I’m new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)!

If I’m going to end things soon, I feel it’s only fair to the woman to figure that out quickly. For me, the deciding point is whether I still want to see her for a third adult relationship after we’ve been intimate twice.

It’s less about the length of time and more about what gets established during the first few weeks. Even if things continue for over a year, if you only meet once or twice a month, there’s a high chance you’ll eventually stop seeing each other. You can usually tell what you both want from the very first day, so during the first week or two, we often meet four or five times—or even more. After that, things continue without fizzling out, and we’re both able to feel comfortable and secure.

> I’d love to stay with the papa (male supporter) who made me my first offer for a long time!! How long does an arrangement usually need to continue before the chances of being dropped become lower? ↑ In my case, if we’ve met two or three times and I feel that things are going well, the relationship usually continues. By “things are going well,” I mean: Can we talk things through? Is she someone who keeps her promises? Is she safe and trustworthy? Those are the things I value most. Beauty and physical compatibility come second. There are still plenty of things I wish the women I date would do differently, but I’m also the one who’s over 40 years older than them, so I figured, “Well, I guess this is about as good as it gets,” and it’s been five years now（笑）

Men usually make offers mainly based on a woman’s appearance after looking at her photos and videos. So unless her personality is completely different from what they expected, they’ll often meet her up to around three times. After that, whether they continue meeting depends more on her personality—whether they had a good time together and whether he wants to see her again. With that in mind, I feel that for many people, the deciding point is whether they can make it past the third meeting. If you’re hoping for a long-term arrangement, it’s less about how long you’ve been seeing each other and more about things like how each individual date goes, whether you properly thank him afterward, whether you show consideration for him in various ways, and the kind of conversations you have. All of these things add up, so I think it’s best not to let your guard down. That said, some men actually prefer women who are naturally carefree and completely unguarded. In the end, it also depends on what kind of woman the other person likes. Some men like women who don’t use formal language, while others think a woman who can’t even speak politely is out of the question. It’s important to figure out what type of person he is, as well as to understand what kind of character you have yourself. That said, I think the best approach is to be able to see him naturally without exhausting yourself, so it may be worth waiting to see whether you happen to be his type.

I’d say one year is a rough benchmark. But I’ve also had two papas I dated for two years before becoming so fed up that I ended things, so it really depends. I currently have another papa I’ve been seeing for seven years and one for four years. With both of them, I had a feeling from the first meeting that they were the kind of people who would stick around for a long time. Though with the seven-year one, it does feel like we’re just continuing out of habit… Also, I don’t think you should worry too much about being “cut off.” I’ve never once thought I was going to be cut off by any papa. It’s like at work: you know companies prefer employees who enjoy their jobs and think positively about what they can do for the company, rather than employees who nervously work while wondering, “When am I going to get fired?” So try not to worry about being cut off. Just enjoy the relationship at your own pace, without pushing yourself too hard.

In my experience, things tend to continue after three to five meetings, as long as neither person’s circumstances change significantly and no one lets their guard down. Many female members say they receive offers but things only last for two or three meetings, so generally, I’d say that’s probably the point at which you can tell whether it will develop into a long-term arrangement.