In my case, I can’t imagine going on a trip without an allowance just because it’s a trip.
I think it takes more nerve to ask, “Would you be okay with no allowance?” I’d feel so bad not paying that I’d probably start acting suspiciously. It’s much easier for me to pay.
I’m not really interested in traveling with women, so I’ve never invited anyone on a trip myself. But I have traveled with a woman because she wanted to go. It was a two-night trip; I paid for the travel expenses, but there was no additional allowance. I wasn’t particularly eager to go, but since we were overseas and she was a local woman, she took me to places where there wasn’t a single Japanese person around, and I ended up having a great time（笑）
If a man invites a woman on a trip and intends to offer additional allowance, I think he should say so himself. Otherwise, he’s probably hoping for something separate from a money-based relationship—something a little closer to being boyfriend and girlfriend. This isn’t just about negotiating the allowance; accepting the trip also means accepting that kind of relationship itself. If the woman makes that clear, they can move forward without any ambiguity.
Since she says she’d be okay even if there were no allowance at all, I don’t think she’s completely opposed to it. But if her reason is simply that she can visit somewhere she wanted to go for free, then that’s not really the point. The real question is whether she’d be comfortable spending that entire time together, becoming intimate several times, and so on. More than that, could she genuinely see the man who would give her that experience as a good person worth meeting even without an allowance? If she misunderstands that and says yes, I think she may end up feeling confused later.
Taro
I had a somewhat interesting experience today.
She’s 20, and she messaged me saying, “I really want to have sex right now.” I replied, “Then I’ll come over now,” and drove about an hour to pick her up near her parents’ home. We went to a love hotel and had sex.
While driving there, I started thinking, “Since she’s the one who called me over, maybe I don’t need to give her an allowance?” When I arrived, I asked her, “Since you called me over today, would it be okay if I didn’t give you an allowance?” She said she was completely fine with that.
Afterward, she sent me a message sharing her thoughts. She said that during our usual business dates, she feels nervous and tries to be considerate because she receives an allowance. But today, she felt as relaxed and comfortable as if she were with a friend—or even her father—and was able to genuinely enjoy herself.
Apparently, she’d like to have dates like this without an allowance from time to time, so we’ve decided to continue both our papa-katsu dates, where an allowance is involved, and our friend-style dates without one. The main difference, she says, is that her mood changes.
People often talk about allowances, but perhaps it isn’t a bad idea to occasionally try having a date without one. In that case, the man is treated not as a customer (papa), but as a friend or friends-with-benefits partner. Of course, if he’s the kind of man she’d hesitate to treat that way in the first place, that’s another matter.
Why not suggest something like this to your papa?
“If there’s no allowance during the trip, I won’t be in my papa-katsu business mode. So if you want to be intimate with me, you’ll need to properly court me like a boyfriend would. If you do a good job and I’m in the mood, I may agree—but otherwise, I won’t. If you want to be sure, please give me an allowance separately from the travel expenses.”
That might help you sort out your own feelings about allowances and the amount, and leave you feeling much clearer.
If you’re genuinely close, then even in a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) relationship, I don’t think you need to worry about the allowance or an adult relationship (intimate).
If you focus on making it an enjoyable, fulfilling trip for her, the time will fly by. Since you can have an adult relationship anytime in your usual setting, it’s much more meaningful to enjoy the precious time at your destination instead of spending it on that.
That’s what makes her think, “I had such a great time—I want to go again.”
With that in mind, there are trips where no allowance is given for an adult relationship. If you enjoy yourselves together and she’s happy, I think the papa (a male supporter) will probably give her an appropriate amount anyway.
