I hate papas who say, “That’s fine!” in the moment, then stew over it afterward and eventually start saying things like, “Maybe we should break up.”

Question

For example, I don’t do sleepovers, and I make that clear from the beginning. But then a papa will ask, “Can you stay over on [date]?” When I tell him I can’t, he replies on LINE, “Got it! Good luck with work! I’m rooting for you,” pretending to be understanding. Then a few days later, I get a long, passive-aggressive message saying, “You won’t stay over because you have a boyfriend, right? Let’s end this.” Lol. The same thing happens when I tell them about other things that are off-limits. They act understanding in the moment, then complain and gripe about it later. If that’s how they feel, why not just say so from the start? If they did, we could find a compromise and meet halfway. Why are there so many older men who can’t express their opinions in the moment and instead send passive-aggressive messages later on LINE? Have they never had a good relationship before? Or are they just cowardly people-pleasers? Even if this is for the money, it’s stressful dealing with so many people who can’t communicate normally.

Answer 1

If someone is causing you stress, why not end things and date another papa? It sounds exhausting, so just break it off! → “Okay, I understand.” Then block him on LINE. By continuing to see a papa like that, I think you’re giving him the wrong idea that his behavior is acceptable.

Answer 2

The best thing to do is find a better papa (a male supporter) who isn’t so clingy. Then, just throw a parting remark at the clingy old guy—“You’re seriously creepy. Stop being so damn persistent, grandpa”—and walk away.

Answer 3

This may not be limited to old guys, though. Still, I’d be happy if you took it as a learning experience. “Anyway, taking your frustration straight to a Q&A forum like that—that’s some impressive persistence!” Osamu, sitting beside me, is ranting away at a shabby izakaya in Shinbashi while knocking back Hoppy. What a handful. Though perhaps the questioner is more persistent than they realize, too? Surely not.

Answer 4

That older guy sounds pretty clingy, haha. I used to be a spineless people-pleaser when I was a salaryman, so I can really understand how he feels. Just communicate with the assumption that many papas are like that, haha. It’s a learning experience! Once you start thinking, “Wow, people like this actually exist?” life becomes twice as entertaining, haha.

I hate papas who say, “That’s fine!” in the moment, then stew over it afterward and eventually start saying things like, “Maybe we should break up.”

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I hate papas who say, “That’s fine!” in the moment, then stew over it afterward and eventually start saying things like, “Maybe we should break up.”

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