Has anyone here been found out by their wife for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and ended up getting divorced because of it? If compensation was sought, would the woman have to pay it?

Thank you for your question! I’m sure there are couples who have divorced because of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but the club doesn’t keep statistics, so we can’t say how many. If the woman knew he was married and still slept with him, she may also be legally obligated to pay his wife compensation. Unlike an affair, papa-katsu tends to be more businesslike. So “the papa-katsu was discovered” could mean that records of 10 different women were found. Would the wife really pursue settlements or lawsuits against all 10 women? To win a lawsuit, she would need to hire a private investigator and obtain evidence, which could cost around a million yen and take three months or more. In the end, it comes down to whether the time, effort, and expense are worth it. Men who show you photos of their family or freely talk about their wives are essentially saying, “If this ever comes to light, please pay my wife compensation.” If it’s only about the money, you should cut ties.

If I had to choose between “yes” and “no,” I’d say yes—but in my case, absolutely not happening, haha.

If you’re asking whether it can happen, yes. A woman I know was sued by the wife for ¥15 million and ultimately ordered to pay ¥8 million. That’s probably an exceptionally large amount, but it seems the reasons were: 1) the affair had continued for a long time, and 2) the affair caused the marriage to break down and led to divorce. According to a lawyer who was my classmate, the amount varies depending on whether the couple divorces or remains married. In the latter case, the amount is apparently lower. Another thing to consider is where the lawsuit is filed. For example, if a woman living outside Tokyo is involved with a Tokyo-based papa (a male supporter), and the wife, who lives in Tokyo, sues her for adultery, the trial will generally take place in Tokyo. Travel expenses for attending court, as well as a lawyer’s travel fees if she hires one locally, will also be taken into account. I don’t mean to scare anyone, and as a married man I may not be in a position to comment, but in any case, it seems that dating a married man requires a great deal of caution.

The other day, I happened to speak with a lawyer who specializes in civil cases. They said that when a wife sues her husband’s affair partner, the husband who had the affair secretly pays the mistress for about 70% of the settlement. If I were ever asked to pay compensation, I’d feel bad and intend to pay it. But I think my papa (a male supporter) would probably find some way to help me out. Honestly, I’d struggle otherwise—I need to have the kind of trusting relationship where I can count on him to do that.

I personally know three specific cases. One was a single mother doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). The wife sued her for ¥3 million in damages, and the court ruled against her. She had no choice but to do even more papa-katsu to pay it off. The other two were female acquaintances—not involved in papa-katsu. They were in their 40s and 50s. One may have been lonely after her own divorce and had an affair at work, and the man’s wife sued her as well. She begged her affair partner to pay half, but he refused. The other was one of the female employees at my company, lol. She’s married, and she looked troubled, so I asked, “Is something wrong?” She told me what had happened. A married man had pursued her, and she eventually gave in. Then she received a complaint from his wife. I introduced her to a lawyer I knew. You really have no choice but to hire a lawyer. If you don’t have any connections, you should consult Houterasu—the Japan Legal Support Center. They can refer you to one. The initial retainer might be around ¥300,000. Married men who say things like, “We’ve been separated recently, and I’m planning to get divorced soon” are the riskiest of all. His wife might already be investigating his behavior. And if he wants a divorce but his wife won’t agree, finding evidence of his affair is the quickest way to move things forward. She can even sue the affair partner, claiming that she caused the divorce, and demand damages. You need to be aware that: ① having unprotected sex means you’ll definitely get an STD, ② putting money into a bank account means the tax office will definitely come after you, and ③ doing papa-katsu with a married person means his wife will definitely demand damages from you. As precautions, for ① use condoms, for ② keep cash at home, and for ③ have the other person write “I’m single” in your LINE messages and save it. Most men probably won’t cooperate and will dodge the issue by saying things like, “Don’t worry, I’m careful.” At the very least, you should keep your LINE messages limited to arranging dates and times, and avoid leaving messages with pseudo-romantic content or things like, “Let’s do an adult relationship (intimate) arrangement for ¥X.” That might be manageable. Also, use a city hotel rather than a love hotel, and if possible, enter separately. Even if someone sees you eating together or takes photos, you might be able to come up with some excuse. This is just speculation, but the highest-risk evidence is probably the LINE and message history.

I wonder if anyone like that actually exists—I’ve never heard of it. I’d cover the ¥3 million myself instead. But if there’s a dispute, he’s fighting with the woman, or he’s broke, the woman might end up being billed for the ¥3 million.