After reading a previous question and the answers from the respondents, I’d like to ask the following:
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**Question 1**
Whether through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or in everyday life, is it correct to understand that if you date a man who has a wife, you need to do so knowing that his wife—or someone running an extortion scheme—may demand compensation from you?
**2**
Should I assume that I need to have around ¥3 million in savings in case I’m ever sued for compensation?
**3**
If that isn’t possible, is it better not to engage in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) at all?
Even if it’s through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), or simply in real life, having an affair causes trouble for the man’s wife and family, right?
It’s a difficult issue, and I’m wondering whether I need to carefully assess the man while seeing him.
Thank you to the person who asked this question. It made me realize something important.
I would greatly appreciate your answers.
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Thank you for your question!
You’ve clearly done your homework. Impressive.
That’s a really good question. Many people mistakenly think that dating clubs endorse or encourage affairs, but that’s not the case at all.
To put it in my own words:
“A dating club is something people enter reluctantly, knowing there are various risks, because they need to fill a huge emptiness in their hearts. It’s high-risk, high-reward—though compared with other options, the risk is actually relatively low.”
So, what you’re saying is perfectly reasonable.
It is reasonable, but don’t you think it takes away a little of the magic?
Nobita and Doraemon always take a step into the air just by putting a bamboo propeller on their heads. If you start wondering where the Take-copter’s battery is, you’ll never be able to do it.
Don’t date someone who has a wife.
Don’t date someone with poor boundaries.
Don’t date someone who hides the fact that you’re married.
If you keep those points in mind while taking that first step, perhaps you can find a balance between dreams and reality.
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> I’m wondering whether it’s a difficult issue, and whether I need to assess the man while seeing him.
It’s not that difficult.
If the man’s wife is still in her prime and very active, she may well get jealous. But I think many wives would simply say, “Do whatever you want!” (lol)
That’s what I mean…
It’s important to assess him carefully.
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The following is based on my limited experience and knowledge, so please keep in mind that I may be mistaken.
① I think that’s probably correct.
② Claims for compensation for emotional distress are generally made according to certain rules. So, as I understand it, if the other person’s wife simply sends a demand in her own name, without any evidence, there’s no need to pay—and in some cases, making such a demand could even be illegal.
By “certain rules,” I mean submitting a demand through an attorney or filing a lawsuit. If a claim for ¥3 million is upheld in court, you also need to factor in the other party’s legal fees, as well as your own. So having ¥3 million in savings may not be enough. Incidentally, the largest claim I’ve heard of was ¥15 million.
③ Ultimately, the decision is yours. However, many married men seem to believe—without any real basis—that their wives won’t find out. Please also consider whether he’s the kind of man who will take the necessary precautions and be considerate about that risk.
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I completely agree with all three points, ①②③.
The reason Maezawa-san is being vague in his answer is probably that spelling it out would amount to denying the very existence of dating clubs, which are often used by married people as a form of escapism and pseudo-romance. I think what he means is, “We don’t get involved, and we’re not in a position to do anything about it, so think for yourself and act accordingly.” It’s a classic case of adult circumstances.
As I was writing this, I realized that the pseudo-romance married people pursue as an escape from reality is completely different from the pseudo-romance sought by someone like me, a divorcee who’s had enough of marriage. No wonder we don’t see eye to eye even though we use the same term, “pseudo-romance.”
P.S.
> Come on, man, just pay her around three million yen.
Like I wrote in my earlier answer, men really don’t pay when it actually comes down to it. Apparently, their attitude becomes, “Why should I pay when this has turned into a complete mess and there’s nothing enjoyable about it? I’m not paying, no matter what.” It’s only in situations like that that someone’s true nature finally comes out.
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After reading the question someone else posted earlier and the answers from the other respondents, I’ll share my thoughts.
Answer:
① Whether it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or a relationship in everyday life, if you date “a man who has a wife,” you need to understand that his wife—or someone running a honey trap—could demand compensation from you. Whether you agree that this is something you need to accept before dating him is for you to decide.
② You should also decide for yourself whether you need to keep around ¥3 million in savings in case you are ever asked to pay compensation.
③ If you can’t do that, then you should decide for yourself whether that means you shouldn’t do papa-katsu.
Whether it’s papa-katsu or a relationship in everyday life, you don’t know whether an affair will cause trouble for the man’s wife or family.
Why not think it over carefully one more time?
It’s not really a difficult issue at all—I think it’s fine to just go with your feelings.
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