For the first meeting, is it correct to understand that we’ll mutually agree on the allowance, plus transportation expenses?

This is Higashino from the Umeda staff! Under the club’s rules for a first date, transportation expenses of ¥5,000–¥10,000 must always be given in cash from the gentleman to the lady. Although it’s listed as “transportation expenses,” it seems this gentleman may not have understood that this is also intended to cover the dinner date and serve as a token of appreciation... Of course, if you only look at the wording, “transportation expenses” does mean exactly that, so I suppose the way it’s written could be part of the issue... I’m sorry to trouble you, but we would appreciate it if you could report this to the club as feedback, so we can keep a record that this is the kind of gentleman he is.

Since Universe Club uses the term “transportation expenses,” it can sometimes cause misunderstandings. Even in the Q&A section, it becomes unclear whether someone means actual travel costs or the ¥5,000–¥10,000 that must always be paid as a token of appreciation. If you’re referring to the transportation expenses required by the club rules for the first date, then, as you said, there’s a good chance the man misunderstood. In the first place, the woman must be given the ¥5,000–¥10,000 “transportation expenses” as a token of appreciation for the date. If he didn’t give it to her at that stage, then the man was clearly in the wrong. Not handing it over from the start makes it seem like he knowingly refused to pay. That said, men do occasionally misunderstand because the club calls it “transportation expenses.” There have even been cases where a man who had arranged dates through the club many times complained to the staff: “She said she lived about one station away, but then asked me for ¥5,000 in transportation expenses. What an awful woman. There’s no way it costs ¥5,000 to travel one station.” And the staff had to respond: “Wait, didn’t you listen carefully to the club’s explanation? Under the rules, you’re required to pay ¥5,000–¥10,000 in transportation expenses. You didn’t pay it?” It makes you wonder whether he hadn’t listened to the staff’s initial explanation—or whether the women he’d met before had simply put up with it. There are also men who believe the ¥5,000–¥10,000 transportation expenses are included in the allowance. For example, they may have agreed to an allowance of ¥30,000, but then make excuses like: “I thought the allowance was ¥30,000, but actually ¥20,000 was the allowance, and I paid ¥10,000 in transportation expenses according to the club rules.” So, while I understand why the questioner is unhappy, I think it would be safest to simply give him a −2 rating in the post-date feedback and leave it at that. If you rate him negatively, and other women give him similar ratings, he’ll eventually be forced to leave the club. This time, you just happened to meet someone awful; it’s better to think that you might meet a good person next time. President Kida also understands that calling it “transportation expenses” isn’t ideal. Every now and then, they discuss changing the name, but suggestions like “token of appreciation” feel a bit awkward, so it has remained unchanged.

If he’s in the same prefecture, you should generally assume that transportation is included and there’s no separate travel allowance. Of course, with long-distance arrangements, transportation costs are separate—such as bullet train fare. I turn down anyone who offers an insultingly low amount. P.S. I didn’t realize there were also clueless men who think the travel allowance for the first meeting is merely a tip. That sounds exhausting.

In my case, if I can tell right away that she isn’t what I expected, based on either her appearance or the conversation, I give her at least the transportation allowance and try to end things early. If I get a good impression, I enjoy the date and give her the transportation money and allowance myself when we’re saying goodbye. We don’t really discuss it beforehand, but I consider the transportation money for the first meeting to be essentially a thank-you for coming. So in the situation described in the question, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to receive 15,000 yen total: the initial 10,000-yen thank-you plus the 5,000-yen taxi fare home.

Officially, I believe the arrangement is that you give her transportation money when you meet for dinner the first time, and if things develop into an adult relationship (intimate), you give her a separate pay-per-meeting allowance after that. Also, when we say “transportation money,” we don’t literally mean reimbursing her actual travel expenses. In practice, it’s really an allowance for the first meeting, so even if she lives nearby and walks over, the understanding is that you give her 0.5 or 1. That’s all for the official, compliance-friendly answer. The rest is just an aside. However, when things progress to an adult relationship (intimate) that same day, the transportation money is usually included in the pay-per-meeting allowance. Looking back as far as I can remember, there may have been only one woman who billed it separately. At other dating clubs, it’s more common to pay transportation money when things don’t progress further. Of course, if a woman comes expecting that arrangement, I do pay it. But I do think it’s a bit nitpicky. It’s difficult to put into words, but when things develop into an adult relationship (intimate), I don’t think it means that the terms (of the arrangement) matched—that is, that we agreed to pay a stated amount in exchange for a service. I think it means that we clicked. By clicking, I mean that we both want to continue seeing each other—not just once today, but preferably over the long term—and that even though money is involved, we want to build an appropriate level of trust. With that in mind, calculating and billing every single item feels somehow out of place. I think a rough, generous approach suits a relationship built on trust. This isn’t about trying to haggle. For example, if a woman is a virgin and, when we actually try to become intimate, it turns out she isn’t ready, so we decide to try again next time, I still give her the full amount. Saying, “I thought we were going to be intimate, but we weren’t, so reduce the allowance,” would be tacky. Even after the first meeting, if we meet but she isn’t feeling well and decides not to do anything that day, I may still pay her. An allowance isn’t payment for sexual services, so I don’t think it should be calculated precisely. I believe the proper approach is to keep things broad and approximate. Of course, it goes without saying that neither person should end up dissatisfied. I think being able to naturally reach a mutually comfortable arrangement without having to spell out every detail is what it means to click. That’s what feels off to me when a woman says that transportation money should be paid separately. Along with thinking she’s being a bit nitpicky, I also get the feeling that maybe we didn’t really click after all. Taro