think he knows exactly what I mean and is deliberately ignoring it.
Of course, I could simply stop seeing him, but I can’t say it to his face. I wanted to hear what men really think, so I decided to ask here. (; ;)
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
You probably want to use nice places for meals and hotels since you use them too, but I don’t know whether this applies specifically to you or to women in general—you don’t seem very willing to give much to the other person.
If it’s causing you stress, why not quit? It sounds like there are other papas you can compare him with, too. Raising a low allowance is extremely difficult.
In the past, I only managed to get one papa to increase it slightly, because with an adult relationship (intimate), I have to put in a tremendous amount of effort.
Oh, and there was also someone who said there would be no allowance for trips. He caused me so much trouble despite all the effort I put into looking after him that I told him I wouldn’t travel with him again unless I was paid an allowance.
Oh, there’s one more example. I was uncomfortable with accepting a papa’s particular preferences, so I said I’d do it if the allowance were doubled. He actually doubled it, so we continued seeing each other under those terms for a while. But I suppose even he felt it was too expensive from a papa’s perspective, because it didn’t last much longer after that.
If you have lots of papas, you might as well ask—even if there’s a chance they’ll say no.
Those are just a few examples. With the others, I either accepted their terms without negotiating or simply faded out if the relationship became too stressful.
Hope this helps.
Marika
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You’ve cited quite a few figures. I can certainly understand that this is a stressful situation.
It seems the issue for you is that, even though he takes you to high-end restaurants and places like that, your allowance is low.
You say that your pride is being hurt. Sorry, but that made me laugh. At a red-lantern izakaya in Shimbashi, someone would probably snap back, “That’s all your pride is worth? Do you even have any pride in the first place?”
Reading between the lines, I don’t think this is really about pride—it’s about your sense of money. In other words, it comes down to how much it would take for you to take your clothes off. Calling that pride… don’t you find it a little funny? I’d understand if you said you had no pride, though.
The papa (a male supporter) seems to value you, taking you to high-end restaurants and treating you well. But you seem to place absolutely no value on any of that. I’m not mocking you; it’s probably just a mismatch. You’ll both be unhappy if things continue this way, so I think the answer is pretty obvious. What do you think?
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I’ll answer from a somewhat unusual angle.
There’s a business owner I know whom I have absolutely no respect for. After his wife caught him cheating with women several times, he ended up on an allowance system despite having considerable assets and income. He can still charge expenses to the company card and so on, but his access to cash has become pretty restricted.
Going by that example, maybe this papa is in the same situation and simply can’t give much of an allowance—who knows, though.
To answer seriously, if you accept 3, or whatever amount it is, that’s probably what it’ll become, because there’s no fixed market rate.
The women who refuse to accept less are thoroughly unwilling to compromise—that may be a matter of pride. On the men’s side, too, whether they want to be number one or are content with a third-place position probably comes down to their own pride.
Some women get 3 for a two-hour meal, while others get 10 for a meal and a slightly longer outing, or 20 for an adult relationship (intimate).
All of these are based on my own recent experiences, so this is nonfiction.
I don’t actually know anything about papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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I’m “Shirousa,” a new answerer here.
Based on everything you’ve shared so far, I think getting an increase will be difficult.
In short, you’re unhappy because this papa (a male supporter) pays little for such a long time, but you don’t want him to cut ties with you.
If it has to be this papa, message him and ask that future dates be kept to around four or five hours.
Even if he asks why, don’t say that spending so long together is painful. It might be better to say that you need time to rest your body.
That way, you should be able to feel satisfied with the allowance and time you originally agreed on.
If things still don’t improve, you should cut ties with him.
PATOLO must be becoming more popular, so if you keep sending plenty of “I like your profile” messages and updating your profile and photos, you might meet a great papa.
I’ve actually received quite a few PATOLO messages myself, and some of them have led to arrangements, so it really does work.
From now on, tell them right at the beginning, “I’d like an allowance of 5, please.”
I think that will make things much clearer and less stressful.
Good luck!
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I think love and marriage can begin or continue regardless of terms.
That said, some people do start out by focusing on the terms.
With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), some people prioritize the terms, while others feel that the relationship matters more than the terms, even in papa-katsu.
It sounds like both you and your papa (a male supporter) are simply the kind of people who place importance on the terms.
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Like the previous question, this is another good one.
I completely understand how you feel. However, an arrangement isn’t just about the money.
When you say it’s stressful, I assume the long hours are what bother you. In that case, why not shorten the time a little next time? The relationship itself seems to be going well, and personally, I think that in the end, the people who keep an arrangement going for the long term come out ahead.
I’ve heard that around 30% of people registered with an escort club receive no offers at all, and even those who do receive offers often have trouble maintaining them. In that context, continuing your arrangement is essentially the same as consistently receiving stable offers.
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There’s no such thing as “what men really think.”
What exists is the true feelings of the person you’re seeing, and no one else can know them.
If a relationship hurts your pride, I think you simply shouldn’t be in it.
Why is it so hard to understand something this simple?
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