The allowance you initially agree on usually doesn’t include detailed terms like the length of the date or what you’ll be doing, right?

What kind of relationship are you looking for? Negotiating the allowance can create an awkward atmosphere, so I try to avoid it whenever possible—and it’s especially difficult for women to bring it up. ☆In my case, once we like each other and discuss the allowance at the first meeting—amount, timing, whether traveling together is possible, and so on—I never bring it up myself again. After all, we agreed on the terms at the beginning. And I think it’s perfectly normal for the intimate side of the relationship to gradually become more involved. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate for the man to offer an increase himself? Am I wrong? ☆Please say no to anything you can’t do. You should assume that the allowance will almost never increase. If a man offers to increase it himself, be absolutely thrilled. This is something I want to say not only to the person asking the question, but to all women and men involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan): papa-katsu isn’t sex work. It’s a relationship with genuine feelings. Think of it as a lucky situation where you have a caring relationship and also receive an allowance. If you think of it that way, you’ll probably stop constantly talking about money. So, ladies, instead of repeatedly bringing up money, please say clearly when you don’t like something or can’t do something. Stand your ground.

There’s no one right answer—it depends on you and the other person. Anyone who asks a complete stranger for a blanket answer to something like that probably isn’t suited to dating. What you do after meeting through a dating club is dating—a type of human relationship. How you spend a date is something you work out in the moment, by reading each other’s reactions and finding a reasonable middle ground. There’s a four-hour total guideline for the early stages, when you’re still getting a feel for each other. But after meeting a few times, I think you naturally become able to decide how long that day’s date should be. Regardless of gender, people who aren’t good at handling relationships would probably be better off using an adult entertainment service, where a third party decides the price, length, and details for them. I’ve only once been asked to increase the allowance. She said, “I want to have only one dating partner, so would you be willing to match the amount given by the man who currently gives me the most—○○?” I keep my allowance amounts uniform, and I didn’t feel there was enough benefit in doubling her allowance just so I could see her twice instead of seeing the other women, so I declined.

I don’t set things out in detail, and I’ve never negotiated. I don’t think I’ve ever proposed terms that would invite negotiation or pressured anyone into anything. I believe I’ve been able to escort women smoothly and respectfully, but I’ve never thought about skimping on the allowance. If someone is important to me, it naturally increases over time. That said, it’s ultimately limited by my financial means—and since my finances are still developing, so is my ability to give more. What matters most to me is whether she’s a good match for me, so I don’t think I should treat every woman that way. I do my utmost to make the first meeting a pleasant experience, of course, but if she isn’t a good match, that treatment simply won’t continue. Still, I would never be rude from the very first meeting. Some people argue that men should always be smooth and considerate, but if a woman isn’t someone who merits that kind of treatment, I suppose it can’t be helped. It’s called a dating club, after all, so if it’s a relationship, the two people are basically equals. Rather than focusing on what one side should or shouldn’t do, I think both people need to show consideration for each other—but most people don’t seem to have much of that. Maybe that’s why I’ve found myself wondering, on and off, whether I quit the club.

If you want to earn even a little, it’s a matter of negotiation. And if you’re willing to put in some effort within your limits, you can just leave it to them and cut off anyone you don’t like. If I were a woman, I’d stick with the fun people and cut off anyone who was too much trouble and financially struggling if they couldn’t change.

That’s a good question. Regardless of whether it’s through a dating club, what kind of relationship each person wants is different. It would be ideal if those expectations matched, but misunderstandings and mismatches can happen. I think it’s the same between married couples, romantic partners, and people seeing each other through a dating club. I believe dating through a club simply makes it possible, through financial support, for people to form relationships that would otherwise be extremely unlikely—including relationships with significant age gaps. You probably have to set your own boundaries and continue seeing each other while discussing and negotiating things together. Those boundaries differ from person to person, which makes things difficult, but I suppose that’s just what dealing with people is like. In any case, if the relationship isn’t enjoyable, I think it’s perfectly fine to end things. Even marriage, which is legally binding, can end in divorce.

In ordinary dating between men and women, I think the man would naturally take the lead in making sure the woman has a good time. If you want to enjoy that kind of relationship through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), with money involved, I think the man would still smoothly take the initiative and keep making the woman happy. On the other hand, expecting the woman to create an enjoyable time simply because you’re giving her an allowance is something unique to papa-katsu, and quite different from a normal romantic relationship. In the former case, the man continues to be considerate of what would make the woman feel more fulfilled. As a result, she can keep feeling naturally and comfortably satisfied without having to ask or feel burdened or self-conscious. In the latter case, the man assumes he can switch to another woman whenever he wants, depending on the woman, so things probably won’t stay fun forever—it becomes more like a situation where “the fish that’s been caught is no longer fed.” If the terms are set with other men viewed as competitors, both sides may become even more conscious that their connection is based on money. I think which type of man you choose is ultimately up to you. As for me, I’ve been seeing women from the club for many years, but I have never once discussed the allowance or those kinds of terms—not at the beginning, and not since. I believe the trust between both people is more important than the terms themselves.