I’m currently seeing three papas: two in their 40s and one in his 50s.

I was a little surprised reading your question because your papas seem to be the complete opposite of mine. Then again, I do get teased about that fairly often, haha. When it comes to lingerie, putting aside whether it’s good or bad, I feel like it’s mostly a matter of getting used to it. Generally speaking, staff at high-end lingerie shops are used to older men bringing in younger women, so they know how to assist shy men without making them feel embarrassed. Why not take one of your relatively less-shy papas to a lingerie shop? Some stores will even open the fitting-room curtain and let him see you in all your alluring glory. It’s practically a little game, haha. If you live in Tokyo, I recommend the lingerie department at Ginza Mitsukoshi. French brand Aubade is pricey, but I’m sure you’ll love it—and your papa will be so excited that he’ll forget all about being embarrassed! P.S. If you live in the Kansai area, the lingerie department at Hankyu Umeda Main Store is also highly recommended.

If she’s uncomfortable, the right thing is not to invite her. On the other hand, I often see questions from other women in papa-katsu saying they dislike having their hand held in public. So I think all three of them are sensible, good papas (male supporters). I’m the same as your papas—I’d find shopping together in broad daylight pretty uncomfortable too.

I’m pretty much the same as those papas (male supporters), haha. It’s not so much embarrassing as the fact that I’d be in trouble if someone saw me. That said, I have been spotted before, haha.

I don’t think this is a general tendency—it’s probably just what that particular person prefers. There’s nothing wrong with suggesting it, but if they turn you down, I think it’s best to leave it at that. I can understand if they’re embarrassed about going to a lingerie shop, but I don’t really get why they’d be embarrassed to see a movie together. Maybe they’re saying they’re embarrassed because they feel awkward saying they simply can’t be bothered. If you’re with someone you really click with, spending a long time together is enjoyable, and you naturally want to do all kinds of things together. There may also be people who enjoy shopping, traveling, and other date-like activities. But some people are mainly looking for an adult relationship (intimate), and since it’s not exactly a brothel, they’ll suggest having a meal together as well. There’s also a certain comfortable distance to maintain with someone you don’t perfectly click with, and for some people, spending an hour or two chatting over a meal is just right. That kind of arrangement can be stable in its own way, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Taro

It’s not so much that she dislikes ordinary dates. If she also wants to be intimate, movies and plays take up quite a bit of time, and she may feel bad if she falls asleep halfway through. So I think it would be difficult unless she already genuinely enjoys movies or theater. The same goes for shopping. If she isn’t particularly interested in women’s clothing, she may not find choosing things especially enjoyable. I’m not sure what would make this easier to understand, but imagine that the papa (a male supporter) likes plastic models and asks you to go shopping for them with him. How would you feel in that situation? “This pair of nippers is better than that one because…” “Painting this color over that one gives it a metallic look…” It might be fun if you shared the same hobby, but imagine being told things like, “This is the Katoki Version 1.0, while this one is 2.0,” or “The original box had this shape,” or “The way this part has been sanded looks really good.” Can you imagine whether you would actually enjoy listening to that? Does that help get the point across? As for lingerie, I do think it can feel embarrassing if you’re not used to it. Another respondent mentioned that it can be something the two of you enjoy together, and I think men who understand that could have fun with it. But ordinarily, men may feel uncomfortable entering a lingerie department, where it’s mostly women, because they worry people will look at them strangely. So I think it’s better to assume that most men would find it difficult to go. > In that case, I’d like to avoid making those kinds of invitations. What do you think? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with inviting someone. Some people may be willing to go, so I think it’s fine to ask and see what happens. If you unexpectedly turn out to share the same hobby, you could both have a great time.

I don’t mind it at all either. I’m perfectly fine walking close enough that a girl’s shoulder or hand brushes against mine. An age gap of 30 years or more doesn’t bother me, either. These days, I often go out and walk around at close range with my teenage daughter, so I’m even less self-conscious about it than before. I think there’s no problem if you go on that kind of date from the beginning. I go to lingerie shops with women from the club—even outside the club—and I’ll accompany them to pretty much anywhere women typically go. I think either the man you’re seeing is simply a different type, or he may not be looking for that kind of relationship with you. > We’ve all been seeing each other for quite a while now, so sometimes I’d like to go on a normal date. Rather than it being because you’ve been seeing each other for a long time, I think it’s more enjoyable from the start if you choose someone who actually wants to go on normal dates with you. As the relationship grows, you can build even more trust. For example, when choosing clothes, you can ask him to decide between two outfits you’ve narrowed it down to, or between different colors, making the experience more fulfilling. If you suddenly suggest it just because you’ve been seeing each other for a long time, you haven’t built up that kind of rapport or history together, so he may feel awkward or hold back. There’s a good chance you won’t get the reaction you’re hoping for. Even though you carefully chose two outfits you like, he may just give you a bland response like, “They both look good on you.”

I go on dates like that pretty often too, but if your papa (a male supporter) is married and lives locally, don’t put him in an awkward position. A movie should be fine, though—it’s dark, after all.