In my experience, the chances of going from the first meeting to the second are around 20–30%, from the second to the third about 50%, and from the third to the fourth around 70–80%. So if you make it to three meetings, the arrangement will usually continue. Overall, I’d say the chance of things continuing for three or more meetings is only in the low double digits.
The pattern you describe—“I always make it to the second meeting, but it never goes any further”—is actually pretty interesting. Looking back, I’ve had similar cases myself. There are four main patterns, so I’ll describe them specifically.
The first is when she’s exactly my type looks-wise. The conversation didn’t really take off at the first meeting, but we did become intimate. From my perspective, that was a big success, so I quickly arranged to see her again. But when we met, the conversation still didn’t really flow, and the intimacy was just average. Meanwhile, she seemed totally relaxed and carefree, having fun at the love hotel by putting bath salts in the tub and making bubbles in the jacuzzi. I just couldn’t relate to it at all, and thought maybe this wasn’t right, so I didn’t invite her out again.
The second is when the conversation was fun and lively, and at the first meeting the intimacy was light, almost just a way of getting acquainted. Still, things seemed to be going well, so I quickly arranged a second meeting. We had another enjoyable conversation and became intimate again. Just when I thought we might be able to take things further, she put a stop to it fairly early on and the roles reversed, leaving the whole experience rather shallow and unsatisfying. She, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be holding back—it felt like that was simply her standard. That made me think we were looking at things from completely different perspectives.
The third case: her appearance and conversation were fairly ordinary, but we seemed to have some kind of natural chemistry. When we became intimate, it was an unexpectedly perfect match. Thinking this might work, I met her a second time. But she started shaping the relationship according to her own idea of what dating should be—more conversation-focused, with the intimacy kept fairly restrained. For me, the conversation wasn’t particularly interesting, and the exciting chemistry that had been the main appeal was gone. I felt we were heading in different directions, so I didn’t invite her out again.
The fourth case is when the woman really liked me. By the second meeting, things already felt very much like a romantic relationship. We’d go into the room, get affectionate, and sometimes end up going all the way without even taking a shower first. She would also insist on kissing goodbye after we’d passed through the station gates. But I hadn’t actually fallen for her that much. I asked myself whether I might come to like her if we met a few more times, but I was pretty unsure. Considering her feelings as well, the whole thing started to feel like a burden, so I stopped seeing her after the second meeting.
I hope your situation matches one of these patterns and that this helps you find a solution.
Taro
So the first time felt exciting because it was new, but by the second meeting, you had come back down to earth and lost interest, right?
If things get intimate from the very first meeting, men who are only after intimacy may quickly lose interest by the second.
Just speculating:
She’s cute, but when it comes to an adult relationship, she’s average at best—or not very good. She doesn’t seem to enjoy it, put in much effort, or show any hospitality or desire to please her partner.
From the man’s perspective, I imagine it went something like this:
“The first time wasn’t that great, but maybe the second time will be better.” He gave it another chance, but came to the same conclusion: “There won’t be a next time. I’ll look for someone else who’s a better fit.”
There could be all sorts of reasons, and one of them may simply be that he got bored. That doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong—it’s actually quite common in this kind of arrangement.
I’ve made a fair number of offers, but I’m still seeing two people: one for four years and the other for three. Compared with others, that may not be especially long, but the reason things have continued is that they were the ones who invited me to meet a third time.
If the third meeting is the make-or-break point, why not take the initiative and invite him yourself? That may help you understand each other’s personalities better and could lead to a deeper, longer-lasting relationship.
Needless to say, though, only invite a third meeting with a papa (a male supporter) you genuinely like—for both your sakes.
It’s hard to say without knowing what happened the second time, but maybe she felt that the relationship was too transactional.
If you’re overly guarded or don’t disclose anything about yourself, she may be less inclined to pursue a long-term arrangement.
Too experienced?
Very guarded and mysterious.
Smelly, dirty, weak,
or dangerous...
Maybe? lol
He’s probably good in bed, though.
But the arrangements that last for years are with people who are fun to talk to, so maybe he’s a little lacking in that department. When someone is too mysterious and you can’t have deep conversations with them, I start to get bored.
