I’m in my late 20s and getting back into papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I can’t squeeze money out of older men unless I become ruthless, so I’m going to shut off my emotions.
Do the other women here do the same? It’s not just me, right?
To put it bluntly, this is a world where nearly half of all women may receive no offers at all, while some receive 50 or even 100 times as many. Things can be extremely uneven for both women and men.
Women in that position can enjoy themselves freely, but those who aren’t may need to make the kinds of efforts you mentioned.
That said, to fulfill yourself, you also need to fulfill the other person. So it’s important to remember that your natural qualities can be attractive too—you don’t have to rely solely on sex-work-style hospitality.
Everyone has their own unique qualities. I think the best approach is to communicate yours and pursue a relationship with someone who understands and appreciates them. With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I believe that’s possible.
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Not everyone is like you, the questioner.
In your case, I imagine that without the money from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you’d struggle to make ends meet, so money becomes everything.
I’m not saying that’s necessarily wrong, but if I were going to spend time with a woman like that, I’d honestly rather go to a sex service.
Women who have a proper job and do this simply to add a little comfort to their lives don’t tend to see money as everything.
Of course, they still consider an allowance to be the basic premise of the relationship.
I think women are looking for financially comfortable, mature men—but men are also looking for women who are emotionally secure and at ease.
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I think so too.
Generally speaking, I believe most women would prefer to date someone around their own age, or at least not someone much older or younger. Becoming a member of Universe is already something only a minority of people do, and the respondents here—who are probably relatively successful at these arrangements—are an even smaller minority.
And people who genuinely understand each other and date on that basis are an exceptionally small minority.
As I said in another answer, men are more gullible and more easily fooled, so unless you’re terrible at acting, they won’t notice. If you can convince me so completely that I believe it even though it’s just an act, I’ll happily spend money on you（笑）
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I’m Shirousa, a new answerer.
You’re trying to keep things transactional, aren’t you?
I believe an allowance is heartfelt support. The allowance exists because the woman is opening her heart and body to you.
When you’re together or communicating, you need to fully play the part of a “mistress.” If he realizes, “This girl isn’t sincere,” he’ll toss you aside.
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I don’t really feel like I’m doing this in a calm, detached way.
It’s close to what the sociologist Masachi Ōsawa describes as “ironical immersion.”
Consciously, I think, “I’m staying detached and choosing to do this,” but in practice I’m genuinely deeply invested—and that’s how it looks to everyone around me, too.
You could call it cynical commitment, I suppose.
At heart, I see my papa (a male supporter) as nothing more than money. But my actions look as though I genuinely love him, and even I behave in ways that make me feel like I truly love him.
It’s complicated, but somehow it’s working for me.
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If you push yourself too hard, it’ll only make things more painful. Though I suppose it’s also a matter of mindset.
It would be nice if you got an offer from a good papa.
But if a papa senses that you’re being cold, I feel like he might distance himself pretty quickly...
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