Of the men I’ve met through a dating club, I accept the allowance they offer because I feel that what a man can comfortably afford is more likely to continue in the long run.

The breakdown is roughly 6:2:2 for 30,000, 40,000, and 50,000 yen. I don’t bring it up myself because I don’t want things to end after just one meeting if I ask for too much. Since all of them made the offers themselves, the relationships have continued. But when I read other women’s questions, some say even 50,000 yen is cheap. Am I underselling myself too much? The problem is that I find spending long periods of time together extremely difficult. The men who give me 30,000 yen in particular tend to keep me for a long time without increasing the allowance. For example, driving for two or three hours each way plus going to a hotel; going on an overnight date from noon until noon the next day; or spending time together from noon until midnight. I’ve put up with it until now, but I started feeling like I was simply being exploited. So when one of them suggested staying overnight, I asked, “Would you be able to give me 60,000 yen for the two days?” He said he hadn’t considered that, and I feel like the relationship ended because of it. I get the impression that long dates are especially common with older men who have too much free time. They’re elderly, but they can’t offer much allowance and tend to expect a romantic relationship. I’m fine with not increasing the allowance when it’s somewhere I personally want to travel to or a hotel I wanted to visit anyway—somewhere I would have been willing to pay for myself. Am I at fault for not being able to “raise” them? I understand that continuing to tolerate long dates for the same 30,000 yen might ultimately increase the chances of developing a more generous, well-paying relationship. But my self-esteem gets chipped away every time we meet. The only reason I’m willing to go to a hotel for 30,000 yen in the first place is because it’s for a short time. Even with the same 30,000 yen, I think men who let me go after about an hour—or at most spend around four hours including dinner—are gentlemanly and have common sense. Some men also try to prevent allowance negotiations by setting expectations in advance. They’ll say things like, “No one else would take you out for a meal like this,” after treating me to an expensive dinner costing around 10,000 yen or giving me snacks—things that can definitely be written off as business expenses. They never buy anything truly expensive, such as brand-name items. It makes me feel like I’m being completely exploited. I used to work as a gravure model, but I’m not exactly someone who gets people competing over me. At the same time, based on my experience, I don’t know how much money each papa actually has, and I feel that asking for an excessively high amount could be disadvantageous in the long run if it means they won’t come back. There are fewer men who give 40,000 or 50,000 yen, but they’ve generally seemed like good people. They’re probably popular with other women too, and they meet lots of women besides me, so things don’t feel stable. Most of them offer 30,000 yen. Men who treat me like a gentleman even for 30,000 yen are wonderful, but I’m struggling with the type who keeps me for a long time without adding anything to the allowance, saying that they’re already paying for the meals. I could simply cut them off, but from the man’s perspective, he probably wouldn’t want to lose a papa-katsu girl he’s finally managed to get comfortable with spending that much time together. I feel like he’d leave easily if I negotiated the allowance. There’s one man I’ve been seeing for about a year who keeps me for 12 hours every time for 30,000 yen. If I suddenly asked him to reduce it to at least six hours, he wouldn’t like that, right? And it’s hard to ask him to increase the allowance when he gives me nice meals and snacks. Aside from that, he’s a very good person. Also, I’ve never had anyone buy me brand-name items or anything like that. I suppose it’s because I don’t flirt or create a romantic atmosphere, and our relationship is more like friendship. Even on my birthday, they completely overlook it. At most, I receive snacks—things that can be written off as expenses. Is that just how it is? I give them gifts worth tens of thousands of yen myself. I haven’t had any of those dream-like papa-katsu experiences. All I get are expensive meals that can be written off as business expenses. Is it my fault for not asking? Honestly, I have a regular job and can buy most things for myself, so maybe that’s part of the problem. But I’ve only met what people would call low-paying papas. With a black-tier member, I meet once or twice a month for pay-per-meeting 50,000 yen, and with another, I meet about once a month for 30,000 yen. Even after I gave one man a gift worth 50,000–100,000 yen, he disappeared before my birthday, lol. I had told him that I didn’t need any gifts from him. I do think the fact that I don’t create romantic feelings is the reason, but is it really true that girls these days are living such a glamorous lifestyle? I honestly don’t understand it.