Something similar happened to me in the past.
It may have started over something trivial, but after I decided I didn’t want to be with this papa anymore—I’d only gone to a hotel with him once, and looking back, I do feel bad about that—I continued a platonic relationship with him for about a year.
Eventually, though, I started disliking even going out to eat with him and ended up treating him like an old-fashioned “asshi-kun” chauffeur. His frustration built up, much like in your situation, and he became emotionally unstable—crying, bowing down in apology, and so on—so I ended things.
That’s why I feel your situation is really, really bad. Unfortunately, it’s clear he’s been rejected, and an adult relationship is no longer possible. You simply can’t do it.
What’s more, from a woman’s perspective, it’s genuinely creepy when a man she finds physically repulsive keeps paying tens of thousands just for meals while obsessing over the possibility that she might let him have his way with her again someday. I’m sorry.
There are definitely other good women out there, so I think it would be best to end the monthly arrangement by saying, “Sorry, I don’t have the money,” and switch to pay-per-meeting, dinner only.
I also noticed the phrase “something happened.” I think that’s where the problem lies.
Once you know the exact cause, it’s easier to figure out what to do about it. From there, I think it’s up to you to decide how you want to move forward.
Maybe it’s not really something you need to ask other people about.
> 40万円 a month is a little beyond what I can comfortably afford.
If you feel it’s too much, you could explain that you’d like to continue seeing her for dinner only, but that 400,000 yen a month is difficult, and ask whether she would accept 100,000 yen a month instead.
Of course, that would need to be within what you can comfortably afford. Since she has been receiving 400,000 yen up to now, there’s a chance she might refuse 100,000 yen, but I think it’s worth taking that chance and making the offer. If you go into the single-digit range, it gives a very poor impression, so 100,000 yen seems like the minimum reasonable amount.
However, if you do this, you’ll probably be limited to dinner dates from then on and won’t be able to return to an adult relationship (intimate). But it already seems difficult to continue that way as things stand, so I think it’s worth asking whether she would be willing to continue seeing you for dinner only at 100,000 yen a month.
That said, if you make offers to about 20 more women, you may well find someone else who fits what you’re looking for, so it might be worth looking around.
Separately, if you were initially able to have an adult relationship (intimate) with her but became unable to somewhere along the way, I suspect there may be an issue on your side.
I remember a survey from a video project last year or the year before where women were asked whether they disliked men who didn’t wash their bodies.
The answer was that they didn’t mind men taking a shower, but disliked it when they didn’t actually wash themselves.
I assumed it might be because the men had wives and didn’t want any evidence left behind, but from a woman’s perspective, it can simply come across as “gross and unhygienic.”
You may be in that category as well, so I think you should make a point of washing your body properly with soap.
> That woman might not agree even for 10 million yen by now. As Aya wrote, that’s just how women are. Once they’ve lost interest, they’ve lost interest, no matter how much you beg or offer them.
Ah, I meant that since you’re currently able to have dinner dates for 400,000 yen a month, you could ask whether she would lower it to 100,000 yen a month and continue seeing you for dinner only.
Sorry, I worded that poorly.
As Aya said, most men understand that when a woman decides someone is a person to avoid, there’s no changing her mind. And for that very reason, I think most men also understand that most women decide the moment they meet a man whether they “can” or “can’t” be intimate with him.
There’s no reason to continue.
That said, if even one woman turns you down like that, adult relationships (intimate) and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) probably aren’t for you. You’re better off continuing to see the woman you currently like for dinner only (no intimacy).
If ¥400,000 a month is a stretch for you, I think it’s better to walk away.
Otherwise, your frustration with her will only build up if things don’t work out.
I’m also curious what you mean by “something that happened.”
If it’s something you should work on, try to improve it and consider making an offer to another woman.
