In a conversation with my papa, the topic of whether men and women can just be friends came up.

From a genetic perspective, the basic idea is that men tend to want to spread their sperm among as many women as possible, while women tend to be more cautious because of the risk of pregnancy. What you need to be careful about is that a man staying overnight could suddenly turn into a wolf. If he doesn’t, then either he’s gender-nonconforming or exceptionally herbivorous, wouldn’t you say? Even if you discuss it with your papa, your views probably won’t meet, so why not just go along with his opinion?

I think it’s a generational issue. Aren’t papas generally in their 50s or older? For the generation that was already adults during the bubble era, meeting women was basically seen as being for H, and they seemed to feel that once you were alone together, it would be rude not to make a move. Even at my company, it was customary for every new male employee to hit on every female employee in the department. There were even some fearless guys who, after being turned down by everyone, started a second round. Even major companies had this strange rule that you were allowed up to three “strikes” from failed office romances. I think people like you, the questioner, started appearing around the mid-1990s. At first, they were labeled things like “herbivores,” but eventually that became the norm. The aggressive, old-school men from the Showa era are basically figures of ridicule now, so it’s interesting to see that there are still men who haven’t realized it（笑） The turning point I personally find interesting is 1980. Around then, the content on television and in music began to change: YMO formed in 1978, Gundam aired in 1979, Tokyo Disneyland opened in 1983, and Dragon Ball began serialization in 1984. You can really see the difference by comparing anime from before and after that period—say, Star of the Giants or Tensai Bakabon versus Gundam or Dragon Ball. The former had a dark, sad atmosphere woven into them, while the latter felt much lighter and more carefree. Incidentally, 1980 was the year Momoe Yamaguchi retired and Seiko Matsuda made her debut. It was also the year Sadaharu Oh retired. This was when people born after the war and raised during the rapid-growth period began stepping into the spotlight as creators and broadcasters. Culture changed quite a bit from that point on, and the children who grew up watching it changed even further. I think one result of that is the “herbivore” type—people who have the leeway not to be so aggressive. Taro

Your papa (a male supporter) may be the type who assumes that if a woman goes out drinking or to dinner with a man, there must be an adult relationship (intimate) involved. Even if you went out to eat with your company president or a client’s chairman for work, that wouldn’t mean you’d have an adult relationship with them, right? I think that’s the kind of relationship you and your friend have. Still, it’s probably better not to casually let men stay over at your place. I think your papa is feeling a little jealous. But wait… do you really tell your papa things like that? I’m Ayase Nana, and since it could cause misunderstandings, I wouldn’t go into that much detail. If he starts going on and on about it, you’ll end up thinking, “Oh, forget it…” ☆ It says you have a papa, but that you’ve never done papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).

I think that’s probably pretty common. That said, I think it feels more natural if you don’t overthink it and just talk to them the same way you would with a female friend. I used to think it was impossible to have a friend of the opposite sex, but then I remembered someone from high school. We could tease each other about anything and never saw one another romantically at all. Even when we met again after several years, we could still have deep conversations, and I would even set up group dates and introduce her to men. I haven’t seen her since then, but it wasn’t because I found her unattractive as a woman. I simply had no romantic feelings toward her whatsoever. In fact, we could say anything to each other more freely than I could with some of my same-sex friends. I never wanted to pursue her romantically, hold her hand, kiss her, or have sex with her. She just wasn’t that kind of person to me. If you really click with someone more than you do with your same-sex friends, then gender doesn’t matter. That said, it’s rare, and once you’re an adult, it may be almost impossible. Also, regardless of how well you click, people you belonged to the same club with as students can develop a relationship where they get along naturally regardless of gender, especially when they were deeply devoted to the activity together. Still, that feels somewhat different from friendship.

Friends of the same sex can remain friends regardless of the age gap—no problem there. As for your opposite-sex friends, if you asked them to hook up with you once, a man probably would. They simply choose not to because the friendship seems more likely to stay enjoyable that way. I’m somewhat inclined to agree with your papa’s opinion, but either way is fine, isn’t it?

I think everyone is entitled to their own way of thinking. There’s no one right answer, and I don’t think it’s helpful to label one perspective as unusual and another as normal. Your papa’s perspective is 100% valid, and so is yours. How he responds will depend on whether he’s someone who can accept different perspectives. If he can’t, he probably won’t understand your views on friendship, so I don’t think talking about it will do any good. — It’s me

I’m not particularly comfortable with the word “friend.” Would you call someone a friend if you go out drinking together or let them stay over at your place? Maybe I’m unusual—or in the minority—in that regard. I can divide people into “people I like,” “people I dislike,” and the middle category of “people I feel neutral about.” That applies regardless of gender. The length of time I’ve known someone doesn’t matter either. Even if we only met yesterday or today, if we talk for a bit and I think, “This person seems decent,” they’re welcome. As for people like Seattle-san and Kazu-san, I have no idea whether I’d call them friends, but they fall into the “people I like” category. Of course, that’s only how I feel at the moment, so I don’t know what the future holds. And just because I like someone doesn’t mean I know—or even care—how they feel about me. When it comes to women as potential partners, I choose women I want to sleep with from among the “people I like.” I wouldn’t choose someone I feel neutral about, let alone someone I dislike. That said, not wanting to sleep with someone doesn’t mean I don’t like her. There are women I like but don’t want to sleep with. Even if a woman I like turned me down, she’d still remain someone I like. It wouldn’t bother me at all. Perhaps you should start by considering what the word “friend” means to you. I also don’t know what that papa (a male supporter) means by “friend.” Is it possible he’s gone through life without ever going out drinking or having a meal one-on-one with a woman without ulterior motives? As an answer to your question, since the two of you have different definitions of “friend,” I recommend avoiding that word altogether.